Strongly Worded Letter

Personal To Linus Van Pelt

How about some pumpkin facts for the holiday today?

From Better Homes And Garden magazine:

More than 40 varieties of pumpkin are grown just for cooking.

Morton, Illinois is the self-proclaimed "Pumpkin capital of the world." 90 percent of all pumpkins used for canning in the U-S are grown within a 50-mile radius of the town.

The largest pumpkin to date was 1,689 pounds, grown by Joe Jutra from North Scituate, RI, and weighed in at Toppsfield, MA, on Sept. 29, 2007.

Pumpkins were once prescribed for removing freckles and treating snake bites.

New Englanders were nicknamed "pumpkin-heads." In colonial New Haven, CT, cut pumpkins were used during haircuts as a guide for the scissors, creating a round, uniform cut.

   

The Guinness Book of World Records says the biggest pumpkin pie weighed 2,020 pounds (after baking). It was prepared and baked by the New Bremen Giant Pumpkin Growers at New Bremen, Ohio, on October 8, 2005.

From Pumpkinnook.com:

The record for most number of pounds of pumpkins grown on one vine is 2,715 pounds!

On December 14, 2000, Steve Clarke of Havertown, Pa. became the fastest pumpkin carver. Steve carved a pumpkin copy of     Rosemont High School where he teaches, in a record one minute and 14.8 seconds. In the process, Steve carved 19 seconds off the prior record held by Jerry Ayers of Baltimore, Ohio.       

Most pumpkins: Mr. Ayers is not only fast, he has stamina. In 1999, he set a world record by carving one ton of pumpkins       (detailed designs) in seven hours and 11 minutes.

Most Lit Pumpkins:  For years, the folks in Keene, New Hampshire held and routinely broke this record. In 2006, their record stood at 28,952 lit pumpkins. Yes, the pumpkins must all be lit at the same time in the same place.       

This past Friday night, on October 26, 2007, Boston Ma. shattered this record with 30,128 lit pumpkins!  The record was part of a fundraiser for Camp Sunshine, raising over $250,000.

Pumpkin Throwing: Using an air cannon to propel a pumpkin a pumpkin thousands of feet is called "Pumpkin Chuckin". The world record stands at 4091 feet.

 

More? The University Of Illinois website offers these fun facts:

Total U.S. pumpkin production in 2006 was valued at $101.3 million.

Pumpkin flowers are edible.

Pumpkins are members of the vine crops family called cucurbits, just like squash and cucumbers.

Pumpkins originated in Central America

The name pumpkin originated from "pepon" – the Greek word for "large melon."

Pumpkins are a fruit.

Pumpkins are 90 percent water.

Happy Halloween.....      

 

Let Me Spell it Out for You...

My given first name is Gene and while it is, granted, not the most common name in the world, it's hardly Colorado Rockies' catcher Yorvit Torreabla either. 

So I was a wee bit surprised to see a package arrive at my house this week with my name spelled, Jene.  Jene?  What kind of a name is that? Has anyone ever been named Jene?

I gave the company that sent me the package my name over the phone so obviously their side heard it pronounced and just figured that was how it was spelled.

I wonder why any of the famous guys named Gene did not come to mind instead while the phone-op was inventing random letter combinations.

Gene Autry (actor, singer, radio-TV-baseball team owner)

Gene Hackman (Oscar winning actor)

Gene Kelly  (actor, singer, dancer)

Gene Roddenberry (author, Star Trek creator)

Gene Wilder (actor, owner of chocolate factory)

Gene Rayburn  (TV host of "Match Game")

Gene Simmons (singer and bass player for rock band KISS)

Gene Cernan (Apollo 17 astronaut)

Those are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head and I am certain there are others. You know what there aren't? Any people on earth named Jene. 

And even if you are a teenager filling orders in a warehouse and you have never heard of any of those celebrities, didn't you at least become familiar with the word "gene" in science class last year when you were studying DNA?

I don't think it's going to get any easier for me either as I just looked at the list of Top 100 baby boy names for last year and Gene is not even on the chart.  Why couldn't I have been named something simple and easy to spell like the #1 most popular  2006 name, "Aiden." Yep,  Aiden.

The Wrong Stuff

I wrote in an earlier post how it was time to vote out every member of the House or Senate up for re-election next year. Ninety percent of  Americans are dissatisfied with the job Congress is doing and the other ten percent are just wrong.

Now it looks like that won't be enough to get the kind of politician who is killing this country out of Washington. Looks like we have to  move on to other government agencies as well.

Please tell me you heard about the Federal Emergency Management Agency's "press conference"  this week to take questions on their ongoing  effort to assist in the battling of  the Southern California wildfires.

Rather than accept questions from actual journalists, who were given just 15 minutes notice that the Q & A was happening, the deputy director of FEMA Harvey Johnson instead  put his own employees in the briefing room to pose as reporters. Then he only called on his own people to ask softball questions that he could then answer to make sure FEMA was put in the best possible light.

As an aside, FEMA starred in what I think was one of the most significant, yet underreported stories of 2007. They knew Hurricane Katrina refugees were getting sick, poisoned by breathing formaldehyde from living in  the poorly ventilated government provided trailers   and they did nothing about it. When enough children got sick enough and the Center For Disease Control started an investigation, them FEMA was forced to confront the problem.

