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January 2008

January 31, 2008

There Oughta Not Be A Law

This tiny web page likely couldn't contain a list of all the things that are illegal in this county that I believe shouldn't be. And not just the fun ones like marijuana possession, gambling, and prostitution either, but other less sensational no-nos like wearing baggy pants and paying college athletes.

In fact, when I'm running things (or Ron Paul is, whichever comes first), you won't have to worry about stories like this one anymore, from yesterday's USA Today.


India busts alleged kidney transplant ring

Kidney NEW DELHI (AP) — Police said they were raiding hospitals and guest houses Monday as part of their investigation into an illegal transplant racket that allegedly removed kidneys from up to 500 poor laborers and sold their organs to wealthy clients.

Police suspect that dozens of doctors were involved in the kidney racket, which had a waiting list of some 40 people hailing from at least five countries.

The scam, centered in Gurgaon — a posh suburb of New Delhi — used luxury cars outfitted with blood-testing machines to test donors on the fly as well as sophisticated surgical equipment hidden inside a residential neighborhood.

Accounts varied on whether the laborers were aware they were selling their kidneys or whether doctors removed them without their consent. Under Indian law, the sale of human organs is illegal under any circumstances, though organ donations are allowed.

Mohd Salim, a man who lost his kidney, said the scam began when a stranger approached him to offer him work.

"I was taken to a room with gunmen," Salim told the NDTV television news channel. "They tested my blood, gave me an injection, and I lost consciousness. When I woke up, I had pain in my lower abdomen and I was told that my kidney had been removed."

He didn't say if he was paid, but the Hindustan Times newspaper reported that those who were paid for their organs earned $1,250.

The kidney ring had a waiting list of dozens of people from India, the United States and Greece, according to the Hindustan Times. Several patients waiting for a transplant were at the facilities when police raided them Friday, but they were allowed to return to their countries without being held for questioning."

(end of article)

Look, if someone wants to sell his kidney we should just let him. There is no excuse for people to be drugged and wake up with a surgical scar in a bathtub full of ice.

Now that I know that this story is true and not just another urban legend I am totally going to look into Microsoft paying me $245.00 every time I forward an email so that they can "make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program." 

I know it sounds crazy but "Fw: PLEEEEEEEEASE REEEEEAD! IT WAS ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA TODAY SHOW"


January 30, 2008

Animal Farm

Quick recap for those of you joining this saga late: Godzilla, Boy Pig, age 10,  is battling his third skin cancer diagnosis. He just spent ten days in a central Oregon hospital receiving chemotherapy after surgery. We brought him home Sunday.

Based on previous  experience with 'Zilla being away from home we knew there might be some tension in his reunion with his life mate, Sophie. She is also 10 and man, can she hold a grudge! You do not step out on this pig. A few days away from home without a better reason than CANCER, apparently and she will freeze your porcine ass out. 


Sophiezillaone

Exhibit A: Godzilla is just getting home here and is met at the door by an angry woman. Yeah, we've all been there.

 

Sophiezillatwo

Exhibit B: "Come here right now, young man!!!" (Sniff, sniff) "What is that smell? You have some 'splaining to do and it starts now, Mister."


Sophiezillathree

Exhibit C: "Where do you think you are going? Come back here right now."


Sophiesleeping
Exhibit D: Later that night, "Hey, sleep on the couch, man. You are not coming anywhere near this bed."


Godzillasleeping Exhibit E: Godzilla on the couch. This was the scene Sunday night, Monday night, and still last night. Sophie is starting to allow  him to eat near her during the day and I hope she is warming up to getting things back to normal but so far, no dice.  It breaks my heart but there are times when we just have to let it play out. These kids have ten good years together. I think they'll make it.


While we are in the barnyard, I am keenly aware that many readers could not be less interested in another idiot babbling on about his stupid pets. If you are still reading this far, however, I thought you might enjoy some pictures of some of our other animals that you don't see much on this blog.


Betsyportrait

Our cow, Betsy. we adopted her when she was already 17 and found herself having to move from the only home she had ever known.


Buttercupportrait

Buttercup is about twelve. We have had her since she was ten months old. We love her. She barely tolerates us. Some pets are like that. Some people are even like that.


Happycloseup

Finally for today, our burro, Happy, who is somewhere in his twenties.  Donna took this picture Sunday. Happy seemed to think the camera was food!


January 29, 2008

Bet You'll Yawn!

Yawn Ahead of the comments you'll leave, let me admit that I know you likely yawn at most of the posts you read here at StronglyWorded letter.com. But today I nearly guarantee it.

What is the yawn reflex? Science doesn't know. Lack of oxygen is a popular unsupported theory. And if why we yawn is a mystery, even more of a conundrum is the phenomena that causes us to yawn when we see other people yawning. I am so susceptible to the suggestion that I yawn when I see someone else doing it on TV. I can't stop myself from yawning even when I read the word "yawn." How about you?

There are several theories as to why yawning is contagious.  One is a complicated idea that "mirror neurons" in the brain copy the action when we see it, but I don't hear about people starting to blink or cough because others do.

Another theory is that yawning is part of the evolutionary herd instinct; that the yawn serves to synchronize mood behavior among animals to signify tiredness to the pack and coordinate sleeping.

My whole life I have tried to fight reflex yawns but can't do it. It is a powerful, mysterious impulse.


