Me

August 05, 2008

You Do Not Want To See This

I didn't notice it. I didn't care about it. I probably would have never even thought twice about it. But Donna insisted I one day ask a doctor what the hell was going on with my freaky belly button.

Mine is not strictly an outie like I've seen on other people and it is certainly nowhere near an innie. So what is it?

I was in a medical office a couple of weeks ago on an unrelated matter and decided to ask. Dr. WhiteCoat poked his finger in my stomach knot and then licked it. Okay, he didn't lick it. i made that up. But he did very casually remark, "Oh, you have a herniated navel."

I went to the Wiki and here is the gist of a herniated navel:

"Umbilical hernia is a congenital malformation, especially common in infants of African descent, and more frequent in boys. (Ed. note: Check and check.)

A hernia is present at the site of the umbilicus (commonly called a navel, or belly button) in the newborn; although sometimes quite large, these hernias tend to resolve without any treatment by around the age of 5 years

Babies are prone to this malformation because of the process during fetal development by which the abdominal organs form outside the abdominal cavity, later returning into it through an opening which will become the umbilicus."

I had to read that twice but I think I got it. Body stuff that formed on the outside was supposed to go through my belly button to live on the inside for the rest of my life. Not all of it made it through. What's left is what I see.

The doctor mentioned I could have a procedure to "fix" it. Look, if I'm not going to have surgery on this face i am certainly not going to have it for my belly button.

I warned you in the very headline of this post that you do not want to see this.  Remember that? Then why are you even thinking of clicking here?  Don't do it!  And if you ignore my advice, the complaint desk is closed. We have lint to manage.



August 03, 2008

Dear Bean...

Amy Dickinson is a name you might not know but she replaced the late Ann Landers as the advice columnist of the Chicago Tribune a few years ago. Like her predecessor, her column is also syndicated to newspapers all over the country. I frequently read her work in the Seattle Times and chuckled when I saw this exchange in yesterday's paper:    


DEAR AMY:

I have been following the letters in your column about dogs that are named after people. There are two dogs in my neighborhood, one with my granddaughter's name and one with my nephew's name.

     Dogs are not the same as people. I can't bear to hear them called by names of my family members.
                                                                                                               ------- UPSET                                                                            


DEAR UPSET:

     Yes, dogs are not the same as people, and that is why you shouldn't take this personally.
                                                                                                              ------------AMY



Oooooh, I wished she'd asked me instead. I would have explained to her that nobody gets to own names. Whatever her precious granddaughter and nephew are called they are not the first and they won't be the last. And she doesn't get to be the decider of who or what gets to be Chip or Muffy or whatever.

I can't tell you how many Sophies and Daisys I've met over the years and it is no insult when I share that I have pigs with those same names. It doesn't reflect one whit on the humans with the same names except I am inclined to like them more upon first meeting.

I wish Amy had added a sentence to her reply and it had appeared this way:


DEAR UPSET:

     Yes, dogs are not the same as people, and that is why you shouldn't take it personally. But if you meet a dog in the neighborhood named Uptight Bitch be sure to ask if she was named after you.

                                                                                                          ----------------AMY




August 02, 2008

Attention All Deaf, Dumb And Blind Kids...

I make it to Las Vegas, the one in Nevada, a couple of times a year on business and while I am there I always enjoy seeing my Dad. Once in a while we will take in a local attraction but it's hard to keep up with all the tourist sites as infrequently as I am there. I still haven't been to the Liberace Museum, the Clown Factory, or the Neon Museum for instance.

Add another one to the list. I just found out about the Pinball Hall Of Fame at 3330 E. Tropicana, at the corner of Pecos.

Logo2s

Hundreds of pinball machines, from the 1950s to the 1990s are all available to play in the 4500 square feet museum. Here is something else fascinating about the place, from their website.

"The PHoF is run by Tim Arnold, a veteran arcade operator who made it big in the 1970s and 1980s during the Pacman era. In 1976 Tim and his brother opened Pinball Pete's in Lansing, Michigan, and it quickly became a gamer's mecca. At the height of their success, the Arnold brothers weren't counting coins, they were counting shovelfuls of coins.

When Arnold sold his part of the business and moved to Las Vegas in 1990, he picked up the phone and started talking to the Salvation Army. Midge Arthur, the administrative assistant of the Las Vegas branch of the Salvation Army says, 'I got a telephone call from Tim about 15 years ago, and he said,
'If I had money to give, what would you do with it?' We had a long discussion about our different rehabilitation programs. He was, I think, kind of skeptical of all organizations. He wanted to make sure the money was going to help people.' Not long after that conversation, Midge Arthur started receiving checks for thousands of dollars from the man she says is, 'one of my strangest, out-of-the-ordinary donors we have ever had....'"


Inside4

Me now: How cool is that?

My interest in playing games ran out very soon after the pinball machine's popularity started to wane in the 1980s. The last video game I ever played was probably Ms. Pacman - no kidding. I've never played Wii or Playstation or Nintendo or anything else in the modern vein.   

Question though: As fondly as I think I recall playing the ol' silver ball back in the day I do not remember anything about the differences between the machines. Was the game strategy the same if you were playing the KISS machine versus, say, the Charlie's Angels one? Was there anything to make some pinball machines more challenging to play other than where the flippers and bumpers were positioned? I don't remember. Do you?



July 24, 2008

Buy Me Some Peanuts And Cracker Jack.... (Peanuts Not Included)

Yesterday the Seattle Times reported a new promotion at Safeco Field this summer. That's the home of my beloved, yet struggling, Mariners baseball team, the team that just got swept by the Red Sox at home for the first time in 15 years. Sigh. Anyway, here's the story:

Mr_peanut_warning "The Seattle Mariners are declaring two sections of Safeco Field no-peanut zones for a couple of games this summer.

The AL club announced the move Wednesday to make the ballpark safer for children and grown-up fans with peanut allergies.

Special cleaning is planned in sections 311 and 312 down the right field line before the games, one on Aug. 5 against the Minnesota Twins and the other Sept. 9 against the Texas Rangers. Then signs will be posted to alert fans to the ban on peanut products in those sections.

Peanuts also will be banished from nearby concession stands.

A few other major and minor league teams have offered special seating to lower the risk for those who are allergic to peanuts. In May the entire minor league ballpark in Clinton, Iowa, went peanut-free."




I knew lots of folks have peanut allergies but did not realize that they were among the top eight most common food allergies, which are:

Milk
Eggs
Peanuts
Tree nuts
, such as almonds, cashews, walnuts....
Fish
, such as bass, cod, flounder..
Shellfish
, such as crab, lobster, shrimp
Soy
Wheat.

By-the-way, that little list takes care of ninety percent of all documented food allergies.

I'm very lucky. I am not only not allergic to any foods, I am not allergic to anything that I know of, besides maybe hard work and Larry The Cable Guy. I've met lots of people who suffer allergies to everything from grass to novacaine and it sucks for them.