Please understand, United States government employees knew they had put their own citizens in poisoned trailers - they had been alerted to the problem by dozens of sick residents -and waited until someone else found about it and then were forced to act.

Wait there's more!

Last week the Republican National Committee added this page to their official website.



"Ghost and Gals,

Today the RNC is very proud to introduce our newest web feature and game, "Scariest Democrat." What do Halloween and politics have in common? Scary Democrats! Every year, the Republican National Committee has a hard time determining who is the scariest Democrat of the bunch. Just like the fall harvest, there's an abundance from which to choose. That's where you come in. We need your help in determining who the RNC should announce as the "Scariest Democrat" in 2007. Cast your vote and play today to help the RNC peg the "Scariest Democrat" in American politics."



Are you freaking kidding me? This is what passes for politics now? This is how a  Presidential campaign is being run ?  These are adults, not Highlights Magazine puzzle editors  making these decisions?

If John F. Kennedy were alive today he would demand to be immediately taken to Dallas and rent a convertible.   

Those That Can't Do, Teach.

James Lipton, that bearded blowhard  from Bravo TV's  Inside the Actor's Studio   has just published his autobiography, called Inside Inside. If you haven't seen the hit cable show, now in its thirteenth year, Lipton sits for an hour or more with an actor as his guest and he asks him to tell stories about the movies and television shows he has appeared in.

At the end of the interview he pulls out the list of questions he says are inspired by French television host Bernard Pivot. Here are those questions, along with my answers:


What is your favorite word?    Dogloo

What is your least favorite word?  Nuclear, when it is pronounced Nookyuler 

What turns you on, creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?   A  beautiful photograph inspires me to try to take one as well.

What turns you off?   I get discouraged when I realize I do not have enough time to pursue most of my creative interests. 
 
What is your favorite curse word?   Heavens to Mergatroid!

What sound or noise do you love?   My Tater Tot makes 100 different sounds that I love.

What sound or noise do you hate?  Like everyone else, the alarm clock. It's not really the clock's fault as much as how early it is set to go off.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?  Easy, I want to be a runway model farmer.

What profession would you not like to do?  Assembly line work. Toll taker. Anything boring and repetitive.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly Gates?  There's been some mistake with the paperwork. We'll send you back down to live another 100 years. And say hi to the models for me.

P.S. To my fellow blogger friends, this list would be an excellent meme, no?

Japanese Are Weird

Thanks to my friend Paul for sending me the following:


"On a narrow Tokyo street, near a beef bowl restaurant and a pachinko parlor, Aya Tsukioka demonstrated new clothing designs that she hopes will ease Japan’s growing fears of crime.

Deftly, Ms. Tsukioka, a 29-year-old experimental fashion designer, lifted a flap on her skirt to reveal a large sheet of cloth printed in bright red with a soft drink logo partly visible. By holding the sheet open and stepping to the side of the road, she showed how a woman walking alone could elude pursuers — by disguising herself as a vending machine.

The wearer hides behind the sheet, printed with an actual-size photo of a vending machine. Ms. Tsukioka’s clothing is still in development, but she already has several versions, including one that unfolds from a kimono and a deluxe model with four sides for more complete camouflaging.




Ysukioka says her inspiration has been Japanese ninja assassins, who cloak themselves in black blankets so that they cannot be seen in the night.

She says the invention fits in with Japanese sensibility. "It is just easier for Japanese to hide. Making a scene would be too embarrassing."

The designer's other inventions include a manhole bag which unfolds to look like a sewer cover and a backpack which can transform into a fire hydrant to hide a child.

20 hand sewn vending machine skirts have already been sold, costing about $800 each."

As Paul wisely pointed out to me, "But what if the rapist stops to buy a Coke?"

 

Honest! A Giraffe Ate My Homework

I read about it in last month's Vanity Fair magazine and can't stop thinking about it. It is Giraffe Manor.



It is a 120 acre estate just outside Nairobi, Kenya and the owners have converted the former hunting lodge into a six-bedroom hotel.

British born Jack Leslie-Melville and his American wife Betty adopted Daisy, one of the  "highly endangered Rosthschild giraffes - which can be as tall as 20 feet, making them the tallest of the species" back in 1974. Since then, three more generations of her family have called the lodge their home.

Over the years, guests including Walter Cronkite, Johnny Carson, Mick Jagger and Stephen Sondheim have visited the manor and had the thrill of seeing giraffes poke their heads in the window looking for a butler to feed him some nuts.

The hotel "doesn't pretend to be swanky. It can be a delicious introduction to Africa, or a rest after a full-on safari.  'It's a home, and you are our houseguests. No spa. No television. Here you walk in the forest, you talk, you read, you sleep, and you read.' There are views of Mount Kilimanjaro and the Nyong Hills....."

Sounds  like one of those once-in-a-lifetime expensive-but- worth-it travel destinations. Here is the site for Giraffe Manor.

And even if your weekend is sadly giraffe-free, please enjoy it!    