Stare The other thing that puzzles me is how you are able to tell if someone is staring at you. I don't know if it has ever been proven by scientists, but hasn't everyone reading this had it happen before? Someone out of sight from you is giving you the evil eye and you can almost feel the burn. You look around and there he or she is. For me it is usually a model checking me out but your experience may vary. 

Saturday night Donna and I were enjoying the wonderful 1944 film Gaslight and there it was again. Charles Boyer's character takes his wife, played by Ingrid Bergman, to a music recital. He starts squirming after a few minutes as he almost "feels" the presence of Joseph Cotten's Scotland Yard officer who is seated several rows behind the couple. Sure enough, he turns around and Cotten is more certain than ever that Boyer is up to no good in his attempt to fleece his new bride of her inheritance.   Weird, right?


P.S. Godzilla is home. Update tomorrow and I thank you again for all your well wishes.

 


    

January 28, 2008

America Is Lost. Or Is It?

"Tough guy Sylvester Stallone's comeback as film action hero Rambo narrowly missed the top spot on its opening weekend in North America, box office figures showed.

Stallone's blood-splattering turn as a renegade Vietnam war veteran took 18.15 million dollars according to preliminary figures from industry tracker Exhibitor Relations.

The follow-up to the classic 1980s film trilogy sees the 61-year-old actor, in the title character's trademark headband, fighting genocidal forces to protect Christian missionaries in the Burmese jungle." (from wire services)

If you went to see Rambo this weekend, then I have a question for you. What are you doing? Seriously, that was not a rhetorical question. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Rambo_3

(Click to enlarge.)

I didn't see the movie but then I haven't seen any of the films in the series. Am I missing out on something entertaining? Is this Rambo movie, in fact, awesome with awesome sauce on top and I am just  an ignorant big fat loser? It wouldn't be the first time.

January 27, 2008

Of Course!

It's so obvious it's a wonder no one ever thought of it before. You see it and think, "Of course that exists. If it didn't I would have had to  invent it."

I am talking about the website How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take In A Fight?  Don't get me started on all the ways this information could come in handy.

Please take the short survey about your mental and physical preparedness for the task here or in the box below to get your number. As you can see, mine is 18 and I was absolutely honest in answering the questions. How'd you do? And have you ever had occasion to fight that many of the little monsters at one time?

  18

January 26, 2008

Old People, 1. You, 0.

Dennysmeal_2 I guess I knew I would be one day be one of those people but didn't imagine that it would be this year.

But there I was, Thursday afternoon, walking into  a Denny's restaurant for dinner. By myself.  With a newspaper under my arm. At 4:00 in the afternoon.

You thought it was just a comic's punch line right - that old people eat dinner at Denny's at 4 p.m.?  Nope, it's true. And I am now one of them.

I am not often the youngest customer in a restaurant but that day I was by at least 25 years. There were only two tables in play when I arrived. It looked like a couple in their 80s at one table and two men and two women, all of whom must have been in their 90s at another.

Only catching fragments of the bigger table's conversation I did hear the words, "stroke," "nursing home," and "50 years ago."  All four of them were still wearing their coats and hats too although they were well into their meals. Either they were cold inside the Denny's or they forgot they had them on when they came in.
Dennysme

I have to admit it was a pretty sweet time. That Denny's is usually pretty packed and I enjoyed the relative quiet while I leisurely enjoyed my Seattle Times. The grilled chicken was good, the coffee endless, and the in-house music system provided an enjoyable soundtrack of 1970 soft rock hits. "Philadelphia Freedom" and "Could It Be I'm Falling In Love" seemed right on but I questioned Grand Funk Railroad's "We're An American Band" as dinner music.    

Usually I have someplace to dash off to after dinner but that day when the bill came it was still not even 5:00 so I languished a little and decided to splurge for a Coke float too. Good times.  We old people know how to live. Now stay off of my lawn!

January 25, 2008

Wake Me Up When We Get There

Totonferry

Here is the mighty Tot in action in the passenger seat of my car while we were crossing Puget Sound on the ferry yesterday afternoon. Yes, she fell asleep with her head on my arm. So I used my left hand to take this picture with my cell phone, as best I could. Tater was quite annoyed when we docked and I had to use my arm again to drive.

Tater Tot Friday Bonus Photos:

Not another bulldog today but instead some photos that Donna sent me from Oregon last night. You may recall our boy pig is in the hospital down there undergoing cancer treatment. She spent Wednesday and Thursday with him and I am going down Sunday to bring him home. Yay!!! Get well soon, Godzilla!   

Zillaone_2

Zillatwo_2

Zillathree


January 24, 2008

A Jury Of Your Peers

Mainlogoclear Don't call me Bean, call me King County Superior Court Juror #102308610. Yesterday and the day before were the days I have been looking forward to my entire adult life: jury duty!

I find it surprising that this was my first ever jury summons considering that I a) have lived in five states since I turned 18 and became eligible to serve, b) have continuously held a driver's license, c) have voted in many elections, and d) have owned several different pieces of properties. I expected that any of those would have made my name readily available to be called but it never happened until now.

I was surprised how large the jury pool was when I reported for duty at 8:00 a.m. Tuesday morning. We must have numbered about 200 people in the waiting room. After a brief introductory video called We The People and then a few procedural words from jury manager Greg Wheeler, we knew what to do next. Wait.*

About an hour into the day, the first announcement came over the speaker that 35 names had been randomly selected and would be escorted upstairs to form a jury pool. My name was not called.