Question though
. What is it about the peanut allergy that makes it so very deadly? People allergic to milk can sit next to a person drinking milk and they have no reaction. But I've heard stories of people smelling peanuts and getting ill. There was that one story not too long ago of a teenager that died after kissing someone who had had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch earlier that day. And are peanuts the only one that is so dangerous with so little contact or are there others?


July 21, 2008

Your Sweetness Is My Weakness

Sweeteners Not to sound like that old fool Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes but, "Does anyone use real sugar anymore?"

I've been giving it some thought lately because circumstances led me to switch from my usual Sweet'N Low artificial sweetener to Equal. You see, I drink mostly iced tea at home and always buy bulk on both teabags and sweetener at the Costco.

Recently, the store I shop stopped carrying the pink one and started selling the blue one. I resisted at first - old habits die hard - and started buying smaller boxes of Sweet'N Low at the regular supermarket. Well, I was out of the sweet stuff and found myself at the Costco the other day so I bit the bullet and bought a box of 800 Equals for the first time.

Imagine my surprise to find out how much more I liked it! Equal kicks Sweet'N Low's ass!!!!! Praise Allah!!

21ani1nYMmL But wait! if I was so wrong about Sweet'N Low's superiority over Equal, what do I make of the Splenda? I know people (and relatives) who swear by the yellow packets. So what to do?

Help me out, dear readers. What is the best artificial sweetener and why? Are any of them healthier than the others? Are they all about the same calories? Are there any other reasons to use one over the other? Please discuss.
 

July 16, 2008

Rage Against The Machine

I don't know if there's a bigger picture I'm missing - in fact, I'm sure there isn't - but it's just too weird not to suggest.

Hancock1_large On July 4th we had some visitors in town and I planned ahead to buy tickets for all of us to see the new Will Smith movie, Hancock. We drove down to Renton for the 2:30 showing at the East Valley 13. Fail!

We knew something was up when we pulled into the parking lot and saw just a smattering of cars there instead of being packed as you'd expect on a holiday. Then we saw a uniformed theater employee standing on the sidewalk and knew she was not handing out good news.

The theater had been hit by lightning that morning it turned out and "everything was fried." How random is that? How often is a movie showing canceled by lightning? I couldn't even get a refund on my advance tickets that day since none of the registers were working either.

As odd as that was, stuff does happen and I probably would have forgotten it by now except for what's happened since.

A few days ago, I was running some errands in downtown Seattle and found a parking space on Broadway, near Pine. We have those electronic parking meters that take cash or plastic and dispense a ticket for up to two hours so I put in my credit card to buy some time. Fail!

For the first time in all the years I've been using these machines my Visa card got swallowed inside one. No way to retrieve it, it turned out, no matter how many times I hit Cancel. I found the trouble phone number on the kiosk and called it to make a report. The nice Filipino man who answered the phone told me someone would be out in 20 to 30 minutes to open 'er up. So that happened.

I still didn't put those two incidents together until yesterday when once again technology was my foe. I was in the Tukwila Target store standing in line at the cash register. I was, no joke, buying a jar of mayonnaise and the new Randy Travis CD. In case you are wondering if I could be any whiter, yes, I could have also been buying some golf shirts and some Wonder Bread, wise ass.

Target_05_75_PMS186 Again with the firsts. The power suddenly went out in the entire store.  We were plunged into total complete darkness for about 15 seconds, just long enough for me to wonder why there weren't any emergency lights in the store. If the lights were out much longer I'm sure the looting would have begun and then the looters would have fallen over themselves trying to find the exit.

So the power came on but the cash registers did not. You know computers. Each one had to be rebooted and I just stood there watching a series of screens slowly come present themselves to Ming, my checker. There is no way to rush a reboot so I just stood and stood and eventually left my Caucasian merchandise on the counter and  vowed to return on another day with more reliable electricity. Fail!

Soooooooo, is there a theme here?  Is Someone trying to send me a message about the destructiveness of rampant American commercialism? Or am I jinxed? Or should I be seeing clues to the upcoming Al Qaeda attack?  Or is it just a wacky coincidence?  Courage.


  

July 15, 2008

Steve McGarrett Is My God

Five-o-4 I can't swear that it is my favorite all-time TV show of the 1970s but it is almost certainly my favorite drama. That's why last month's Season Four DVD release of Hawaii 5-0 has been giving me hours of pleasure this summer.

The show ran from 1968 - 1980 and centered on the crime fighting (fictional) police force of the Hawaiian Islands, headed by super cop Steve McGarrett, who, I think you can see from the DVD cover of actor Jack Lord here, had possibly the best hair in the history of television. 

Last night Donna, her father and I watched Episode #71, originally broadcast on CBS  on October 12, 1971

It had a complicated plot about a hippie gone bad attacking an insurance company embezzler with a piece of driftwood to the head and stealing his wallet. Inside was the key to locker at the airport in which a briefcase was found with the $250,000 the victim has skimmed. The hippie was played by the late John Ritter and the embezzler by the late Vic Morrow. Their freakish, early real-life deaths should be bad news for other guest stars of the series.

Anyway, McGarrett's #2 man, Danno, is trying to help an old friend from Berkeley whose daughter is missing in the islands and he thinks she is the girl who burned up when the candle shop was set on fire but it turns out that was a cover up because the embezzler left his fingerprints all over everything slapping the girl around after she had already taken a fatal dose of heroin.

Cleo, the girl Danno is looking for, is actually the accomplice of the hippie gone bad and they are trying to board a plane to Asia when the embezzler kidnaps her and tries to hold her for ransom (well, his $250,000 back) in an abandoned airplane hanger that he somehow knows about. The hippie decided to ditch the girl and split with the money until McGarrett's #3 man, Chin Ho, nabs him while boarding the plane.

In the thrilling conclusion there is a shootout at the hangar and Steve wounds the now-fleeing embezzler in the leg with one incredible shot from about 100 yards away and the two wayward kids are safe and sound. The hippie gets arrested for stealing the stolen money but the girl is not charged as an accomplice because she knows Danno.    

Chinho Whew. As an aside, my 13 year-old Chow dog is actually named Kam Fong As Chin Ho as a tribute to this great character but we usually call her just Chin Ho for short. Or Chin Chin. Or The Chincess.

I love this show so much that I could write a whole blog just about Hawaii 5-0 but I see that someone already does, here.

There
are dozens of websites with tons of great show information too including the Wikipedia page here and the single most comprehensive site about all things 5-0 here. Please enjoy!

P.S. And you'll get no argument from me if you say the show had the best theme song in the history of TV too!

       

July 13, 2008

Typepad S.O.S.

                                      here
Frankly, I've had it up to        with Typepad lately. I apologize in advance that this will not be a general interest post but I a) need to vent and b) am hoping for some help from more experienced bloggers than me who might be reading this.

Back in 2006, when I was writing my first blog, I used the free Blogger program. A few months in I realized one really does get what one pays for as I fought numerous crashes, bugs and service outages to get anything published.

Typepad_logo So when I started over last October I test drove several of the pay services including Wordpress, Squarespace and Typepad, the one I ultimately chose.