   

   

Dude Looks Like A Lady

A tip of the LPGA tour hat to the clever blogger who started the "Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians" web page. It's genius and it really does cast some well-known celebrities in a whole new light.

For instance, music-producer-turned-Teflon-killer Phil Spector:



See, that is a man who looks like an old lesbian. Or former Speaker of the House of Representatives Newt Gingrich:




There is no doubt, right? Here's Oscar winner Al Pacino:




Now fellow Oscar winner Michael Moore:




As a Claymate, this one hurts me but you can't deny the Sapphic nature of Clay Aiken's appearance:




There are plenty more examples on the site so happy hunting!

Why Stealing Is Good

I was not impressed with 2004's Taco Bell promotion during the World Series. They offered a free taco for everyone in the United States if a home run was hit by either team off a target over the left field wall during Game 3 in St. Louis. Didn't seem like a real risk since the target was only about 12x12. That's a big ballpark times a handful of home runs divided by a tiny surface area. Hence, no free tacos.   

I don't know if they offered any free meat in 2005 but last year they expanded the offer to any home run hit over the left field wall, again during Game 3. Was there one?

Now it's Fall Classic Time again (Game One is tonight!) and again those clever bastards at Taco Bell have us talking about their latest offer. This time they will likely actually give away some tacos.

"BOSTON (Reuters) - Many Americans will be wagering on this week's baseball World Series. For Taco Bell, the stakes are a free taco for everyone in the United States.    

The fast-food chain on Monday unveiled a promotion it is calling "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco," which will run through the best-of-seven matchup.

"Millions and millions of people will be watching the Series and hopefully tuning in to see when they are going to get their taco," said Taco Bell spokesman Rob Poetsch.

There has been at least one stolen base in every World Series matchup since 1990. When the first base is stolen, the unit of Yum Brands Inc, will announce a Tuesday afternoon when consumers will be able to walk into the chain's participating 5,800 outlets and ask for a free taco. Anyone who walks into a participating outlet during the give-away period would be eligible for a free taco.

Despite the promotion's name, stealing the taco will not be required."

 

P.S. I picked the Indians to beat the Red Sox to get to the World Series so keep that in mind as I pick the Red Sox to win it over the Rockies in 5 games. Again, I know nothing.

There Are Southern Lights Too!

It is odd that I don't collect stamps seeing as how I love the post office (I go there several times a week) and that I am interested in so many of the subjects of each year's first class stamps.  This month a new stamp came out of particular interest to me: the Polar Lights, also called the Northern Lights, or the Aurora Borealis.



I have never seen them in person but have heard that they are occasionally visible from Seattle, where I live.  My better bet would be Idaho or Montana in the Lower 48 or I could almost guarantee to see them if I spent some time in Alaska.

What are these strange and wonderful things? From the USPS press release:

Oct. 1, 2007, the U.S. Postal Service will issue this pane of 20 41-cent stamps with two designs that feature photographs of the polar lights, often known as auroras.

         

"The polar lights are a luminous glow seen in the night sky at high latitudes surrounding the north and south magnetic poles. These auroras are the result of a magnetic storm — when Earth’ magnetic field is unusually active due to a dynamic interaction with the Sun. During magnetic storms, energetic electrons descend from space and collide with molecules in the upper atmosphere, leading to the emission of green and sometimes red light. Auroras come in different visual forms, including arcs, curtains and rays, and are a relatively common sight in Alaska, Canada and northern Europe. During particularly intense magnetic storms, auroras can occasionally be seen in some of the lower 48 states as well.          

“Aurora” is the Latin name of the ancient Roman goddess of the dawn. The aurora borealis are the northern lights, and the aurora australis are the southern lights. Through history, auroras have inspired a colorful folklore, especially among northern Europeans and the Inuit people of Siberia and North America, where the lights have been attributed to human or animal spirits and have sometimes been thought to foretell ominous news. Today, the aurora is the subject of scientific investigation, with researchers from many countries collaborating during International Polar Year 2007–2008."

Yes, please!! 

 

 

Million Dollar Idea #1

Here it is: Extreme Spelling Bee.

Nerdy 9-year old white boy steps up to the microphone and misspells   "vivisepulture." Instead of just a buzzer and a walk off, he gets pelted from the audience with rotten fruit.

Tiny home-schooled Mexican girl is next and misspells  "xanthosis." She gets shot in the forehead with a paint gun.

Indian pre-teen with fuzz on his upper lip correctly spells "prospicience." From the side of the stage come a litter of puppies to lick his feet.

Another home-schooler can't figure out "appoggiatura" and when she misses, a trap door opens up on the stage and down she goes into a tank of sharks.

And so it goes....warm Mrs. Fields cookies for the winners,  Montecore from the Siegfried and Roy show for the losers.  Spell it right and get a lap dance from Hayden Panettiere. Miss your word and out comes a needle full of smallpox.

Who could turn that show off? it's TV magic and it is yours for the taking!

      

You Are Getting Very Sleepy

Our beloved English bulldog Tater Tot (the best dog in the world ever) had a minor surgical procedure this weekend and though she recovered well it is always worrisome for us when she has to be put under. Driving her home I was trying to imagine what the world was like before anesthesia was invented.