45 minutes later the second batch of names was called and mine was among them! I turned in my paperwork and waited for the bailiff to take us to a courtroom. Then came an  announcement that all of  us in jury pool #2 would  have to fill out some additional paperwork with questions all about our feelings toward the Hells Angels. Oooh, sounds like a hot one!

Almost immediately though the clerk called my name again and asked just me to step up to the counter. "How did they know?", I thought, "that I can tell someone is guilty just by looking at them? Now they are going to want me to be on all the juries!"

Wrong. Turns  out another guy with my same first and last name was the one they wanted for the motorcycle case and I was back on the outside looking in.

Another 45 minutes or so and then came the real call. I was in! I was one of 40 jurors in pool #2 and was whisked upstairs to Judge  Catherine Schaffer's courtroom on the 7th floor floor of the King County Superior Court. 

I was very impressed with the judge. She spoke quite eloquently  about the  importance of the jury system its history in British common law. She spoke of the defendant's  presumption of innocence and of the state's extraordinary burden of proof. I felt like I was reliving the civics lesson I probably slept through in 9th grade, and enjoying it.   

I found out that our case would be fraud case that involved a stolen check written by the defendant to the defendant for a little over 500 bucks. Allegedly, I guess. Still, not nearly as cool as the Hells Angels trial going on one floor up. 

Then her Honor turned the floor over to the two attorneys in the case to begin the process known as "voir dire," a medieval French term meaning, "to tell the truth." This is when the defense and prosecution tries to whittle the 40 down to 13 jurors (twelve, plus an alternate) that they hope will be receptive to  their interpretation of the facts of the case. The defense attorney looked a lot like Maggie Gyllenhaal (the cute Maggie from Secretary, not the scary drugged out one from Sherry Baby) but the state's attorney was a fox who looked exactly like Maggie Grace (remember dead Shannon from Lost?)

During the interviews, I learned a lot about my fellow jurors in a very short amount of time.  Average age appeared to be about 45. Astonishingly, just like Seattle itself, the racial breakdown appeared to be about 40 whites, 2 blacks, 5 Asians, and 3 others. 

Favorite news sources were NPR, Seattle Times, and New York Times though everything from Fox News to Al Jazeera to local channel KING 5 was mentioned.

Predictably, Microsoft, Boeing and Nordstrom, all Seattle based companies, were easily the most mentioned employers.   

Favorite non-work activities mentioned most included church, skiing, reading, and working out. Most  were married. Most had children.

As I was listening to the room I found myself wondering which jurors were going to be trouble once we got into deliberation. Kind of like how you size up other passengers on an airplane to see who you could take if you had to.

The guy who looked like Carlos Mencia wanted to impress upon us that a criminal should never get off because of a technicality. He had a very long rambling speech about O.J. Simpson to back that up. He did not get selected.

The guy who looked like Ben Kingsley must have known a lot of the right things to say. He had previously served on three other juries, as the foreman each time. He got picked.

The woman who looked like Roseanne was selected also. She had testified as an eyewitness in three separate trials involving the bank she worked at being robbed.

And so it went. I sat there in what should have been my deliberation room as 13 names were called and none of them even rhymed with Bean.  The state of Washington is apparently not interested in my brand of justice. Judge Shaffer had made it clear to us ahead of time that we must not take it personally if we did not make the panel; that it was not a reflection on our ability to judge a case fairly. I would be lying if I said I were not disappointed though.

Let me close with this first-hand observation of the process in action.  Those who paint jurors with a wide brush, who assume that the only people who serve are too stupid to get out of it, and that it is the dredges of society deciding court cases could not be more wrong. The group I spent the afternoon with was bright, articulate, well-informed and eager to fulfill their constitutional duty.   

And if you are one of the many who tries to dodge jury duty when it is your turn, I ask you this. Thomas Jefferson believed that the right to a trial by a jury of your peers was one of the most important and central principles of what the new American nation stood for.  Since you disagree, what idea do you think is better?


*Speaking of waiting, Day 2 of my minimum service requirement had none of the excitement of Day 1. My name was never called all day and I was excused around 2 p.m..

 

January 23, 2008

Strongly Worded Letter #5

Old Business first.

I was too tired last night to coherently write about my first jury duty experience yesterday but needless to say I fought the law and the law won.  :( 

Anyway, that will be the subject of my post tomorrow plus I should have a Godzilla update by then as Donna will be heading down to Oregon to visit him tomorrow too.

Thank you for all your warm wishes for our pig. Who would have ever predicted that he would start today healthier than Heath Ledger ?

Now, New Business:

T

Dennis Kelly, Program Director
KOMO Radio
140 Fourth Ave. North
Seattle, Washington


Dear Mr. Kelly,   

     First of all, let there be no doubt that I am a hardcore KOMO AM 1000 fan. Yours is the number one button on my car radio and I have you as a the default on every set in my home too.  And it's not just because I am a rabid Mariners fan and am already counting the days to the first pre-season game you'll air next month! No, I am a news junkie too and  appreciate the quality of both the ABC network content you carry and your local news team too every single day.
    
     You've been in the business long enough to know that a letter that starts off with such effusive praise, no matter how true, will always be followed by the word, But...   

