Strongly Worded Letter

TaterDay In The Park.....

Donna and Tater and I all went for a big walk in one of the many parks on the island this week. The Tot is an excellent follower but I don't believe we will count on her to lead us out of the woods if we ever get lost in there. Still, we had a great time and have really been enjoying a mostly sunny, mild February.

Tater Tot Friday Bonus Bulldog:

Hello Bean!

This is a picture of my brother's dog Rickles who
lives in Kodiak at the Coast Guard Base. He will be a
year old in March. We censored it for your delicate
audience.

Thank You!

Jennifer

"But Wait, There's More!"

Last week's post about ApostropheAbuse.com drew a lot of reaction from you, including an excellent followup suggestion from reader Evelia. She sent in this link to The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.  No explanation necessary but here  are just a few of the photos you'll find there.

Plus, several of you wanted to make sure I saw the recent New York Times article titled, Celebrating the Semicolon in a Most Unlikely Location. Very interesting and  very funny, for the Times. 

FW: FW: FW: FW:

Because I am known as an animal lover I get forwarded every news story or funny picture that anyone who knows me comes across that includes fur, wool, snouts, hooves, paws, wings, or tails. It is rare I don't get a dozen copies of most of these emails but I know the senders mean well so I don't mind.

Just in case you don't have the same friends and family as I do though you might have missed these two stories that have been buzzing around the internets. I don't know the origin or validity of either.

The first set of photos arrives with this text, "A momma dog is fostering this little pig for his mom who couldn't take care of him. He had his eyes closed, but now they are open. He is just a little bigger than her other pups. She loves this little guy more than the other puppies and she is nursing him back to health. He is the cleanest puppy ever because she licks him all the time."














If I were sending out these photos I might add a note for the receiver to consider the randomness of which of these pets you choose to eat over the other and why.


The second hot link I've been getting over the past year or so is this one that offers this explanation for the linked video, "This woman found this lion hurt and about to die. She took him home and took care of him. When the lion was better she called the local  zoo. This was the reaction she got when the lion saw her again." 

    

People Who Are Better Than Us

So I heard on the car radio the other day that the Seattle Symphony's new "Principal Pops Director" would be presenting his first concert of the season next month.

He is renowned musician Marvin Hamlisch and if you recognize the name it might be from his hit soundtrack from the movie The Sting, for which he performed the ragtime score. Or maybe from his string of hits on Broadway, including A Chorus Line. Wait, isn't he also the guy who wrote all those pop songs like Nobody Does it Better and The Way We Were?   

A little research when I got home confirmed my suspicions. He did all that. In fact, Marvin Hamlisch is one of only two  people in history to win an Oscar, an Emmy, a Tony, a Grammy, and a Pulitzer Prize*.  Damn it and I am a worthless slug.

Then I heard an interview on the radio with a woman who was promoting the book she had written. What is the little book about? Oh, just Rachel Scdoris's story of being legally- blind- since-birth and how that didn't stop her from training and now racing annually in the Alaskan Iditerod dog sled race.  Damn it and I am a worthless slug.

Lesson learned. I gotta stop listening to the radio.      

*Richard Rodgers is the other one. I knew you wanted to know.

 

At The Sound Of the Tone

Young people reading this entry likely do not remember a world without telephone answering machines. Yes, there was a time when you called someone and they weren't home that  the phone just rang. And there was no way for that person to know you were trying to reach them while they were out. Weird, huh? 

I seem to remember answering machines coming into vogue sometimes in the 1970s. It seemed like pretty cutting edge technology to me at the time. That's why I was surprised to see this article from the August 1934 issue of  Modern Mechanix magazine. (click to enlarge)

I love that the inventor quoted in the piece, "predicts these machines will soon be in wide use."    

Thanks to reader Frances for the tip on this awesome website that features dozens of magazine scans from the early Twentieth Century. He or she also made a point of making sure I saw this 1951 article on What Happens When You Mail A Letter.  Good times! 

Dig If You Will This Picture

Way back on December 12 I wrote about my favorite internet time waster; a photo feed that constantly updates itself as users add pictures to their LiveJournal pages. At any moment you see the latest 50 shots and the randomness makes each refresh a one-of-a-kind momentary art project.

What I didn't know then was that if you see a photo you like and demand context, just click on it and it takes you to the actual page that features it.  I've been saving some I liked over the last week to share with you. I believe the link is really worth a visit.

   

"Their Lives In Just Six Words"

From USA Today, on Thursday.

"Could you sum up your life in just six words? Writers took the pithy challenge in Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure from Smith Magazine...

...This online publication's request for quick memoirs garnered 15,000 submissions; 800 made the book. Here are what some of the more famous contributors wrote:

'Well, I thought it was funny.'   Stephen Colbert

'Me see world! Me write stories!'    Elizabeth Gilbert

'Secret of life: Marry an Italian.'   Nora Ephron

'Fearlessness is the mother of reinvention.'   Arianna Huffington

'Revenge is living well without you.'     Joyce Carol Oates

'Fifteen years since last professional haircut.'    David Eggers

'Mushrooms. Clowns. Wands. Five. Wig. Thatched.'    Amy Sedaris"


Me again. Okay, first of all, I need to come up with one of these dumb ideas that everyone else seems to have that enables one with no actual writing ability to get other people to do all the hard work and then be able to put out a book.