I've had several annoyances all along that I have just learned to live with but some of the recent problems - especially since they introduced a Compose Editor "Upgrade" - have me wondering if I once again chose poorly.

I'm going to share what's going on and if anyone has tips that might help please post a comment below (preferred, so we all benefit) or email me privately.

1. The newest problem is that Friday and Saturday the automated Publish feature did not work.  I set my up my entries to post every morning between 4:00 and 5:00 a.m. and yes, my calendar was set up properly. Yet, nothing went live until I manually did it when I logged on. 

2.  It doesn't matter how often I go to Design, then Change Theme, then Custom, none of the changes I make and save there translate to the Compose Editor

3. In Compose I can find no way to change the default font from Arial, 11. I can change it manually but can not save it for next time.

4. And when I do change my font size manually by highlighting the page I write, the changes only work one paragraph, and sometimes one sentence, at a time. In other words I had to manually enlarge #3 above from default 13 point to the preferred 14. And then I had to highlight #4 and change it separately.

5. One of the Known Issues I'd like to publicly complain about is the suspension of the Post Search feature too. Does anyone know if it is coming back?

6. There must be an easier way, and one with fewer steps, than what I go through to post songs on my Christmas music sister blog each day. Each song first shows up as a link to Download the song rather than stream it. I have to save that, erase that in the Rich Text screen and then add all the embedding code manually on the HTML screen. It shouldn't be that hard. Is it me?

7. In the last two weeks there is yet another new problem. When I click on Save at the end of writing a post, or just to back it up as I go along, it's supposed to save it right away and then let me navigate off the page. Instead, I now almost always get the warning screen that says something like, "Are you sure you want to leave this page? You have unsaved changes..." even though I don't. It is an incredibly annoying extra step to have to go though over and over again.


I'm sure there are more I'm not thinking of but that's all off the top of my head. Again, if you can help me, or direct me to a site or a source that might (except the non-responsive Typepad Help Desk), I thank you. For the 99% of you who understandably don't care how the blog is made, just that it is, I'll try to find something  you'll actually be interested in tomorrow!

  



July 07, 2008

"V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N In The Summertime....."

Donna and I were blessed with many visitors over the long holiday weekend. We had friends and family in town from Nashville, Las Vegas, Washington D.C., and Los Angeles along with dozens of folks who live here in western Washington that we hosted at several events.

Today's blog post is just a few photographs mostly for the benefit of those we invited over who couldn't make it due to work or other summer plans.

Johnchiefandme

Left to right, me, my Dad, and my brother John. Taken on the ferry from West Seattle, pulling into the Island.


Atomicguestroom

The Atomic dog sleeping in the guest room to be near my dad.


Daveandpiggies  

My friend Dave with Sophie and Godzilla.

Christineandhappy

My friend Christine with Happy.


Chiefandhoward  

Donna's dad Howard and my dad on our friend Eric's boat taking an Independence Day cruise around the Island. Thanks, Eric! And have you ever seen two guys more excited to be boating?


Daveanddonna

Dave, stealing my wife. That's Dave's painting on the wall too. He is one of our favorite artists. Get him while he is cheap!


Johnatsunset

My brother at our July 3rd party. It rained quite a bit that morning  but cleared up nicely for the outdoor event that night. Whew.


Beachwoodfromwater

I've mentioned the 1905 waterfront place we plan to restore. The boat ride was my first chance to get a picture of it from the backside. That's what she said.


Chief70th  

My dad, cutting his birthday cakes on July 4th. When you get to be his age, one cake is not enough. Happy 70th though!!! You kicked Tim Russert's ass.


And finally, a few random fireworks shots from the Island's display. Taken from the yard of the new place. I hope everyone else had a safe and happy holiday weekend too!


Beachwoodfireworks1
Beachwoodfireworks2

Beachwoodfireworks3

Beachwoodfireworks4




June 25, 2008

Merry Half Christmas!

Url It doesn't matter a lick to me whether you consider today Half Christmas or Christmas and a Half but the fact is that we are six months from and six months to the Big Day!!!

You may know that I am an extremely active Christmas music enthusiast. My other blog, ChristmasMusicEveryday.com offers a free holiday song streaming every day of the year. Since it debuted last Thanksgiving I have offered over 200 great songs, from my private collection of thousands, with no duplication of artist or title. My hope is that the site will expose others to the wonderful and varied nature of seasonal records, far beyond the same 12 standards that get jammed down our ears every December on radio and TV.

Speaking of TV, today's song of the day is called (I Want A) Television Christmas and it has a fascinating back story. Recorded by young Mindy Carson in 1949 it was a promotional disc (a 78, in fact!)  that RCA provided to retailers to help sell some of those newfangled "radios with pictures"  to the more adventurous and well-heeled members of the public that Christmas shopping season. 


Jbrx_logo_only

I pulled that song out of my library the other day after a conversation with a new friend and fellow collector named Mitchell Kezin. He told me that is the song he plans to use  in the opening credits of the documentary film he is making called Jingle Bell Rocks!. He describes it on his website as, "an exclusive backstage pass into a fascinating underground world of alternative Christmas music...".

Why a movie about the people who make, play and collect the songs most people only make time for for four weeks a year? Here's Mitchell again:


"Today’s holiday season is a volatile concoction of the ridiculous and the sublime, the sacred and the profane. As we muddle our way through the stresses and expectations of the season, Christmas music can remind us why we go to so much trouble.

It can restore our sense of wonder, immerse us in nostalgia, instill a sentimental fantasy or create an entirely new musical experience of how the holiday ought to be. Some people love it, and others hate it, but almost everyone seems to have an opinion.

For those who love it, Christmas music helps us connect — to each other, to our pasts, to a centuries-old communal experience — all in a peculiarly modern way.

No other musical genre flows through the bloodstream of popular culture like Christmas music does. Our appetite for it seems insatiable, but it comes and goes so predictably each year that few, if any of us, ever stop to consider what it really means.

Featuring some of the merriest and most fascinating songs ever inspired by the festive season, JINGLE BELL ROCKS! opens our eyes and ears to an irreverent musical universe where cynical songs co-exist with heartfelt one-hit wonders, where the merry mash-ups of today challenge the chestnuts of old, and where perennial favourites keep company with a host of seasonal pop oddities. In doing so, the film reveals the many faces of the holiday — love and longing, irony and hope, sentiment and spirituality — and the uniqueness of the music that takes us there."


JingleBellRocks.com has much more information that I have room for here about what will be in the movie, how you can contribute to its progress and, quite simply, the best collection of Christmas music site links on the  internet, even if the one closest to my heart hasn't made the list yet. (Ahem) 


P.S. Warning! If you follow my friends and me into the wonderful year-round world of Santa and reindeer and candy canes and mistletoe and the Baby Jesus, you may never again fit in with the seasonally challenged who surround you. Just yesterday I got a funny look at a stop light in West Seattle for blasting Chuck Berry's Run Rudolph Run on my car stereo.



June 10, 2008

America's Worst Roadside Attraction?