     So here goes: Your anchors and traffic reporters use a word several times an hour that drives me crazy. It is "roadway." As in, "Let's see what's happening out on the roadway" or "The major roadways are clear tonight."

     Sir, do you know a single person in "real life," not on the radio, who uses the word "roadway?" Can you imagine calling home and  telling your wife you saw an accident on the roadway coming into work today? 

     In the 21st century it would be so refreshing to listen to people on the air who talk like real people talk.  While not as egregious as  "highways and byways," another old traffic reporter crutch phrase, I still think it is time to retire "roadway." The much more modern word for the same thing is the simple "road" and I'm sure no one will be irritated by that one.

     Please take this suggestion for what it's worth (possibly nothing) but do accept my sincere compliments on your excellent radio station anyway.

     All the best,

(end of letter)



Me again. What words or phrases do you hear on radio or television that drive you crazy? Please discuss.   

      

    

January 22, 2008

O Death

Characterdeathgrimreaperindividuali2008 is shaping up to be the bloodiest year in recent memory and no, I'm not talking about the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan. How about someone looking into who is killing so many of our celebrities?

We're only three weeks in and here who's already gone.         

"Suzanne Pleshette, the beautiful, husky-voiced film and theater star best known for her role as Bob Newhart's sardonic wife on television's long-running "The Bob Newhart Show," has died, said her attorney Robert Finkelstein. She was 70."

"Bobby Fischer, the reclusive American chess master who became a Cold War icon when he dethroned the Soviet Union's Boris Spassky as world champion in 1972, has died. He was 64."


"Maila Nurmi, who became synonymous with her character Vampira, the television hostess who presented horror movies in the 1950s has died at 86."

"Brad Renfro, the troubled young actor whose film career began at age 12 with "The Client," has died. He was 25."

"Christopher Bowman, the former U.S. figure skating champion dubbed "Bowman the Showman" for his flair on the ice, died Thursday. He was 40."

"Sir Edmund Hillary, the unassuming beekeeper who conquered Mount Everest to win renown as one of the 20th century's greatest adventurers, has died, New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark announced Friday. He was 88."

"Hollywood's honorary mayor Johnny Grant, best-known for unveiling stars on Tinseltown's 'Walk of Fame,' has died aged 84, city officials said Thursday."

"Allan Melvin, a character actor best known for playing Sam the Butcher on "The Brady Bunch," has died. He was 84."

"Singer John Stewart, who came to prominence in the 1960s as a member of the Kingston Trio, but was best known for writing the Monkees' enduring hit "Daydream Believer," died Saturday. He was 68."

Skull2_2 You sometimes hear celebrities die in threes - how about tens, the way we're going? Do you, like me, wonder who's next?  One site, Deathlist.com makes predictions at the start of each year as to who is most likely to go next but I am not that impressed by the breadth of their selections.

They seem to be just playing the age odds by picking mostly celebrities in their eighties (Charlton Heston, Fidel Castro, Fats Domino)  and nineties (Karl Malden, Eli Wallach, Kirk Douglas).

I'd like to see some daring out of....er....into the box strategy with some picks like Keanu Reeves (43), Dane Cook (35), or best of all, Hallie Eisenberg (15), who used to be that ugly annoying kid in all the Pepsi commercials.

January 21, 2008

Good Idea!!

Every generation gets the luxury of living in the Golden Age of Inventions.  In my life as an adult I have seen everything from microwave ovens to telephone answering machines to bank ATMs to the internet to TIVO to hundreds of other useful ideas made real that Americans use all the time. 

Imagine being one of those guys - still alive today -who made such an impact.

Les Paul: "Yeah, I invented the electric guitar." 

Peter Dunn and Albert Wood: "Right, we invented Viagra. I know. It's funny my name is 'Wood.' I get that a lot."

Scott Olsen: "Do I know what rollerblades are? I invented them."

Stein I bring up the topic after receiving an email from blog reader Niki about the man who invented the record album cover.   

Alex Steinweiss is eighty years old now but was just 23 in 1939 when he suggested to Columbia records that they were missing a marketing opportunity by selling their records in plain paper
sleeves.

His first cover, for a collection of Rodgers & Hart songs, sold so well that he was instructed to design covers for all of the label's new releases and eventually created artwork for over 850 albums for artists like Benny Goodman, Duke Ellington, and Count Basie.

Steinweiss_2 Interested in finding out more? A biography called, For The Record: The Life And Work of  Alex Steinweiss, Inventor Of The Album Cover came out in 2000 and is available here.

And if you are in southern California between now and 12 February, check out the exhibit of Steinweiss's original album covers, paintings, and collages at the Robert Berman Gallery in Santa Monica.


 

January 20, 2008

This Little Piggy Went To Hospital

We've had a tense week because one of our furry ones is in the hospital. Meet Godzilla. He's ten years old and weighs just over 600 pounds.  He had a rough start because his mother died during childbirth and he was the only one of his litter of ten that did not find a new mommy. We gave him that name because we wanted him to have something strong and powerful in his life to get him through the hard times.

Here he is, still at the vet's office in 1997 where we had to keep him for three days on antibiotics and fluids to get him healthy before we were able to bring him home. He's three months old here and weighs just eight pounds.