According to Wikipedia, nitrous oxide was used to try to deaden pain during surgery around 1800; carbon dioxide around 1820; chloroform in the 1830s, diethyl ether in 1842, and cocaine (!) in 1859.

I found it interesting that Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. coined the word "anesthesia" in 1846. I wish he has made it easier to spell.

Think of all the surgeries people have fairly regularly and try to picture what they would feel like with no anesthesia: wisdom teeth removal, broken bones being set, heart bypasses, etc. Ouch.

Oh, Good Grief!

Someone once said that we buy books because we like to imagine we will one day have the time to read them. That's me to a tee. Every time I go into my Barnes & Noble I see 20  books I'd love to read but know I likely never will.  I spend so much time reading magazines and newspapers and the internet that I really only allow myself to read books on plane rides. 

So, in two hour bursts, I am currently working my way through Volume Two of Simon Callow's massive three- part biography of Orson Welles, called Hello Americans. It is dense but worth it, much like Scarlett Johansson.  I knew quite a bit about Welles' early triumphs with the Mercury Radio Theater and, of course, Citizen Kane, but was really interested in finding out how that brilliant career was derailed so soon after his film debut and reading about the decades of meandering and often unfinished projects afterward. It is a fascinating read about a talented man who was his own worst enemy.

When I am done with Orson I am really looking forward to the new biography of cartoonist Charles Schulz, just out. Authorized by Chucks' estate, some of whom are now complaining that their patriarch is portrayed as too melancholy and not the fun man they knew, it's called Schulz and Peanuts by David Michaelis.

From Publisher's Weekly: "For all the joy Charlie Brown and the gang gave readers over half a century, their creator, Charles Schulz, was a profoundly unhappy man. It's widely known that he hated the name Peanuts, which was foisted on the strip by his syndicate. But Michaelis, given access to family, friends and personal papers, reveals the full extent of Schulz's depression, tracing its origins in his Minnesota childhood, with parents reluctant to encourage his artistic dreams and yearbook editors who scrapped his illustrations without explanation. Nearly 250 Peanuts strips are woven into the biography, demonstrating just how much of his life story Schulz poured into the cartoon. In one sequence, Snoopy's crush on a girl dog is revealed as a barely disguised retelling of the artist's extramarital affair. Michaelis is especially strong in recounting Schulz's artistic development, teasing out the influences on his unique characterization of children. And Michaelis makes plain the full impact of Peanuts' first decades and how much it puzzled and unnerved other cartoonists. This is a fascinating account of an artist who devoted his life to his work in the painful belief that it was all he had."

Happy reading!

 

Not So Great Dane.

Fact: Dane Cook sucks.

That wouldn't be even worthy of a post if he weren't sucking in new ways that are really getting on my nerves lately.

Let me back up. If you are lucky enough to have avoided this person so far, he is an "actor" and "comedian" of inexplicable popularity in 21st century America. Yet he has accomplished less than Paris Hilton. 

His movies are all horrible and yet he still manages to be worse than the material. Good Luck Chuck, Employee Of The Month, Mr. Brooks, and Waiting are some of his most recent offenses. It's not just that he is untalented. He's not even interesting.

Dane Cook: Vicious Circle, his TV stand up "comedy" special was all standing up and no comedy. His reality "comedy" show Tourgasm was so bad it made the viewer less funny just by watching it.

When he confines himself to his own shows at least he is easy to avoid but this month I've had to endure his face on TV and voice on radio because some genius at Major League Baseball thought Dane Cook is the guy to do promo spots for this year's playoffs. So one minute you are rooting for the Indians to beat Boston and the next, before you have time to hit the remote, Dane Cook's is on your TV urging you to watch the playoffs THAT YOU ARE ALREADY WATCHING. Yep, he is that stupid. At least the ads aren't funny. Or interesting. Or entertaining. Can I say anything nice about Dane Cook? Uh...he's consistent?      

White On!

A few years ago I bought my friend Jimmy a lawn jockey for his birthday. I felt it was a thoughtful gift that he would love but found out later that he unwrapped it and then immediately hid it in his garage. When I asked why, he explained that he couldn't put it in his front yard as I hoped because unlike me, he "didn't live on Klan Island."



(Yeah, I bought one for myself too)

Anyway, there are no actual Klansman on my island (that I know of) but I did find out today that the island we live on is indeed 91.9 percent white, which was Jimmy's inference. We are also 2.6% Hispanic, 1.5% Asian, 1% Native Indian, 0.4% Black, 0.1 Pacific Islander and 0.3% Other.

If all this sounds like it's right out of the 2000 census then you win! Visit Zipskinny.com to see how your own Zip code fares in all sorts of neat categories.

Mi isla bonita had a population of 10,123. 58.9% are married. 3.3% are 80 years old or more. 48.8% have a bachelor's degree or better. 1.4% are unemployed. And so on and so on. I really enjoy looking at numbers like these.

Zipskinny also allows you to compare your Zip code's data in many key categories to about 80 nearby postal districts. Plus you can see how Zips all over the country rate; for instance, who knew the median age of Kansas City's 64147 is only 12 years old? That there are thirteen zip codes where 100% of the population lives below the poverty line?