ALeqM5iTOEf3neDABmm1vpD8EQsUybEWsw There were a couple of years, very early on in our marriage, when Donna would still go on road trips with me. Then came the trip to the Chief Crazy Horse Memorial.

We were in South Dakota for a long weekend and naturally took in Mount Rushmore, the state's best and best known attraction.  I say that being fully aware of the Outhouse Museum in Gregory, the National Presidential Wax Museum in Keystone, and the Corn Palace in Mitchell.

I conned convinced my wife to make the short seventeen mile drive through the beautiful winding roads of the Black Hills to stand in awe of the Chief Crazy Horse Memorial, which had been under construction since 1948 but surely must be nearly done.

My recollection is that the roads were poorly marked and our directions were somewhat sketchy and we got a little lost, maybe a lot lost. So we ended up driving for about two hours on roads that all looked the same and then we saw it.

A chalk outline on a hill.

Thinking this couldn't be all there was to the "world's largest mountain carving" we drove on and eventually came to a park entrance where we learned that for only fifteen dollars we could drive another half hour and get close enough to the mountain to see the fine detail of the historic artwork. So we did.

And we saw a chalk outline on a hill, only closer.

Seal The Chief Crazy Horse Memorial was in the news last week as June 3rd marked the 60th anniversary of the start of its construction. Apparently the face of the Chief is now done and a welcome center and one Indian museum building is open "but the carving of the Lakota warrior's body, his horse, and a planned university and medical training center for American Indian students are still years away," says this Associated Press article on the occasion.

Here is the official website of the Memorial, with the history of Crazy Horse, and the construction webcam that I have never actually gotten to work.  Weak. 



May 28, 2008

Kiss On My List

Kiss-army Were you a card carrying member of the mighty KISS Army back in the 1970s or was that just me? Hell to the yeah, I was. I think it was the only music fan club I was ever a member of until ... uh ... Barry Manilow's in the 1990s. Oh, and the Cowsills this decade but I haven't even received a newsletter in a while so I am not sure what is happening with that.

Today's is an audience participation post. Here are my five favorite songs from those three musical artists. In the comments section today leave your 5 favorite songs of any artist you like, any era, any genre.

Oh, and don't judge! Love!




My Five Favorite Kiss Songs Ever:


5. Strutter
4. Love Gun
3. Hard Luck Woman
2. Beth
1. Detroit Rock City



My Five Favorite Barry Manilow Songs Ever:


5. Looks Like We Made It
4. Weekend In New England
3. When October Goes
2. This One's For You
1. Tryin' To Get The Feelin' Again



My Five Favorite Cowsills Songs Ever:

5. We Can Fly
4.
Hair
3.
Indian Lake
2.
Love, American Style
1.
The Rain, The Park And Other Things


May 22, 2008

Smackdown Straight Ahead

Mailbox
Listen up when I tell you that hell hath no fury like a postal customer spurned. You guys know how much I love the USPS. I use it almost every day and I depend on it to get my business done. I promote the Post Office like Tom pimps L-Ron so I'm more than a little bummed when my mail does not get from Point A to Point B.

This one is almost certainly not Postmaster John "Sweet Jack" Potter's fault but I am launching a full investigation tomorrow and will let the chips fall where they may.

Here's the deal. About three weeks ago I had lunch with a colleague of mine, a guy who works in the same business as I do, but whom I had never met. We had been email pals but one day decided to meet up at the newly renovated downtown 13 Coins restaurant, which, getting completely off-topic now, looks exactly the same to me as before it closed for the upgrade.

Lunch was terrific, stories were told, french fries were eaten, and hands were shook. About a week later, I thought of a book that related nicely to a conversation we'd had at the lunch, on a subject relevant to our work, and decided to send a copy to my friend as a thank you for meeting with me.    

Here's where I struggle. My quick Google search for his company's mailing address apparently delivered an outdated result and I fell for it. So I ended up sending the package to the address his company had moved out of two years ago. Again, it was my error and I acknowledge that.

About a a week after when the gift should have arrived I figured out what had happened. But then started wondering about the people on the other side of this transaction, the ones who now work in the building I sent the thing to?

Several outcomes were possible once the misaddressed package arrived downtown. The best possible result would have been if they had seen who I was trying to mail to (It's a recognizable, well-known brand in Seattle) and took the time to pay it forward. The minimum I think I might reasonably expect in the business world is that they would simply scrawl Return To Sender on the envelope and it would be sent back to my home address on the return label so I could try again.           

What I can't abide by is that the dirty commie bastards just kept it! Besides being a federal offense to intentionally open misdelivered mail it would just be a scummy thing to do.

Columbo3 Here's where the smackdown I telegraphed at the top of this post comes in. I am driving down to the wrong address today and bringing a little Colombo* action. I've got just a few questions and don't mind asking them. Once I've established that another tenant is in that office, which i absolutely expect to be the case since it is a high rent office building in the heart of the city, I will start piecing together the chain of command of the package. I will let you know what happens tomorrow. 

"Don't mess with the bull. You'll get the horns,"  said a once-famous now-dead guy. Not Peter Falk though. He's still alive.




*Don't ask. You've missed too much.

May 10, 2008

Ding Fries Are Done, Ding Fries Are Done

Jack_2 My pal Marty and I went into Jack-in-The-Box the other day to pick up some lunch. We were going to just use the drive through lane but since I wanted sauce for my chicken strips, and we know I am zero for all in that happening at the pickup window, we decided we'd best go in instead.

It was during the busy lunchtime rush so we found ourselves standing for several minutes near the counter waiting for our food to be ready. It wasn't long before one of us commented on the beep beep beep coming from the kitchen. Beep beep beep. Over and over again. Beep beep beep. 

I don't know from what device the beep was emanating but either the signal was being ignored or as soon as one machine was turned off and reset another must have started up.  Beep beep beep.  Minute after long painful minute. It really couldn't have been more annoying.   

I got to thinking about all the other beeps I have noticed lately. At the gas station the pump beeps when you insert your credit card, beeps when it is time to select a nozzle, beeps when you are through pumping.

I had a rental car last week while traveling for work. It beeped if you started the car before your seat belt was on, even in park. it beeped if you turned the car off but didn't remove the key. Kill me.

We have a cool bonus refrigerator drawer built into our kitchen island. When the regular fridge is full it is awesome to use the little one to store sodas or bulky items. Trouble is, as soon as you open it and for the duration it is open, beep beep beep.

When did the world decide that there wasn't enough noise in our lives? And who chose that loud, shrill, piercing tone as the standard? There must be a hundred softer, more pleasant sounds that could have been used instead. In many cases, a flashing light would be preferable instead of the noisy beep.

Who's with me?    

       

May 08, 2008

Viva La Vida

I was just lucky that day back in December of 2006 when I stopped by to visit my friend Randy who works as one of Seattle's best picture framers. He was getting set to work on a painting by a friend of his and I just fell in love with it on first look. "Is there any way it is for sale?" I asked. "I'll call my friend and see," he told me.