Baby_godzilla

Of course we had to bottle feed him for some time after we got him home.  Here I am at one of his many feeding times.

Godzillafeeding


Here he is with our other pig, Sophie Marie having some dinner. She now weighs 750 pounds, by-the-way and is powerfully missing her mate right now. Until this week I don't think they slept apart more than three or four nights in ten years together.

Gozillaeating

Our Christmas card in that magical year of piglets, titled My Donna And Child. Sophie was going to be the model but she was too squirmy so the always well behaved young man got to be the Chosen One.

Godzillaxmas

Fast forward to Godzilla as a grownup. In this undated photo he enjoys an afternoon in the pond. Pigs don't have sweat glands in their skin, as you may know, so they roll around in the mud to cool off on hot days.

Godzillapond_2

Donna took this one of him on Thursday, the day of his surgery to cut out some skin cancer from his ears. We tried to kill the bad cells by having them frozen at a clinic in Washington on two prior occasions but they came back. Why? Because cancer sucks.

Godzillahospital_3

This time we found a specialist in central Oregon to do this hopefully more permanent solution. He needs to remain there for another week for follow up chemotherapy. Donna stayed with him to spend the days in his stall and read aloud to him both Charlie And The Chocolate Factory and Charlotte's Web. Godzilla loves story time. And vanilla wafers.  

I drove down yesterday and was so happy to see him up and around. This treatment is uncomfortable but his pain is well managed here at this facility and if we can take him home next weekend and the cancer does not recur it will have all been worth it.

Godzillachemo

Godzillajail

I don't know much about prayer or good vibrations or whatever is supposed to help the sick in times like these but we would very much appreciate any good thoughts you can send Godzilla's way.  :)         

January 19, 2008

Me And A Million Other Guys....

Cloverfield_posterThe title of today's post refers to the number of bloggers who, just like predictable ol' me, will be writing about the new film Cloverfield today. It opened yesterday after several weeks of breathless chatter and feverish anticipation.

If you think you might see the film then please come back to this post afterward and add your thoughts but you must STOP READING NOW if you do not want any plot points spoiled.

But for the rest of us now, here are Ten Things I Thought About During Cloverfield.

1) Don't they make tripods for cameras anymore? This largely hand held shot film makes Blair Witch Project look like a still life painting of a bowl of fruit.  I know people (Hey, Princess!) who would never survive a screening of this movie with stomach contents intact.

2) Also, where do they sell those video cameras with batteries that last for 24 hours of almost constant stopping and starting shooting?

3) I'm glad I don't get invited to parties like Rob's going away bash because if I walked in the door the average attractiveness of the room would dip 40%. Doesn't that crowd have any friends who are fat? Or just average looking?

4) I did see one black guy there though and it really confused me.

5) I have to give props to  whoever made the iPod mix for the party though: Black Keys, Kings Of Leon, Spoon, even Parliament Funkadelic ! Oh, wait, maybe it was the black guy.

6)  Wasn't it weird that none of the characters in the first few minutes after the attack ever wondered out loud if it was terrorism? In Manhattan?

Cloverfieldodette_l 7)  Rob's girlfriend Beth? Yes, please.

8) Rob's friend Hud? The guy who mostly did all the filming? SHUT UP!
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! STOP TALKING!

9) My impression of Rob's friend Hud? "Rob, Rob, Rob, Hey Rob, Rob, Rob, Wait up, Rob, Hey Rob, Rob, Rob...."

10) I'm glad I saw it but like most "event" movies, I can't imagine ever wanting to see it again.

What did you think? Please discuss!

 

January 18, 2008

Not Just Cute, But Popular Too!

For the first time in 72 years, the bulldog has made it back onto the American Kennel Club's list of top 10 most popular dog breeds. The list is based on 2007 AKC registration figures. Of course, the Labrador Retriever is still the AKC's "Top Dog" --a position it's now held for 17 consecutive years.
   
This year's most popular list (last year's rank in parentheses):

10. Bulldog (--)
9. Shih Tzu (9)
8. Poodle (8)
7. Dachshund (6)
6. Boxer (7)
5. Beagle (5)
4. Golden Retriever (4)
3. German Shepherd Dog (3)
2. Yorkshire Terrier (2)
1. Labrador Retriever (1)

Speaking of bulldogs, it's Tater Tot Friday!!!

Tater_with_ball_under_table_2

Tater's favorite game is to take her ball under the coffee table and bark until you try to take it away from her. Then she grabs onto it and will not let it go. Repeat. Again. And again.

Have a superb weekend!


 


January 17, 2008

Rufus King For President!

So Romney won the Michigan state primary, McCain and Clinton took their respective party's crown in New Hampshire, and Huckabee and Obama were the #1s in Iowa. Perhaps one of these 2008 hopefuls will end up in the White House next year as President of the United States.

Ency0136 Or perhaps instead one of them will join Samuel Tilden, Horatio Seymour or Rufus King and have his portrait hung in the They Also Ran Museum. We never got to have a president names Rufus because he lost to James Monroe in 1816.

Yep, it's a museum dedicated to  the other party's nominee, the candidate who lost the presidential election, and you'll find it in the mezzanine of the First State Bank in Norton, Kansas.

Several candidates lost their first bid for the presidency, but were successful on their second attempts, among them Thomas Jefferson and Richard Nixon. Some won a first term but lost a second, such as Herbert Hoover and George H.W. Bush.

