I Would Rather Actually Have Cholera

I am aware that the book by Gabriel Garcia Marquez is a beloved romance novel, but the new Hollywood film version of Love In The Time  Of Cholera is one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

I am a huge Javier Bardem fan but he was impossible to root for as the romantic lead in the piece because he plays Florentino like a creepy, stalker loser. And no one needs to see as much of his ass as I had to see at this film.   

John Leguizamo's character Lorenzo seems like he was edited in from another movie, one set at least 150 years past the time the other characters are supposed to be living in. 

Go see it if you want to see the worst Old People makeup you have ever seen in any production not on a high school auditorium stage.  Several characters are playing  characters in their 60s but are shuffling around like they're in a Vicki Lawrence* sketch.

At 2 hours and 20 minutes long the film is at least 2 hours too long. Let me put it another way: somewhere Roger Ebert is grateful for the stroke so he didn't have to see it. Gabriel Garcia Marquez is wishing he had never written the book. Thomas Edison is wishing he had never invented the motion picture. 

No please.

* Ask your parents.