After a brief phone call, Randy relayed some good news and some bad news. Yes, his friend would be willing to sell it to me but I should know it would not be available for some time as it was being prepped for shipping to Washington D.C. where it would hang in the Smithsonian Institution's National Portrait Gallery.

Randy's friend was well-known painter Mexican artist Alfredo Arreguin and the work I saw that day was his 1998 portrait of fellow painters Frida Kahlo and her husband, Diego Rivera. Here is the jpeg Alfredo sent me after my check cleared. :)  Until yesterday it was all I had to remember the piece by.


Frida

Frida Y Diego hung in the National Portrait Gallery from May 2007  until February of this year and last month finally made its way back home to Seattle where Mr. Arreguin lives with his lovely wife Susie, also a very accomplished artist. I had the pleasure of visiting their home yesterday to pick up the painting and hear a little of their 35 year love story.

Alfredo Like everyone, I enjoy beautiful things around me, but I will treasure my new acquisition even more having stood with the artist on the spot where it was created. In case you are wondering, as I was, it took Alfredo just nine weeks to paint it, despite the painstakingly detailed mosaic and the very large canvas. I waited a year and a half to get it home and hung and here's what it looks like above the doorway to my living room.....


Fridayhung

Fridaview

For my Western Washington readers, the Linda Hodges Gallery on First Avenue in Seattle is showing some of Alfredo's work through the month of May. Click here to see some images.



April 16, 2008

Too Good To Be True?

Cassette It's called Muxtape and it is all the rage with the kids. As you can almost guess from the title, it is a site where music lovers share what used to be called mixtapes.

I can't figure out how it is legal or how it makes money but it is as simple as uploading 12 songs and presto!,  you're done. The site is extremely minimalist with no search function for users or particular songs that I can find but it is elegant and easy to use.    

I quickly put one together with some (mostly) recent rock songs that were already in my itunes but my mind is already racing ahead to lots of fun potential mixes I can make. Click here to check it out. You can click on Song One and let it play all the way through or skip from song to song if you prefer. Please enjoy!   

April 10, 2008

My Wife Left Me

Balloon_birthday_70 Yes, she is on vacation in Europe helping a girl friend celebrate a milestone birthday (Happy 70th, Gina!).

Knowing that I am only self-sufficient when she is at home, she did an awesome wifely thing for me though. The night before she left she cooked up a whole bunch of food and left it in Tupperware in the refrigerator for me.

One night I microwaved a turkey burger that already had the cheese on it! It was great. At lunch I had some delicious chicken and pasta. Last night was the fancy dinner though.

Donna had prepared a beautiful piece of fresh salmon, seasoned it to perfection and sealed it up in a Pyrex bowl. She also whipped up some fresh mashed potatoes and left those in another container too.

I brushed some olive oil on the fish  so it wouldn't dry out in the microwave and added a little butter on top of the mashed potatoes. I selected two minutes at 80% and started salivating as I counted down to the feast.

Food

When the buzzer sounded, I was shocked to see a bowl of fish soup. The potatoes had absolutely evaporated. How could that be?

I got a spoon out and took a taste. Hey, Donna in Rome, thanks for the fresh whipped cream too. 

In case you are wondering, it wasn't bad.


 

April 09, 2008

I'm Just Sayin'

I know it can't possibly matter to anyone else and you have already wasted your time by clicking on today's post but I just gotta dash off a couple of weakly worded letters.


Maher_2 Dear Bill Maher,

     I couldn't be a bigger fan of your Real Time show on HBO.  I look forward to it Friday nights like it was free Hot Wings. You tell it like it is and even when you are wrong I appreciate your perspective, intelligence and passion.
     It's such a small thing and I hesitate to even call it to your attention but on more than one occasion I have heard you describe someone in the news with a difficult task ahead as having a "long road to hoe."  This past week's show you used the expression to describe Senator McCain's task as he tried to court conservatives yet still distance himself from President Bush
     Unfortunately, nobody hoes a road. The term comes from the farm and it is a long row of crops in front of the farmer that represents the difficult task ahead. Interestingly, The Oxford English Dictionary dates it back to 1835 and gives Davy Crockett credit for the first published usage.

Continued success,



Mccain Dear Senator McCain.

Congratulations on your party's presumptive nomination for the office of President  of the United States. You should be very proud of the way you campaigned and, obviously, connected with millions of American voters.
     I know you have given thousands of speeches over the past two years and the sheer volume of details you must keep straight in each appearance, especially under the glare of the media, would make  it easy to not be conscious of pronouncing every word just so.
     But more than once I have heard you use the word heighth instead of the intended height. Just this week, in your speech to veterans in Kansas City, you characterized  a "quick troop withdrawal from Iraq" (as) "the heighth of irresponsibility."
     With the next few months of campaigning you still face before November the last thing you need is your Democratic opponents being able to make fun of your version of President's Bush's pet word nookyular.

All the best to you, Sir, and God Bless America.


P.S. Hey,  did your friend Davy Crockett really come up with that "long row to hoe" thing when you guys were still rolling together?



Note to readers: The reason these are weakly, not strongly, worded letters is that the topics are too insignificant to actually print and mail. I just write them to make myself feel like I have addressed them and then I can move on with my life. There is something wrong with me that I have to do this.

 

 

    
 

April 03, 2008

Live Through This

41mtgaerccl_aa240_ I saw a mention in the paper the other day about a website called BlueZones.com and am glad I checked it out. Skimming the home page I've concluded that a guy wrote a book about what he calls Blue Zones, the places in the world where people seem to live the longest.

All the other sections on the site support that goal by offering "daily, practical tips and up-to-the-minute research on health and aging." I won't read any of it because it's pretty obvious to most adults, even me, what is good for us and what is bad for us and we make those choices every day, already knowing the risks and benefits. Do I know walking is better than driving? Green beans are healthier than milkshakes? Of course.

What I wanted to find and did, was the Vitality Compass, a 35 question quiz that promises to be "the most accurate life estimator ever," unless you get hit by a car coming through the window at the Starbucks where you are WiFiing the survey, I guess.  Bet the quiz didn't see that one coming.

So I took the test answering predictable questions about body type, age, race, habits (both physical and mental) and guess what? I should live to be 90.6. They didn't ask about family members, but that is, I think, fairly consistent with the age many of my relatives lived to be.   

My today age given my lifestyle was 41.9 which is less than my actual age, my healthy life expectancy was 79.3 meaning my last ten years are gonna suck, and I could apparently add 4.6 years by "optimizing my lifestyle." That is the one that must be site's moneymaker but I did not click on the link to meet my Vitality Coach however I'm sure he's selling pills, exercise equipment or Martian water.   

If you go there, how did you do? Will I be the last man standing at age 90 or will there still be readers of this blog?


March 30, 2008

Frank You Very Much

Frankmurphy2007_small_2 My Blogfather Frank Murphy posted a new meme on his site the other day with the invitation for other bloggers to voluntarily pick it up. I like that approach! There's no  pressure like when one is officially tagged for a meme.  Here are my answers and I invite those of you with a blog to keep it going.