Native son Bob Dole is proudly displayed. He lost to Bill Clinton in 1996.

Henry Clay is the nation's most consistent loser - running as a presidential candidate three times for three different political parties, losing to John Quincy Adams in 1824 as a Democratic Republican, to Andrew Jackson in 1832 on the National Republican ticket, and finally to James Polk in 1844 when Clay ran as a Whig. Whew.

I am sick just now learning of this awesome attraction while enjoying the 2008 Farmer's Almanac and have quoted them liberally here. If it had been included in last year's Almanac I would have made sure to include the town of Norton in my vacation plans when I visited Kansas for a week last March. Remind me to post photos one day soon. 

    



January 16, 2008

Close Encounter Of The Unlikely Kind

Look, you'd be hard pressed to find a more enthusiastic, open-minded listener than I when it comes to hearing UFO stories. Like my old TV friend Fox Mulder, I Want To Believe.

But while the latest story to capture headlines, this one in Stephenville, Texas, is causing excitement among some, I have to yawn.   

Some highlights from USA Yesterday:

"In this farming community where nightfall usually brings clear, starry skies, residents are abuzz over reported sightings of what many believe is a UFO.

Several dozen people — including a pilot, county constable and business owners — insist they have seen a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. Some reported seeing fighter jets chasing it.

"People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it's the end of times," said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. "It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts."

While federal officials insist there's a logical explanation, locals swear that it was larger, quieter, faster and lower to the ground than an airplane. They also said the object's lights changed configuration, unlike those of a plane. People in several towns who reported seeing it over several weeks have offered similar descriptions of the object ...".   Blah blah blah...Read the whole article here.

Why does the story leave this reporter cold? Because, like thousands of other sightings, there is still a question  as to what was seen, if anything.

Independence_day My patience is exhausted with "I saw lights moving fast across the sky." At this point in history there are more recording devices in more hands  covering more of the world than ever before. I need a Day The Earth Stood Still type sighting, or to my younger readers, an Independence Day visit from whatever is supposedly out there and taking the time to come all the way to our planet just to graze the tree line before heading home.       

Not to  naively assume that they would act just like us, but if the roles were reversed and we were visiting their far away home  we would want to meet them, see them, study them, and, if I know our species, possibly kill them. We would never get there and try to hide, right? Then why have we had 60 years of cat-and-mouse UFO sightings?

Do I think they are out there? Absolutely. Have they visited  us? No. And I don't think it is the power problem or the vast distances between worlds that is most likely to prevent it from happening. I think it is that intelligent humans have only been on Earth for a relative blink-of- the-eye in the big picture; a few million or a few thousand years depending on whether you trust science or Mike Huckabee. The chances that someone comes knocking while we are at home is pretty remote. 

By the way, I will be really ticked off if I die and just miss meeting E.T..  Unlike those who are afraid of inter-species contact, I wish for it every day. Then finally we could stop talking about Britney.

 

January 15, 2008

Attention: Everyone

No, I do not want to talk to you via Yahoo Messenger.

No, I do not want to be your friend on Friendster.

No, I do not want to want to be your friend on MySpace either.

No, I do not want to join your Linked In network. 

No, I do not wish to see who wants to contact me on Classmates.com.

No, I do not wish to see your photos on Flickr.

No, I do not wish to be in your Yelp network.

No, I do not want to receive your updates from Twitter

No, I do not want to be your friend on Facebook.

No, I do not want your instant messenger message from AOL.

No, I do not want to know what you are listening to on Last.fm

No, I do not want to know what you are reading on GoodReads.com

No, I do not want to join IndieGoGo.com, whatever that is.

No, I do not care to be listed on Spock.com, whatever that is.

No, I do not care to see your channel on YouTube.

But thanks for writing.

January 14, 2008

Jessica, Put Daddy's Car Down.

I don't recall if I mentioned during my trip to the animal safari park in Oregon last month that I love hippos. They are definitely in my Animal Top Ten, along with polar bears and penguins, pigs and naked mole rats, bees and dogs, cows and hedgehogs, and, of course, tapirs.

Here are a few more hippo photos from my trip, unfortunately all taken from inside the car due to park rules. Then we'll meet Jessica and see why she rules.

Hippo1

Hippo2

Hippo3

Hippo4


Okay, now about Jessica. Here are some highlights from the Sky News story:

"Jessica weighs almost a ton and enjoys sweet coffee and a massage before she goes to bed. She's a hippo with a big identity crisis - she thinks she's a family pet.

Tonie Joubert, a retired game warden from Hoedspruit in South Africa, found her washed up on his land by flood water when she was just a day old.

He hand raised her, fully expecting her to return to the wild as soon as she was old enough. That was seven years ago and Jessica has never left.

"I don't know whether she thinks I'm a hippo or she thinks she's a human," Tonie explained as he deposited another fistful of sweet potato inside Jessica's gaping mouth.  "But we have the most fantastic bond."

Me again. Hmm, as a retired game warden Joubert must know how deadly the big creatures are - they kill more people than any other mammal in Africa. Wonder if the news story when that happens will be the follow-up YouTube video to this delightful introduction to Jessica...



January 13, 2008

Seeyahawks!

Brettfavre2 That's Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre, age 10. 

I believe he, or most other 10 year olds, could have beaten the Seattle Seahawks yesterday in round two of the playoffs, as they did almost exactly nothing right.