Bear With Me

There is an email going around highlighting "photographer Norbert Rosing's striking images of a wild polar bear playing with sled dogs in the wilds of Canada's Hudson Bay."

The description of the photos adds, "The photographer was sure that he was going to see the end of his huskies when the polar bear materialized out of the  blue. Obviously it was a well-fed bear and he returned every night that week to play with the dogs..."

Now, I have some doubt that that story is true. Norbert Rosing is one of the premier nature and wildlife photographers in the world, with ten books out and many, many photos published in National Geographic of polar bears, walruses, bald eagles, the Northern Lights and all things Arctic.

It just seems to me that a fellow who has spent so much of every year since 1988 photographing "the Lords of the Arctic" would know better than to leave his dog outside at night in Churchill Bay where polar bears can get them for even one night, much less five in a row!

It's hard to argue with the results though. I mean, if you are going to use your dogs as bait, as least get some great photos out of the deal, right?

Weather is Here. Wish You Were Fine.

I love the mail. I look forward every day to walking down to the mailbox and seeing what's in there.  I know lots of people who don't feel that way and say the only things they receive are junk mail and bills. Here's the answer for scrooges like them and postal enthusiasts like me!



Postcrossing.com is a "postcard crossing project (that) allows anyone to receive postcards - paper ones, not electronic- from random places in the world."

You get an address to mail your postcard to and someone else in the world gets your address to mail you one. I just signed up and see I am mailing a postcard to an 8th grade student in Finland. I will report back where I get my postcard back from. 

Say It Ain't So, Juice!

"California  Revenue & Taxation Code Section  19195 directs the Franchise Tax Board to publish an annual list of the top 250 taxpayers with liened state income tax delinquencies greater than $100,000. Before we publish the list, we mail each taxpayer who may potentially be on the list, a certified letter, return receipt requested. The letter provides them an opportunity to voluntarily settle their liability..."

So begins this page of the California Franchise Tax Board website.

Let's see who owns the most to the Golden State. Something called the Rapid American Corporation is in arrears for $26,811,433.96.

Tops in liens filed for personal income tax is Waheed U Begum of Fremont, Ca. who owes $10,558,114.14. Further down the list is Big H Ng of San Francisco, on the hook for $6,864,244,48. You can't trust anyone named Big h Ng I guess.


Wait, what's this? At #17 of the top offenders is Dionne Warwick of South Orange, New Jersey. Owes more than two million dollars. C'mon Dionne! Pay up! That's what friends are for!


At #33 is a name familiar to some. Orenthal Simpson of Miami, Florida owes $1,435.484.17 in delinquent personal income tax to the State of California.

A) Shouldn't he be #32?

B) I am beginning to get the feeling that O.J. has no respect for the law.

All About Testudo

Higher education had about as much use for me as I had for it. I completed most of two years at the University of Maryland, College Park campus, before dropping out and entering the work force full time. I can't say I never looked back because I wish I'd graduated -it wouldn't have hurt- but I certainly don't regret it enough to make me go back.


Anyway, a school chum forwarded me the University's monthly alumni bulletin this week and I saw a mention of Testudo the Terrapin, the least fierce school mascot I know. Sure, there are dumber ones like the Banana Slug or the Aardvark, but does any creature  strike less fear into the hearts of the visiting football team like a freaking turtle? Oooh, look out! We're coming to get you! Really, really slowly.

So here are 5 fun facts about Testudo and a link to more if there are any Terrapins out there who remember rubbing his nose for luck on the way to class every day like I do.

1. Maryland football coach Dr. H. Curley Byrd recommended that the Diamondback terrapin be made the school mascot back in 1932. Before then, Maryland teams were called the Old Liners.

2. There are several theories as to how the name Testudo was chosen. The one that makes the most sense to me is that the scientific classification for turtle is testudine. 

3. In 1933 the 300 pound bronze statue was unveiled on campus and the live turtle that had been used as a model attended the ceremony.

4. Many pranks have been pulled on Testudo over the years by rival schools during  football and basketball seasons. Johns Hopkins and the University of Virginia both managed to steal the statue  before it was filled with 700 pounds of cement and attached to a new perch with steel rods and hooks in 1951.

5. In 1992, a bronze twin of the beloved statue was created and placed outside the football complex locker room. Now he can be a lame mascot in two places at the same time.

   

Maybe I Do Have The Worst Taste Ever....

Blender magazine has published their latest list of the 50 Worst Songs Ever and once again this year I appear to be at least partly responsible for some of these records being hits. Here's my breakdown:

Songs I Love: 4
Songs I Like: 18
Others: 28

Let me at least defend my top four on the list.

At #44 on their worst songs ever list they list Meatloaf's  "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) accusing it of not "making any sense" because it doesn't say what the Loaf won't do. That's the magic of it and just one reason why it's great. One can imagine anything to be the singer's dealbreaker and I just assume it was watching "So You Think You Can Dance."

Blender says the forty second worst song of all time is "The Sounds Of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel, saying it "sounds like a vicious parody of a pompous and pretentious mid-60s folk singer." We might know some of those pompous and pretentious pretenders by name if they could have written anything as good as this.

