I am aware that the book by Gabriel Garcia Marquez is a beloved romance novel, but the new Hollywood film version of Love In The Time Of Cholera is one of the worst movies I have ever seen.
I am a huge Javier Bardem fan but he was impossible to root for as the romantic lead in the piece because he plays Florentino like a creepy, stalker loser. And no one needs to see as much of his ass as I had to see at this film.
John Leguizamo's character Lorenzo seems like he was edited in from another movie, one set at least 150 years past the time the other characters are supposed to be living in.
Go see it if you want to see the worst Old People makeup you have ever seen in any production not on a high school auditorium stage. Several characters are playing characters in their 60s but are shuffling around like they're in a Vicki Lawrence* sketch.
At 2 hours and 20 minutes long the film is at least 2 hours too long. Let me put it another way: somewhere Roger Ebert is grateful for the stroke so he didn't have to see it. Gabriel Garcia Marquez is wishing he had never written the book. Thomas Edison is wishing he had never invented the motion picture.
No please.
* Ask your parents.
I almost saw that film, Bean. Thanks for the warning.
p.s. Get ready to laugh:
http://www.vickilawrence.com/vickilawrence/index.htm
Posted by: LA | November 19, 2007 at 07:32 AM
woah! oh wait wrong lawrence.
Some books just are not movie material.
Someday a producer will say "Maybe this isn't movie material!"
Right after I win the lottery
Posted by: ARSENAL MF'ers! | November 19, 2007 at 08:11 AM
Aw. You should have gone to see "No Country for Old Men", it was excellent.
Posted by: Jennifer | November 19, 2007 at 08:53 AM
Thanks for saving me $15. :) I had no intention of seeing it anyway...but now I know to steer clear and to get the word out to my family members and friends.
Tiffiny
Posted by: Tiffiny Whitney | November 19, 2007 at 09:39 AM
So let me get this straight. It's bad but isn't bad enough for it to come around to being good. Thanks for that info Bean!
Posted by: Geo | November 19, 2007 at 11:01 AM
Thanks for that info Bean! (say it like the jingle Ralph made)
javier bardem is really good in No Country for Old Men.
i felt dirty for laughing so much.
Posted by: rkim13 | November 19, 2007 at 11:03 AM
"At 2 hours and 20 minutes long the film is at least 2 hours too long."
So the credits were good then?
"* Ask your parents."
I know about Vicki Lawrence, ass.
Posted by: Vic Rattler | November 19, 2007 at 11:14 AM
Hey Bean, I saw an ad for the first season of Love American Style coming out on DVD on November 20th. Just letting you know in case it hasn't been emailed to you a million times already.
Posted by: Sarah | November 19, 2007 at 11:26 AM
When I read the book, I thought Florentino was a creepy, stalker loser. So really Bardem was just playing him as he was written.
Posted by: Lordzed | November 19, 2007 at 03:45 PM
The Carol Burnett Show was a classic, as was Love American Style (Friday nights on ABC). Mama's Family, not so much.
Posted by: Diane | November 19, 2007 at 08:21 PM
I COMPLETELY agree with every sentiment you made Bean! I was trying to keep an open mind the entire time but ended up falling asleep and missed most of the "soft porn" movie. Now I'm questioning why they used the book in "Serendipity".
Posted by: Mani | November 20, 2007 at 01:29 PM
I have only ever heard of that book because it was featured in John Cusack's 2001 romantic comedy Serendipity. Does that make me a classless ho? Probably. I also only know about Citizen Cane because of Julie Brown's song "The Homecoming Queen's got a gun." I have no culture in my life...:(
Posted by: Frances | November 20, 2007 at 01:54 PM