Name one thing you do every day:

Lately, every day I look for my cow. He has been gone almost a month already but I still think I will see him if  look fast enough or hard enough down by the barn. I still feel his presence but really wish I could see him again.


Name five things/people that make you feel good:

Sleep and food are the two best things in the world ever. They both make me so happy I can't believe it. I suspect I felt the same way when I was one minute old and it's nice to know some things never change.

A day without music is a sad day for me. I almost always have something playing, even if I only have two spare minutes to listen. I carry a radio with me on my errands and, no joke, I sometimes listen to music while I am watching TV. Hey, God gave me two ears but who says they have to be used to hear the same thing all the time?

Tater Tot, duh.

I could give my wife the #5 slot here but she would accuse me of just sucking up so I'll argue that she's a given as the blessing in my life and say our Mystery Daughter Melissa always makes me happy. We came very late and very circuitously to parenthood and it has revealed so many of the satisfactions others have described to me for years. I am very proud of her and consider her one of the best things in my life. Except when she is trying to drive a stick shift. 


Name four things you love to eat but rarely do:

Oreos When Frank said Oreos in his meme he was preaching to the converted here. Best. Food. Ever. And that goes twice for Double Stuffs too. And even crazy Vanilla-cookie-outside and chocolate-creme-inside Bizarro World Oreos. (Shown: Oreos with strawberry creme inside which I must try next)


I love ground Turkey Burgers but it is almost impossible to find a restaurant that serves them. Their meat substitute is usually some hideous Garden Burger. Blech.

The whole family of Saturday morning cartoon cereals: Count Chocula, Lucky Charms, Cap'n Crunch, Frosted Flakes, etc.  Love them all but eat them rarely.

And finally, how about holiday fare like eggnog and fruitcake? I sometimes will mail order a fruitcake in the summer because I just can't wait but I don't know anywhere to get eggnog outside of November/December. 


Name three things that remind you of childhood:

I have to recuse myself on this question as I have virtually no childhood memories. :(


Name two things you wish you could learn:

Easily #1 would be to speak Spanish.  I've tried but lose whatever I've learned when I don't use it. I swear they have a different word for everything! Maybe Sofia will help me with it.

I also wish I could better manage life's time clock.  So many nights I look back and wonder where the whole day went. I've realized that I accomplish nearly nothing most days. 

Okay, fellow bloggers. Your turn.

 

March 08, 2008

Suggestion Box

You solved the mystery of missing Dairy Queen last Saturday (it burned down) and I come to you again, just a week later, for more help.

Where should I go on vacation?

Here's the deal. After work this Friday I am off for nine days. As of right now I have no plans and will most likely stay home like I usually do. But I am also itching to put this tough week behind me and have some fun somewhere. 

I love road trips. I love visiting museums and historical sites. I enjoy anything that is the World's Largest. I especially appreciate neat photo-taking opportunities. 

Now the problem.  Nearly all of the places that spring to mind when I think about the cities I most want to visit are Northern Hemisphere cold weather places where a visit in March is half the experience of a visit in summer or autumn.

Ottawaskyline
Ottawa. That was my big early brainstorm for this trip. I have visited much of Canada, from Victoria to Edmonton to Montreal but have not yet traveled to that great country's capital. I've read much about its beautiful architecture, the exquisite Rideau Canal, the maple syrup farms, the Canadian Currency Museum and on an on.

Oh, and it's 10 degrees there this morning (yes, Fahrenheit. I checked). And quite a bit further north than Seattle meaning even shorter days in which to sight see. And that's the same problem with the other places on my wish list from Nova Scotia to Helsinki.

Expand my world. What is the great vacation destination I don't know about and why? Where do you want me blogging from next weekend?

   

January 26, 2008

Old People, 1. You, 0.

Dennysmeal_2 I guess I knew I would be one day be one of those people but didn't imagine that it would be this year.

But there I was, Thursday afternoon, walking into  a Denny's restaurant for dinner. By myself.  With a newspaper under my arm. At 4:00 in the afternoon.

You thought it was just a comic's punch line right - that old people eat dinner at Denny's at 4 p.m.?  Nope, it's true. And I am now one of them.

I am not often the youngest customer in a restaurant but that day I was by at least 25 years. There were only two tables in play when I arrived. It looked like a couple in their 80s at one table and two men and two women, all of whom must have been in their 90s at another.

Only catching fragments of the bigger table's conversation I did hear the words, "stroke," "nursing home," and "50 years ago."  All four of them were still wearing their coats and hats too although they were well into their meals. Either they were cold inside the Denny's or they forgot they had them on when they came in.
Dennysme

I have to admit it was a pretty sweet time. That Denny's is usually pretty packed and I enjoyed the relative quiet while I leisurely enjoyed my Seattle Times. The grilled chicken was good, the coffee endless, and the in-house music system provided an enjoyable soundtrack of 1970 soft rock hits. "Philadelphia Freedom" and "Could It Be I'm Falling In Love" seemed right on but I questioned Grand Funk Railroad's "We're An American Band" as dinner music.    

Usually I have someplace to dash off to after dinner but that day when the bill came it was still not even 5:00 so I languished a little and decided to splurge for a Coke float too. Good times.  We old people know how to live. Now stay off of my lawn!

January 24, 2008

A Jury Of Your Peers

Mainlogoclear Don't call me Bean, call me King County Superior Court Juror #102308610. Yesterday and the day before were the days I have been looking forward to my entire adult life: jury duty!

I find it surprising that this was my first ever jury summons considering that I a) have lived in five states since I turned 18 and became eligible to serve, b) have continuously held a driver's license, c) have voted in many elections, and d) have owned several different pieces of properties. I expected that any of those would have made my name readily available to be called but it never happened until now.

I was surprised how large the jury pool was when I reported for duty at 8:00 a.m. Tuesday morning. We must have numbered about 200 people in the waiting room. After a brief introductory video called We The People and then a few procedural words from jury manager Greg Wheeler, we knew what to do next. Wait.*

About an hour into the day, the first announcement came over the speaker that 35 names had been randomly selected and would be escorted upstairs to form a jury pool. My name was not called.

45 minutes later the second batch of names was called and mine was among them! I turned in my paperwork and waited for the bailiff to take us to a courtroom. Then came an  announcement that all of  us in jury pool #2 would  have to fill out some additional paperwork with questions all about our feelings toward the Hells Angels. Oooh, sounds like a hot one!

Almost immediately though the clerk called my name again and asked just me to step up to the counter. "How did they know?", I thought, "that I can tell someone is guilty just by looking at them? Now they are going to want me to be on all the juries!"

Wrong. Turns  out another guy with my same first and last name was the one they wanted for the motorcycle case and I was back on the outside looking in.

Another 45 minutes or so and then came the real call. I was in! I was one of 40 jurors in pool #2 and was whisked upstairs to Judge  Catherine Schaffer's courtroom on the 7th floor floor of the King County Superior Court. 