That's really only 97% true, I guess, because they did recover two Packer fumbles for touchdowns in the first four minutes of the game. Then they proceeded to never score another one while giving up seven (7!!!!) to Green Bay. 

The bright news for Hawks fans is that it was not the type of loss that you replay over and over again in your mind every day of the the 8 month off season. No, it wasn't like all that was needed was a different play here or an adjustment there.  Seattle was pasted.  Dominated.  Crushed. Licked. Overpowered. Humbled.  Trashed. You get the idea.

Okay, they were ruined. Surmounted. Thwarted. Conquered. Mastered. Undone. Obliterated. 

Still not getting it? How about hammered? Pounded. Vanquished. Bested. Rode hard and put up wet. They were crippled. Subdued. Tamed. Cooked. Destroyed. Shellaced. Pulverized. Totalled.

Oh, yeah, and they lost too.

Let's Go Mariners!!!





   

January 12, 2008

Saturday Smorgasbord

Vampira_3

1) R.I.P. Vampira. Who knew she was still alive? But now I am sad.


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2) This may be the cutest baby I've ever seen. Kinda hairy though. Wait, what's that?


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3) Y'all know how I feel about puppies. What you don't know is that piglets are even cuter. Even fluorescent ones.


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4)  Watch last night's episode (#211) of Friday Night Lights at NBC.com  and  I'll give you a dollar* if you can name a better actor on television than Kyle Chandler. Watch it.  I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.


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5)  America loves Brett Favre. I get that. I do too. But he's won his ring.  Now it's time for his former backup QB Matt Hasselback to get his. To get another shot at it all the Seahawks have to start by beating the heavily favored Packers today on the hallowed and frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, 1265 Lombardi Ave., Green Bay, Wisconsin, 54307.  Yes please.      


*dollar not included

January 11, 2008

It's My Party And I'll Pout If I Want To

Tater_pouting_2_2_4

There must have been one moment recently when we weren't giving 100% of our attention to Tater Tot and she was keen to express her displeasure. (Donna took this one)

Tater Tot Friday Bonus Bulldog:  Many, many thanks to blog readers Jeff and Christine for sending me this photo of their precious Maddie.

Maddie_2

Finally, and don't think you can send me your mangy non-bulldog pictures and expect to see them published, but here is my dad's dog Scamp, age 12 today, by executive order.


Scamp_2

January 10, 2008

Hell Computers

Apple_logo I've been an Apple guy for the past seven or eight years and besides really, really loving their computers, I have been uniformly happy with their customer service. I can get them on the telephone. They speak English. They even have several retail stores in Seattle with competent, knowledgeable employees who seem eager to help.

Unfortunately, my job also requires me to have several Dell personal computers in my home and that's where today's post picks up.

Last Thursday a power surge somehow knocked one of the computers out of commission, despite being plugged into a surge protector. A little research revealed that the machine was still under waranty so I called and scheduled an appointment for the next afternoon, between 1:30 and 5:30.

Friday, Day One: Around 5 the tech guy showed up - as an aside, does anyone know anyone who has ever gotten an appointment near the front of the window? - and he replaced the PC's internal power supply which did not fix the problem. Turns out he needed another part to try Plan B, a part which he did not bring with him.

I made an appointment for the next business day - as an aside, why couldn't they offer support on weekends? - and proceeded to wait.

Monday, Day Four: Still waiting. And waiting. Then a call came in from Dell alerting me that the missing part had not been ordered in time so there would be no appointment that day either.

Laptop Tuesday, Day Five: Again with the 1:30 to 5:30 appointment window. Again around 5:00 the phone rang and I was told - get this - that the part had arrived but had been sent to a different tech person than the one who was scheduled to come to my home!!!  Then I was told there was no way to get  Part A to person B so they would have to reschedule the appointment for  the next day!!!!

Wednesday, Day Six was yesterday. Miracle of miracles. The tech guy came in the middle of the afternoon window, had the part, and finally fixed the problem. Now I am back up and running. 

If I had bothered to do a Google search for "Dell Computer customer service" I would not be so surprised by my experience.

Turns out Dell, despite their nearly continuous television commercials  that cheerfully claim the opposite, is far and away the leader among all technology companies in complaints to the Better Business Bureau. 

After scanning site after site dedicated to what many call Hell Computers I learned that their disregard for customer service is  legendary  and that I was apparently lucky to get my hardware problem resolved at all!  I saw stories of PCs that were dead on arrival and hours spent on hold on the phone to talk to "Wendy" in Calcutta.  Among the  pages I found:

Why Dell Sucks 

I Hate Dell

the Dell page of ConsumerAffairs.com

and the Dell page of Epinions.com.

I didn't have any choice but to bring Dell products into my home but you do. Buyer beware!


January 09, 2008

Don't Tell Rihanna!

Umbrella One of the many thoughtful Christmas gifts I received last month was this awesome Hello Kitty umbrella, from my friend Leah.  It fits nicely with my Hello Kitty toaster, waffle maker, water cooler, camera, clock, CD player, pencil box, gloves, Pez dispenser, well, you get the idea....

Here's the dirty little secret that only people who live in Seattle know: Nobody uses umbrellas here. I didn't own one before this gift and I don't think Donna has one either. In fact, I don't know a single person who uses an umbrella in Washington. Not one.