They call "The End" by the Doors the the 26th worst song ever. Are they right that is is "bombastic and lugubrious" and that it "sounds like it was recorded in a large metal shipping container and mixed by drunks?" Yes. But I love psychedelic music and the "anemic jazz noodling" of the guitar works for me. Plus, Apocalypse Now, bitch!

Their #12 worst song ever is "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys. They call it  "a gloopy mess of faux-Carribean musical stylings."  I say it always sounds like summer whenever you hear it. I didn't see the movie Cocktail, from whence it came, I so don't have that dragging down its memory either. Plus, the Beach Boys are close to my favorite band ever and the harmonies on this are their best of the 80s.

I wonder if somewhere there is somebody writing his blog and defending "I'm Too Sexy" (#49) or "Achy Breaky Heart" (#2).

Alfred Nobel? Dyn-o-mite!!!

I owe my friend Frank Murphy all the credit for forwarding me the fascinating Associated Press article just ahead.

'Tis the season, of course, with the prizes for medicine, physics, chemistry, and literature all having been handed out this week and the winners for the peace prize coming later today and the economics announcement on Monday.   


Here then are "Common misconceptions about the Nobel Peace Prize...

An award that generates as much interest as the Nobel Peace Prize is bound to be surrounded by mystery, myth and misconceptions.


Geir Lundestad, secretary of the secretive committee that awards the prize, once outlined for The Associated Press some of the most common misunderstandings:

_ Myth: The awards committee announces a shortlist of candidates.

The committee does not release the names of any candidates and keeps records sealed for 50 years.


_ Myth: A campaign for a particular candidate can sway the awards committee.


It could have the opposite effect on the fiercely independent committee, which does not want to appear to have been influenced by public pressure.


_ Myth: Candidates can be nominated until the last minute.


The nomination deadline is eight months before the announcement, with a strictly enforced deadline of Feb. 1.


_ Myth: Anyone can nominate a person or group for the Peace Prize.


Nobel statutes state who may make nominations. They were slightly broadened in 2003, and now include former laureates; current and former members of the committee and their staff; members of national governments and legislatures; university professors of law, theology, social sciences, history and philosophy; leaders of peace research and foreign affairs institutes; and members of international courts of law.


_ Myth: The prize can be revoked if a laureate does not live up to the standards of the peace prize.


There are no provisions in the Nobel statutes for revoking the prize. The committee says the prizes are awarded for efforts up to the moment of the announcement.


_ Myth: The prize can be awarded posthumously.


The prize was award posthumously only once — in 1961, to former U.N. Secretary-General Dag Hammerskjold, after he was killed in a plane crash in Africa. The rules were amended in 1974 to prohibit posthumous prizes.


_ Myth: The prize is awarded to recognize efforts for peace, human rights and democracy only after they have proven successful.


More often, the prize is awarded to encourage those who receive it to see the effort through, sometimes at critical moments in a process.


_ Myth: The Nobel peace prize is awarded in Stockholm, Sweden.


It is awarded in the Norwegian capital of Oslo as stipulated in Alfred Nobel's will. The other five Nobel prizes are awarded in Stockholm."

It's Been A Quiet Week.....

Unlike TV's Homer Simpson, and all the real life Homer Simpsons all across America who think just like him, I've been enjoying Garrison Keillor's work for many, many years. I read his books and newspaper columns, listen to his radio show, go to his concerts, and even saw his movie. Yeah, I'm the one.   

So you can imagine how thrilled I was to hear he was in town this week and was a guest on the Dave Ross show on 710 KIRO radio, the station I most listen to anyway.

It was a brief appearance, less than a half hour, even with the commercials, but Keillor was engrossing as always. He described how he puts together his "News from Lake Woebegon" segment on the NPR show, A Prairie Home Companion each week. He explained why radio is still the most effective medium of them all. And most interestingly, he offered his theory on why college educations might be the worst thing a young person can get.

Listen to the interview your own self here!

No Photography Allowed

Before she was her Serene Highness, Princess Grace of Monaco, she was Grace Kelly, Oscar winning actress from Philadelphia, Pa., USA.

I've been a fan of hers for many years, particularly her Hitchcock movies, To Catch A Thief, Dial M For Murder, and Rear Window.

It was my good fortune that our trip to Italy last month coincided with the first ever Grace Kelly artifact museum exhibit in nearby Monaco, in observance of the 25th anniversary of her untimely death.

We really enjoyed the breadth of the items on display, from personal letters and telegrams to an extensive wardrobe collection to movie memorabilia. 

    

The thing I was most excited about seeing was Miss Kelly's Academy Award statue she won for 1954's The Country Girl. When a break in the crowd opened up in front of the display case, I whipped out my little camera and framed the shot. Seemingly out of nowhere a security guard appeared and reminded me that no photography was allowed in the exhibit hall.  :(

But you can't stop good old fashioned American stick-to-itiveness! Once I had figured out the guard's rotation around the room I reached into my other pocket and pulled out my far less conspicuous iPhone. I then snapped this picture of the Oscar and ran! 

Not exactly the memento I was hoping for but if you look really closely and squint and already know what it is you are looking at, you can kind of see it's a bona fide specimen of Hollywood history.