I was very impressed with the judge. She spoke quite eloquently  about the  importance of the jury system its history in British common law. She spoke of the defendant's  presumption of innocence and of the state's extraordinary burden of proof. I felt like I was reliving the civics lesson I probably slept through in 9th grade, and enjoying it.   

I found out that our case would be fraud case that involved a stolen check written by the defendant to the defendant for a little over 500 bucks. Allegedly, I guess. Still, not nearly as cool as the Hells Angels trial going on one floor up. 

Then her Honor turned the floor over to the two attorneys in the case to begin the process known as "voir dire," a medieval French term meaning, "to tell the truth." This is when the defense and prosecution tries to whittle the 40 down to 13 jurors (twelve, plus an alternate) that they hope will be receptive to  their interpretation of the facts of the case. The defense attorney looked a lot like Maggie Gyllenhaal (the cute Maggie from Secretary, not the scary drugged out one from Sherry Baby) but the state's attorney was a fox who looked exactly like Maggie Grace (remember dead Shannon from Lost?)

During the interviews, I learned a lot about my fellow jurors in a very short amount of time.  Average age appeared to be about 45. Astonishingly, just like Seattle itself, the racial breakdown appeared to be about 40 whites, 2 blacks, 5 Asians, and 3 others. 

Favorite news sources were NPR, Seattle Times, and New York Times though everything from Fox News to Al Jazeera to local channel KING 5 was mentioned.

Predictably, Microsoft, Boeing and Nordstrom, all Seattle based companies, were easily the most mentioned employers.   

Favorite non-work activities mentioned most included church, skiing, reading, and working out. Most  were married. Most had children.

As I was listening to the room I found myself wondering which jurors were going to be trouble once we got into deliberation. Kind of like how you size up other passengers on an airplane to see who you could take if you had to.

The guy who looked like Carlos Mencia wanted to impress upon us that a criminal should never get off because of a technicality. He had a very long rambling speech about O.J. Simpson to back that up. He did not get selected.

The guy who looked like Ben Kingsley must have known a lot of the right things to say. He had previously served on three other juries, as the foreman each time. He got picked.

The woman who looked like Roseanne was selected also. She had testified as an eyewitness in three separate trials involving the bank she worked at being robbed.

And so it went. I sat there in what should have been my deliberation room as 13 names were called and none of them even rhymed with Bean.  The state of Washington is apparently not interested in my brand of justice. Judge Shaffer had made it clear to us ahead of time that we must not take it personally if we did not make the panel; that it was not a reflection on our ability to judge a case fairly. I would be lying if I said I were not disappointed though.

Let me close with this first-hand observation of the process in action.  Those who paint jurors with a wide brush, who assume that the only people who serve are too stupid to get out of it, and that it is the dredges of society deciding court cases could not be more wrong. The group I spent the afternoon with was bright, articulate, well-informed and eager to fulfill their constitutional duty.   

And if you are one of the many who tries to dodge jury duty when it is your turn, I ask you this. Thomas Jefferson believed that the right to a trial by a jury of your peers was one of the most important and central principles of what the new American nation stood for.  Since you disagree, what idea do you think is better?


*Speaking of waiting, Day 2 of my minimum service requirement had none of the excitement of Day 1. My name was never called all day and I was excused around 2 p.m..

 

January 15, 2008

Attention: Everyone

No, I do not want to talk to you via Yahoo Messenger.

No, I do not want to be your friend on Friendster.

No, I do not want to want to be your friend on MySpace either.

No, I do not want to join your Linked In network. 

No, I do not wish to see who wants to contact me on Classmates.com.

No, I do not wish to see your photos on Flickr.

No, I do not wish to be in your Yelp network.

No, I do not want to receive your updates from Twitter

No, I do not want to be your friend on Facebook.

No, I do not want your instant messenger message from AOL.

No, I do not want to know what you are listening to on Last.fm

No, I do not want to know what you are reading on GoodReads.com

No, I do not want to join IndieGoGo.com, whatever that is.

No, I do not care to be listed on Spock.com, whatever that is.

No, I do not care to see your channel on YouTube.

But thanks for writing.

January 09, 2008

Don't Tell Rihanna!

Umbrella One of the many thoughtful Christmas gifts I received last month was this awesome Hello Kitty umbrella, from my friend Leah.  It fits nicely with my Hello Kitty toaster, waffle maker, water cooler, camera, clock, CD player, pencil box, gloves, Pez dispenser, well, you get the idea....

Here's the dirty little secret that only people who live in Seattle know: Nobody uses umbrellas here. I didn't own one before this gift and I don't think Donna has one either. In fact, I don't know a single person who uses an umbrella in Washington. Not one.

Oh, occasionally I will see one operating on the streets downtown but I figure those are just tourists. Or TV anchormen worried about their hair and makeup. Live in Seattle a while and you begin to barely notice if it's raining or not. In winter sometimes it rains so many days in a row that when it slows down to a drizzle, it feels like it is not even raining at all!


Rain1 You quickly get over any concern about getting wet if you're outside.  It is not uncommon to see two people standing on the sidewalk chatting leisurely with one another while it pours.  And I imagine if you added up all the hours you could waste carrying, opening, closing, losing, buying and re-buying umbrellas over a few years it would not be an insignificant chunk of time.

Don't get me wrong, Leah. I am grateful for the gift. And since I'll never use it, it should last me forever.

December 25, 2007

A Christmas Meme

Here's the Christmas Meme I got from my "friend" Frank Murphy. Rules for the game include:

  1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
  2. Share Christmas facts about yourself.
  3. Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
  4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Welcome to the Christmas edition of "Getting to Know Your Friends."

1. Wrapping or gift bags?  Wrapping. Gift bags are lame.

2. Real or artificial tree? We've had both but mostly go with a real one. This year's tree is not only fake, it is pink.

3. When do you put up the tree? Usually sometime between Thanksgiving and December 10th. Putting up the tree definitely falls outside of my jurisdiction though, so it's whenever Donna and our manslave, Marty decide.

4. When do you take the tree down? That varies year to year. Ideally, by 5 January I believe. Last year I kept track of one house on the Island that still had theirs up on St. Patrick's Day.

5. Do you like egg nog? I love it so. I used to drink it quite liberally but now to keep my girlish figure I buy the reduced calorie eggnog and just use it as a flavor shot in a glass of skim milk.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Unfortunately, since the accident*, I don't remember a single Christmas as a child. Knowing my parents though, I am sure I got everything I ever wanted.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes! All except the Baby Jesus. We have cows, sheep, pigs, dogs, and a donkey year round, not just at the holidays.

8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Hmmm, I seem to remember being broken down on the side of the road many years ago during a snowstorm on Christmas Day. Bad surprise.

9. Mail or email Christmas cards? Emailing Christmas cards is not like sending Christmas cards at all, unless attached to a gift card or something. Then it makes sense.

10. Favorite Christmas Movie? "It's A Wonderful Life" is not only my favorite Christmas movie but it is my all-time favorite movie too. God Bless the genius of director Frank Capra and the humanity of Jimmy Stewart.