Oh, occasionally I will see one operating on the streets downtown but I figure those are just tourists. Or TV anchormen worried about their hair and makeup. Live in Seattle a while and you begin to barely notice if it's raining or not. In winter sometimes it rains so many days in a row that when it slows down to a drizzle, it feels like it is not even raining at all!


Rain1 You quickly get over any concern about getting wet if you're outside.  It is not uncommon to see two people standing on the sidewalk chatting leisurely with one another while it pours.  And I imagine if you added up all the hours you could waste carrying, opening, closing, losing, buying and re-buying umbrellas over a few years it would not be an insignificant chunk of time.

Don't get me wrong, Leah. I am grateful for the gift. And since I'll never use it, it should last me forever.

January 08, 2008

In Case You Run Across A Lot Of Sugar?

Today is the 100th post of StronglyWordedLetter.com!

But look, if I had time to run a third blog it'd be dedicated to a daily posting and analysis of the World's Largest Things. I ache to bring you details of the World's Largest Roadrunner (Las Cruces, N.M.) and the World's Largest Shuttlecock (Kansas City, Mo.) but there is just no time.

Thank you to blog reader Brynne, however,  for this recap of her recent visit to the World's Largest Wooden Spoon in Miyajima, Japan.

Spoon1

Spoon2

Spoon3


"This past November I spent two weeks exploring Japan with three of my best friends.  Have you ever been there? If not, leave immediately. 

"Japan is the most beautiful, clean, fascinating country I have ever been to.  We had the most amazing time; fumbling our way around the cities, talking with locals, and snapping over 3,000 pictures combined.  We're ready to go back :) "

When I asked why the World's Largest Wooden Spoon was in Miyajima here's what she had to say, "Something about a monk that lived on that particular island, making a wooden rice-serving spoon that doesn't damage the taste of the rice.  Right.  And of course, you can buy your own version of this gi-normous spoon in any of the souvenir shops nearby."

Thanks, Brynne!

January 07, 2008

It Is What It is

Rice1Ray Rice is a junior at Rutgers University and the star running back for their Scarlet Knights football team. He rushed for 290 yards and four touchdowns in their bowl win over Ball State on Saturday and was asked after the game if he would return for his senior season or declare himself eligible for the NFL draft.

"Me and coach will sit down once we get back to New Jersey and decide on that," Rice answered.

"Me and coach?" This guy is a junior in college with that brain? 

At least he didn't say he is taking it "one day at a time" or some other overused sports cliche.  If he had, he might have earned a mention in columnist Gene Collier's annual Trite Trophy column in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

The whole column is worth reading here  but here are his top three sports cliches of the year and  reasons why:


"The finalists for the 2007 Trite Trophy (the three requirements: excessive use, essentially meaninglessness, and I have to really, really hate it):

Our third runner-up:

Thrown Under the Bus.

It's become something of a bridesmaid for the Trite, but still gets abused on a daily basis by players and coaches cast as scapegoats in all manner of sports dramas. Why are they throwing him under the bus? I don't know. I wish they'd just blame him.

Our second runner-up:

Run the Table.

Had a monstrous year because of the Patriots' run at an undefeated season, doable only as a mirrored function of their ability to run the table, sometimes referred to as WIN OUT. Happily enough, New England, in emerging as the team most likely to run the table, also managed to table the run.

Our first runner-up:

It Is What It Is.

Oh yeah, I hear that palpable sigh of relief in our audience recognizing that a Threepeat has been averted. It Is What It Is, a hyper-abused construction of astounding meaninglessness, was last year anointed the only two-time winner in Trite history. It Is What It Is remains a near primal force on the sports verbiscape, an almost constant reminder that when you can't think of anything to say, you can always go IIWII.

And now ... the moment dozens have been waiting for, the 24th Trite Trophy goes to ...

They're Very Physical.

What?

Are You Kiddin' Me? What about Are You Kiddin' Me??

No, They're Very Physical, the veteran cliche used and abused by so many coaches and players, writers, broadcasters, fans and pets over so many years finally gets its moment. Perhaps the most vapid description of any upcoming opponent ever devised, and readily adaptable twaddle for every kind of analyst pretending to know anything about any team in America, They're Very Physical has lived to serve.

They're Very Physical is everywhere and in every way completely useless.

They're Very Physical.

Well good, because this ain't Jeopardy."

 

January 06, 2008

House Of Wachs

Have you just about had an ass full of this Writer's Guild strike? Are you going through major Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert withdrawals?

Well, until those shows return on Monday, here's a 5 minute band-aid. My friend Larry Wachs* has hooked up with a comedy site called SuperDeluxe to present the weekly webisode  What's Your Story?  Here's his latest episode.


I have known Larry since Air Supply were popular and believe him to be one of the funniest guys in America. It is endemic to the decline of radio in recent years that a talk show host as talented as he has been out of work for over a year at the same time the industry moans and whines about losing audience share to ipods and satellites.

Do yourself a favor and bookmark Larry's blog here. I see that he has recently implemented a new feature that is new to me called Ether. It looks like it is a third party application that can put two people on the phone together without either being able to see the other's phone number. Interesting. 


*Readers in Los Angeles or Atlanta will remember Larry's many years on the air as the more obnoxious and more right-wing half of  The Regular Guys.