P.S. For further information on the tribute exhibition, a wonderful hardback companion book is available for sale here.

This One Goes (Down) To Eleven...

The latest Zogby survey is out and it shows Congress' approval rating down to eleven percent, another all time low. So 11% are "fir" and 89% are "agin." Nearly nine of of ten Americans, statistically, say the House and the Senate are doing a piss-poor job. Not sure if that was the actual language of the question but that is the message I am hearing based on these numbers.

For a good while now I've been percolating the idea that is is time to vote Congress out. All of them. Every single incumbent. Time to start over, and with as many people as we can elect who have never held a political office as possible.

Poking around online I  see others have reached the same conclusion. Maybe it's time for me to do something with VoteCongressOut.org, one of my many unused domain names. I ask you, and with all seriousness, could 535 freshmen congressmen do worse than the current batch of idiots?

Update! And it's good news! 57 year old Congresswoman Jo Ann David (R-Va.) died Saturday morning of cancer.

She is the fifth (!) member of Congress to die this year after:

Paul Gillmor (R-Ohio), natural causes
Charles Norwood, Jr. (R-Ga.), pulmonary fibrosis
Juanita Millender-McDonald (D-Ca.), colon cancer
Craig Thomas (R-Wy), leukemia

This isn't what I had in mind when I suggested we vote Congress out but who am I to halt progress?   

   

Hot Hot Hot

I can't say whether or not Google Inc. is really worth $175 billion dollars but that is its approximate market value right now. Its stock trades at nearly 600 dollars a share and its founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page are estimated to be worth 4.5 billion dollars each. 

I can say that one of their many new offerings has become one of my favorite pages on the internet. It is called Google Trends and here's what it does.

Thing One is interesting but I haven't found much use for it yet. That's where you enter two to five items into the search line and it returns a graph that shows you how they compare against each other, based on the number of requests. For instance you can see how much more popular the Beatles are than the Rolling Stones and by what margins and in what countries or languages. 

Thing Two is the one I love though. it's called Hot Trends and it shows you the Top 100 fastest emerging requests, updated every fifteen minutes. These are not the most popular search terms overall as those are nearly always just what you'd expect: things like "Weather" or "Britney Suicide Watch" or  "Oakland Raiders Suck."

No, the terms on the Hot Trends list are the ones that are the fastest rising requests by percentage. As I type this on Sunday afternoon, the #1 Hot Trend search is "Crandon Wi."  Why? A shooter opened fire at a party in that small town and shot six people. #2 is "Chicago Marathon" which I now know was run today and won by, surprise!, a Kenyan, and then canceled due to extreme heat. 

Other entries in the Top 20 include both "George Steinbrenner" and the man he is threatening to fire today if "Joe Torre" can't find a way to lead the Yankees over the Indians.

I guess I dig this because it's a way to get the news before it even becomes news. Whatever is happening will likely show up in Hot trends before it makes the front page.

Way To Bum Us All Out

Two of my favorite welcoming signs of the holidays are the late September arrival of the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte and the late October arrival of eggnog in the supermarket.

Well, Newsweek.com is already making sure I don't enjoy the coffee this year with their article called, "the Eight Most Fattening Foods Of Fall."

Turns out that yummy beverage to the right comes with 20 grams of fat and 510 calories.  Still worth it, I say, but click here if you want your Halloween candy and Thanksgiving meal ruined too.

At The Tone the Time Will Be....

I  still have 853-1212 lodged in my brain from years ago when i used to call that phone number to get the correct time when I lived in The Bad Place way back when.

Just last month, Southern Californians might have spied a "Service Withdrawn" message on their bills and an announcment that the Time of Day service had been discontinued. 

Now, the service hangs on only in Northern California and Nevada. Even those recordings are living on... uh...borrowed time.

It makes sense. The reason I haven't thought of the "Speaking Clock" service in years is because there are clocks everywhere in daily life now: on microwaves, cellphones, ipods, Tivos, computers, etc. Most young people don't even wear a wristwatch for the same reason.

Read more in this L.A. Times article, including a description of how it was large drums that  made the recordings work plus meet a few of the famous Time Lady voices of the 20th century.   

I'm Not Asking You, I'm Telling You....

I haven't been impressed with any of the new fall season television offerings so far. 

Three of the shows, and they're the ones with some of the biggest buzz so far, all seem like the same show to me: Chuck, Reaper and The Bionic Woman.  Each is about a regular Joe/Jane who has something unexpected and fantastical happen to him or her and has to learn to deal with it. Watch their friends and family be amazed as they start fighting crime/capture souls for the devil/run really fast.

I feel like I already get all that and more that each week on Heroes, a much better show than any of them. 

But as excited as I am to have The Office, 30 Rock, House and Family Guy back, the debut I have been waiting for is tonight at 9:00 on NBC.

Friday Night Lights is the little show that won't quit. This is its third night on the NBC schedule and maybe the lack of Tuesday and Wednesday competition will being in some more eyeballs.

Critics and a small but fanatical following got the show renewed for a second season. Last year It ended up on almost every magazine's top ten list (Entertainment Weekly, Time, etc.) and was named by the American Film Institute as the best TV show of the year.