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Year round but with an emphasis on really keeping my eyes open starting about 1 October.

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My late mother used to mail me her homemade fudge at the holidays. I miss them both, especially this time of year.

13. Clear lights or colored on the tree? I think we used both this year. Did I mention our tree is pink? There is no light macho enough to erase that fact.

14. Favorite Christmas song? No fair, no fair. I have one whole iPod of only Christmas music! Putting me on the spot, I'll say...um....how about..... brain.... melting down......okay, name one....."Please Come Home For Christmas" by Charles Brown. I was such a fan of his I even went to his funeral. True.

15. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Almost always at home. Our tradition is Chinese takeout and go to the movies on Christmas Day. This year we'll see "Juno."

16. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? I always forget Tito.

17. Angel on the tree top or a star? Neither. This year we have a lighted crystal ornament near the top though and it's pretty cool.

18. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning? We sometimes do one Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas Day.

19. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Christmas memes.

20. Do you decorate your tree in any specific theme or color? No, unless pink is a color.

21. What do you leave for Santa?  A roaring fire in the fireplace!  He complains but if he didn't want to get burned he's come in through the garage like everyone else.

22. Least favorite holiday song? "Twelve Days Of Christmas." Sooo long and repetitive. And boring. And repetitive.

23. Favorite ornament? We have a bulldog ornament that reminds me of a special young lady.

24. Family tradition? Yes, Donna somehow finds out what her best gift is every year before Christmas. Guess who knew about the teepee two weeks ago?

25. Ever been to Midnight Mass? A few times. Two years ago we went to one in Hawaii where we were vacationing. We'll never forget it. They had a very pretty member of the congregation doing interpretive Native dancing to the Christmas songs the band was playing. Her budding teenage sexuality combined with her too-small by two-sizes dress had many of us not thinking about Jesus during the service.

Tree_2

Here's where I am supposed to tag seven other bloggers but I am not going to. No one needs homework at Christmastime!!!

Peace out, everybody.

*Sorry, I don't remember the accident either.

 

December 24, 2007

Dear Santa

Beyonceknowlesama01

Dear Santa,

I know it's last minute and you are very busy, but please?

Sincerely,

Bean


P.S. Or a pony.

December 15, 2007

The Rain, The Park, And Other Things

Two Decembers in a row have bought unexpectedly bad weather to Western Washington. And I am not talking about just a storm; I'm talking about becoming a federally declared disaster area.

Perhaps you saw news coverage of this month's flood, with several people dead and hundreds of livestock drowned.  A twenty mile stretch of Interstate 5 south of Olympia was underwater and off limits for several days. There were hundreds of millions of dollars worth of damage and lost commerce.

One year ago yesterday Mother Nature stopped by my house. 60 - 90 mile per hour winds caused widespread damage all over Seattle, mostly due to downed power lines and, as in my case, trees. We are as proactive as we can be to cull dead and dying trees on the property but even a healthy one will come down  with enough wind from the right angle.

I didn't have a blog then so wasn't able to share photos with most of you but here are a couple I took the morning after. The Volkswagen had less than 7000 miles on it.

Vwwithhouse_2

Vw2_3
         

December 04, 2007

For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her

"Dear Bean,

Don't you think Q is the best letter in the world?

From, Emily"


Mailbox Thanks for the letter, Em.  If we were only talking about capital letters, I might agree with you. We all acknowledge how great the letter O is and the Q is like an O that is all dressed up.  And so stylish!  Other O-like letters such as P or B  seem like they are trying too hard. The problem with Q is that it is not so hot in the lower case. No one is impressed by q. It's a real Plain Jane.

It's tempting to give the crown to W but I get tired of how full of itself W is. It's a real, "Hey, Look at me!" letter, don't you think? And it's always hogging all elbow room.

I'm partial to A; it's so sturdy and well-built but you can't seriously consider a vowel for Best Letter Ever.  They just don't have the right stuff for that kind of heavy lifting.

I do like T.  I like G.   J and H seem like foreigners and I don't trust them.   L might be gay.   Z is confused about its place in the world and it shows.

Verdict? Y.   It's mysterious but reliable.  It's a consonant but can cover for a vowel  in a pinch.  It's comfortable at the beginning or the end of a word. It's a sentence on its own, out loud. It's  stacked. It's Young and Yummy and Yo-Yo and Yes!      
 

November 29, 2007

This Is An Outrage

Biggulpmachine_3 Here's the Big Gulp machine at my favorite 7-11 store, taken yesterday afternoon. Maybe it's not a big deal to you but to me the Big Gulp machine is like the Sun to a plant or Mother's bosom to a baby. It's the source of one of life's  greatest joys which is, well, Big Gulps.

But now there is trouble in paradise. See where it says Manzanita Sol? Yeah, that wasn't there the day before. It seems to be some sort of apple soda but I  can't guess what "Refresco de Manzana Cae la tentacion" is all about.

What I do know is that in addition to the large panel of advertising that went in, the store also replaced the Cherry Cola fountain drink option in the Big Gulp machine with this new stuff. No Cherry Coke? No peace, right?  Cherry Coke is, along with its beautiful twin sister Vanilla Coke, what made America great.

To add considerable insult to an almost inhuman amount of  injury, this new Mexican soda is made by...by..... Pepsi!! Pepsi! The Devil's Pee!

Pepsi products instead of Coca-Cola products? Why not dirt instead of cake? How about hate instead of love? How about rats instead of dogs? Do I need to go on? 

Pepsi instead of Coke? Maybe you'd  prefer The Biggest Loser to The Office? Bea Arthur to Beyonce? How about getting polio instead of a good night's sleep?   

All I am saying is this: How about a little less marching in the streets over the Writer's Strike, or the Jena 6, or some other "injustice" and a little more paying attention to what's really going on in this country. One Big Gulp Machine at a time.   

 

   

November 27, 2007

Now Hear This

Gene_autry I believe I have mentioned before that  I  am a year round Christmas music enthusiast. These last few weeks have been my favorite time of the year for one reason: almost every week there is a new holiday CD being released. Some of the best of this year's crop include those by Raul Malo, Jars Of Clay, Reliant K, and especially Over The Rhine.

The real tragedy for the audience is that most radio stations don't play very much Christmas music and those that do largely stick to the same safe titles and artists every year. You can get 24 hours a day in some cities of all the Christmas songs you know (and many of them deserve the plays - they are classics for a reason) but it is very difficult to hear anything beyond the regular playlist.

My small effort to give something back to the genre that has meant so much to me is to start a second blog, devoted only to one thing: sharing Christmas music to like-minded fans.

I plan to put as little work as possible into it by just posting an mp3 every morning with the title, artist, year and a brief note on the song. Sure, you'll hear Gene Autry (pictured) some days but I hope you'll also hear some songs and artists you don't know. And there is no reason a great song in December won't still be a great song in July. 

I started posting mp3s on Thanksgiving but wanted to give it a few days to get the bugs out before announcing it here.  My new site is ChristmasMusicEveryday.com.

Please enjoy.