Sweetheart, Have You Met My Wife?

I read an article in USA Today almost two weeks ago that I am still thinking about. So it occured to me that maybe I should share it with you in case it touches a chord in you as well.  I am betting it will.

"Retired Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's husband, who suffers from Alzheimer's, has found a new romance, and his happiness is a relief to his wife, an Arizona TV report reveals.

The report, which quoted the couple's oldest son, Scott O'Connor, focused on Alzheimer's patients who forget their spouses and fall in love with someone else. Experts say the scenario is somewhat common.

Offering a glimpse into the private life of a woman who has remained on the public stage since her Supreme Court retirement in 2006 to care for her husband, the report spotlighted John O'Connor, 77. He and the woman, referred to only as "Kay," live at a Phoenix facility for people with Alzheimer's.

"Mom was thrilled that Dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here and wasn't complaining," Scott, 50, told KPNX-Channel 12 in Phoenix in a story that aired Thursday. The station is owned by Gannett, as is USA TODAY.

VIDEO: Sandra Day O'Connor discusses dealing with husband's Alzheimer's

Though Sandra Day O'Connor, 77, did not appear in the television report, it gave a rare look at the life of the nation's first female justice. The family's willingness to highlight an aspect of a heart-wrenching illness recalled O'Connor's decision in 1994 to go public with her feelings about breast cancer.

In a speech to the National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship, she spoke about discovering the cancer in 1988 and undergoing a mastectomy.

Scott compared his father to "a teenager in love" and said, "For Mom to visit when he's happy … visiting with his girlfriend, sitting on the porch swing holding hands," was a relief after a painful period.

The O'Connors, who have three children, met at Stanford Law School and married in 1952. John O'Connor left a partnership at a Phoenix law firm to come to Washington with his wife in 1981. He worked for D.C. law firms but was limited in his ability to take on matters that could come before the justices.

As her husband's disease became more difficult to handle, O'Connor retired.

She was traveling Monday and could not be reached for comment.

Peter Reed, senior director of programs at the Alzheimer's Association in Chicago, said the frequency of Alzheimer's patients forming new romantic relations is hard to estimate. "But the underlying causes of this are fairly common," he said. Though patients lose their cognitive abilities and experience mood changes, "one of the things that doesn't go away is the need for relationships."

"Justice O'Connor is certainly to be commended for … raising awareness and helping to reduce stigmas," he said.

Lisa O'Toole, manager at the center where John O'Connor resides, said the facility participated in the TV report "to educate the public about the disease process."

Reed said 5 million Americans have the progressive brain disease that affects memory and behavior."

Comments

[Geo]

It is indeed a tragic disease. I know of the toll it takes on a family. To see someone as you have remembered them, almost leaves you feeling as empty as they are.
On a lighter note. I think we all suffer a form of Alzheimer's. When we see someone we are with do something dumb or stupid, what do we say. I don't know you!

[keatonfan]

My grandmother suffered from Alzheimers disease as well, and was in a home for 4 years before she passed away. My grandfather visited her every other day for the entire 4 years and would spend the whole day by her side.

She too had a crush on a guy who was in the facility, and my grandfather was ok with that. She would flirt with my grandfather when he was visiting, and she had a companion who would spend the off days with her.

She couldn't keep a thought for more then a min, but at least she didn't feel alone. That was what kept us all sane for that time, since she didn't remember any of us, nor could we carry on a conversation with her for any length of time. It was really hard to say goodbye to her and know that she had no idea who I was, or recall any part of the visit we had just had.

[Steven]

At least they stop asking you to visit.

[Christina]

Oh my gosh, what a bittersweet story. My great-grandfather had the early signs of Alzheimer's, and it was a little unsettling to leave after a visit and not be sure if he had been fully present during that time. He actually had a romance w/ a lady at the religious grounds he was living at. Part of me at first resented it, thinking it was a dishonor to my late great-grandma. But then I realized she would have wanted him to be happy and if a female companion could offer that, then it was a good thing.

Anyway, I now have even more profound respect for Former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. Professionally and personally she is an amazing, caring, and insightful lady and a great role model to women everywhere. Thanks for sharing, Gene - I really like this post.

[humby]

I wish I had alzehimer's.

[LA]

My dad died of Alzheimer's disease nearly 5 years ago, and so this story has held my interest, too. The thing about Alzheimer's is that your loved one "disappears" while their physical being remains, so you mourn them while they are still alive. It's extremely hard on the family in that regard. I was willing to furnish my dad with anything that made him happy during those dark days, so I can empathize with the O'Connor family's delight that Mr. O'Connor has found a new friend who brings him joy.

[Tiffiny Kaye Whitney]

You know, this story is both very sweet and sad. I think that, naturally, you would want your partner and love to be happy no matter what. If they were stuck with a degenerative brain disease like Alzheimer's...yeah, you'd want them to be comfortable. Still...I would feel awful that my husband had forgotten me and fallen in love with someone else. Obviously it'd be no reflection on me, but it'd hurt, nonetheless...even knowing that my husband had found true love in his final days.

[Vic Rattler]

As interesting as this story is, it's sad Bean's basically recycling other peoples work as blog content.

[Ethan]

My grandma's best friend has an early form of Alzheimer's, but is always looking on the bright side. As she told me, "Having Alzheimer's is great! I can buy my own christmas and birthday presents and be surprised when I open the box and I can hide my own Easter Eggs." So, its not all bad.

[Ann]

What a bittersweet story. Bean, I love you.