My Wife Left Me
Yes, she is on vacation in Europe helping a girl friend celebrate a milestone birthday (Happy 70th, Gina!).
Knowing that I am only self-sufficient when she is at home, she did an awesome wifely thing for me though. The night before she left she cooked up a whole bunch of food and left it in Tupperware in the refrigerator for me.
One night I microwaved a turkey burger that already had the cheese on it! It was great. At lunch I had some delicious chicken and pasta. Last night was the fancy dinner though.
Donna had prepared a beautiful piece of fresh salmon, seasoned it to perfection and sealed it up in a Pyrex bowl. She also whipped up some fresh mashed potatoes and left those in another container too.
I brushed some olive oil on the fish so it wouldn't dry out in the microwave and added a little butter on top of the mashed potatoes. I selected two minutes at 80% and started salivating as I counted down to the feast.
When the buzzer sounded, I was shocked to see a bowl of fish soup. The potatoes had absolutely evaporated. How could that be?
I got a spoon out and took a taste. Hey, Donna in Rome, thanks for the fresh whipped cream too.
In case you are wondering, it wasn't bad.
One word, Denny's.
Posted by:Geo | April 10, 2008 at 04:34 AM
Poor Bean...He's on the short bus.
Posted by:LiLa | April 10, 2008 at 04:59 AM
Have you ever had an ostrich burger? My friend raves about them.
I personally can't stand ostriches because one attacked me when I was 5
Posted by:Raul | April 10, 2008 at 06:05 AM
can you get food delivered on an island? i hope you don't have to go much longer without donna.
Posted by:alisa | April 10, 2008 at 07:38 AM
How on God's green earth did you mistake a tub of whipped cream for a tub of mashed potatoes? I just wouldn't have thought that was possible...
Posted by:Frances | April 10, 2008 at 07:42 AM
I thought you didn't eat meat?
Posted by:Diane | April 10, 2008 at 08:26 AM
Sounds like you've been watching Cookin' with Coolio....
Bless your heart.
Posted by:Heather | April 10, 2008 at 08:45 AM
I cannot stop laughing.... I think Donna will not let you live this down for a LONG time.
Posted by:cathy g | April 10, 2008 at 09:26 AM
Poor Bean, you struggle. You and the Tot need to hit the drive thru...
Posted by:Cathy | April 10, 2008 at 09:47 AM
You are a sad, poor excuse for a man. Learn to cook pasta you sorry-ass. Man, you make guys look bad. You live on an island! If you can't fend for yourself, move.
Come on Bean, I mean really.
Posted by:Chris | April 10, 2008 at 10:09 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Thanks for making me feel like less of a 'tard today!!
Posted by:K | April 10, 2008 at 10:17 AM
Wow, Bean.. just wow..
Posted by:Mike | April 10, 2008 at 10:34 AM
I feel retarded just reading this...
Posted by:db | April 10, 2008 at 11:16 AM
ok i just re read your blog (half asleep in the morning) and finally got what you did...haha nice! It looks more like an orange squirt gun, the ones where the water leaks out of the little plastic thing in back.
that beats my cooking a chicken for 2 hours only to cut open at the dinner table and have blood spew out. Needless to say the wife still wanted to eat it since I cooked it. After two bites we headed to Jack in the box for some Tofu Tacos
Please keep us up to date on your daily food mess ups if any
Posted by:Raul | April 10, 2008 at 11:35 AM
My question is one of density, Bean.
It seems like when you scooped the faux mashers that you would have noticed that they were not dense and heavy like potatoes but light and airy like whipped.
The beautiful difference between mashed and whipped.
I like that story, Bean.
Posted by:Steve Schroeder | April 10, 2008 at 03:23 PM
My husband Noel and I went to a buffet and he remarked, "Ooh Banana Mousse!" He loaded up his dessert plate, grabbed his spoon and took a bite. Yuck, whipped butter! We still laugh about it to this day.
See, we're all dorks!
Posted by:Eleanor | April 10, 2008 at 06:32 PM
I just dropped ANOTHER college class and was feeling sorry for myself. And then I read your blog.
Thanks Bean!
Posted by:Kate | April 10, 2008 at 07:50 PM
LOL, suddenly, the Tuna Helper I whipped up for dinner tonight looks like a gourmet meal, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Posted by:Stacey | April 10, 2008 at 07:54 PM
May I suggest a nice meal at your local Denny's or IHOP.
Posted by:Lynne_T | April 10, 2008 at 08:11 PM
What a freaking awesome wife you have! Damn Lucky!!!
Posted by:Kari | April 10, 2008 at 09:43 PM
oh hubba, you are so cute when you try! i'm pretty sure i wrote on the containers with a BIG BLACK SHARPIE PEN so that you would know what everything was. have you suddenly become learning disabled and forgotten how to read? my poor, sweet, slow kitten.
and,incase you were wondering, gina didn't really laugh when she saw that you had made her 70 on your blog. if i were you, i would hide when we get back, 'cause i sense she is bringing you a can of whoopass!
Posted by:your wife | April 11, 2008 at 09:14 AM
Oh, Bean. You struggle.
So hard.
That's what she said.
Posted by:Steve | April 14, 2008 at 01:01 AM