I could go on and on about the superior acting, the story, the music, how unfreakingbelievably hot actress Minka Kelly is, but I'll close with the most important thing to remember: IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT FOOTBALL!  Just in case that is what has kept you away....

Just watch it! Mkay?   

Happy Fiftieth Birthday!

Not many of you were alive 50 years ago today (Sorry, dad) at the very start of the space race. On October 4, 1957 the Soviet Union (kids, ask your teachers) launched the world's first artificial satellite.  And it was called Sputnik. And it was good.

Good for them because the sight of a little piece of Russian technology cruising over American skies every 90 minutes for 1440 revolutions was "proof" that their communist way of life was superior to ours.   

And good for us too because the beating America's national pride took that fall was enough to convince educators and politicians alike of the need to make the teaching of math and sciences a matter of national interest and security.

Download sputnik_tones_from_space.mp3

(Thanks to the Toledo Blade)

As much as we got served by the Russians, who followed Sputnik with the the first animal in space and then the first human, we more than caught up by the early 60s and by the end of the decade had landed our first man on the moon.   

This week I saw the outstanding new documentary on the Apollo program that is currently in theaters and can recommend it to you if you have even a passing interest in the space program.

Michael Collins and Buzz Aldrin (pictured) are among the Apollo astronauts interviewed for the film and their personal accounts of the trip to and from the moon on Apollo 11 are as fascinating a tale as any human has ever had to tell. Look for In The Shadow Of The Moon in your movie clocks.      

These Are My Kind Of Nuns!

My wife and I went on the vacation of a lifetime last month to Italy. We saw these nuns in front of the stunning Duomo Cathedral on a beautiful sunshiny afternoon in Milan. I thought of the sisters this week when i saw this story in the news:

Feuding nuns force convent demise

By Christian Fraser
BBC News, Rome

"A convent in Italy is being shut down after a fight between its last three remaining nuns. So badly did relations deteriorate between the sisters of Santa Clara in Bari that the Mother Superior ended up in hospital with scratches to her face. Now the local archbishop has intervened and asked the Vatican for permission to close the convent. Sister Liliana is on her own there now and says she has no intention of leaving her home of the past 44 years.

The Clarissa nuns are regarded as the most austere order of the Roman Catholic Church, devoted to a life of prayer, penance and quiet contemplation. But at the Santa Clara convent in Bari, the vow of silence was shattered by an unholy row.

Sisters Annamaria and Gianbattista say they were driven to distraction by the nasty habits of their Mother Superior, Sister Liliana. They became so angry that during the summer they turned on her, scratching her face and throwing her to the ground.  The two nuns have now moved into a nearby convent, leaving Sister Liliana barricaded inside.

Despite the efforts of the Archbishop Giovanni Battista Pichierri to reconcile the three sisters he has been forced to call on the Vatican for help. He wrote to the Holy See telling them the sisters had "clearly lost their religious vocation" and with only one nun remaining has asked for permission to close the convent down.

But Sister Liliana is not going without a fight. She has been at the nunnery for 44 years and she is not going to be pushed about now. She has written to the Pope telling him she will only leave when God decides it is time to go. And since she is devoted to her vow of silence it is not that easy to reason with her."

Good luck and Godspeed, penguins.

This Could Be Cool

I haven't tried this yet but plan to sign up today. Greendimes.com has been online for just a year and claims to have stopped nearly two billion pounds of junk mail from being sent to its members.   

Their junk mail reduction kit can reduce the number of credit card offers, insurance offers, sweepstake offers, coupon mailers, charitable solicitations, retail catalogs and mail that comes to you addressed to "resident" or "occupant" by more than 90 percent.

It's a one-time fifteen bucks per household address fee and for that they'll also plant ten trees on your behalf.  Greendimes.com.

I Miss Baseball!

 

 

That was the scene in the Phillies' clubhouse yesterday after improbably clinching the National League East and good for them.  Even with the Mets' historic collapse Philadelphia still had to nearly win out in the last two weeks of the season to make the playoffs. I surely would be enjoying this week if I were a Phils fan, or an Angels fan, or a Red Sox fan, or...you get the picture.

But loving the Seattle Mariners is my curse and Safeco Field is all buttoned up for the winter starting today. The lockers are cleaned out and the players' personal belongings are in Fed Ex planes right now going to the Dominican Republic, Japan, and even exotic Ohio.

As disappointing as it is to not make the playofffs again this year what keeps fans like me coming back every spring is that we believe that winning the World Series is a dream that is truly within our team's grasp.

There was a lot to be pleased with this season. We re-signed Ichiro Suzuki, who just batted .351, to a multi-year deal.

22 year old starter Felix Hernandez showed us he can be the ace of this club for a long time to come. Pitcher Miguel Batista won 16 games.

Young players like Adam Jones, Jamie Burke and Jeff Clement all made real contributions in the last weeks of the season and could do even more next year.   

Seattle has the fifth best record in the A. L. and ended up second in the American League West and ten games ahead of last year's last place finish.

Yeah, it's going to be a long winter. Congratulations to the teams and the fans who still have games that matter to them still to be played.  Me? I already can't wait for 2008.