Secondly, there is no question what my six word memoir would be. It has been my motto for years, the one thing I have learned that is my life's lesson. I am willing to share it with you and invite you to post your own six word memoirs below. Here's my gift to you:

Next time: More sheep, Fewer goats.

Walking In A Winter Taterland

We had some beautiful warm and bright and sunny days this week and Tater Tot enjoyed every one of them. We played ball in the yard, sat out on the back porch and went for a few big walks.  And here she is!

Today's Bonus Tater Tot Friday Bulldog Photos!!!  Blog reader Menard (wife Danielle and son Juggernaut) came through with photos of his gorgeous pair of bullies. Please meet MacGyver  (top in first picture) and Stan Lee (bottom in same).

Fun With Apostrophe's

We've all seen them. Lots of them. They are everywhere. A sign where someone means to make something plural but for some inexplicable reason he puts in an apostrophe instead, making it possessive. Really, why do that? How does it not look so wrong that the dude doesn't realize it immediately?

Anyway's (See what I mean? See how out-of-place that looks? How can that mistake be made millions of times a day?), I was in the Bad Place last week and walked past the marquee of the world famous Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood. They were showing Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, which is another serious problem in this country we'll save for another day. But here's how they advertised it:



There is that damned apostrophe abuse again. Oooh, that reminds me, I need to send in this photo to ApostropheAbuse.com. Yes, it's a whole website filled with reader photos of this blight. (Thanks to my friend Frank Murphy for the tip.) I'll leave you with a few more examples from the site but let me end with this advice if you are thinking of adding your own unnecessary apostrophes to try to make your nouns plural: Dont.

My New Girlfriend

No one likes to be dumped for another person. Let's be honest - even if the breakup is ultimately for the best. Of course it hurts at the time when the Other Woman/the Other Man comes out of nowhere and  drinks your milkshake.  No matter how secure we are, there is not much defense to, say Angelina Jolie coming along (Sorry, Jen Jen).

That's why I hope my darling wife Donna will see this post and understand  that it's not about her. There is nothing she could have done differently to compete with my new girlfriend Verna.  (Click to make larger, if needed)

Come on! Her name is Verna first of all. Yes please. Secondly, she not only works for the post office, she runs Zip Code 45105!!!   Lastly for now (I'm sure I'll discover many other things I love about her down the road) she is 91 years old which is right in my wheelhouse. We can talk about all the things we have in common as we clear the chicken soup dishes and get ready for bed at 7:30 each night. Sigh. 

P.S. By happy coincidence, today is the anniversary of the creation of the  U.S.  Postal Service!  It was in 1792.  I bet Verna was so hot then.

I Got Served (Two Terms)

Yeah, yesterday was Presidents' Day, which by-the-way is still officially known by the U.S. Government as Washington's Birthday, and I celebrated like I always do: writing another chapter in the book of haiku about Benjamin Harrison that is my life's work. 

As patriotic and appropriate as that was as a way to spend the holiday, I have to say that my beautiful bride Donna totally out-Presidented me yesterday.

She and her Pop were in Simi Valley, California visiting the Ronald  Reagan Presidential Library. They even got their photo taken on board Air Force One! She reports back that it was a wonderful way to spend the afternoon and if there was any bad news it's that they recently took down the portrait mosaic made of jelly beans that hung in the library.

That news, unfortunately, makes the just released yesterday new book Oval Office Oddities already outdated. Author Bill Fawcett suggest these other fascinating places to visit too and I'm pretty sure they are still there.

In Washington D.C., the USS Sequoia, the 104 foot former Presidential yacht, now open for tours, where you can see the scratch in the table where Harry Truman damaged it with a cigar cutter after a particularly bad hand of cards.

In Palm Springs, California, the Seven Lakes Country Club, where former president Eisenhower shot his very first hole-in-one after decades of playing golf.

Back to D.C., the Willard Hotel, where the term "lobbyist" was born! President Grant hung out in the lobby there almost every night  for a drink and a cigar and people would wait there for him to get there so they could get his ear.

Springfield, Illinois, Abe Lincoln's tomb. Go to hear the story of the two guys who tried to steal the body in 1876. They would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for some meddling kids. P.S. There was no law against stealing a body in Illinois so they were only charged with breaking the lock on the tomb.

P.S.  I should have remembered this in time for yesterday's post but here it is now. "Same goes to you crazies who spell "wacko" as "whacko." What the hell are you thinking?"    

Whoo Hoo?

This will seem like splitting hairs to most readers but I am just not comfortable with Washington Mutual Bank's energetic new advertising campaign, which they spell Whoo Hoo.

Why? I am a Woo Hoo man myself. Until I saw this sign on my local branch last week I didn't remember ever seeing it spelled with an H in there before.

Was it just an error? A typo? I wondered so went straight home and Googled both spellings. Surprise!  Woo Hoo returned 381,000 results. Whoo Hoo? Try 793,000 hits!!!! So it looks like my people are in the minority.

Some interesting sidebars turned up in my investigation. Whoohoo.co.uk  is a British dialect translator. For instance, if you are  from Yorkshire you can now convert your email into Cockney.  There is also a feature to translate your note into Ali G speak!   

Children's music superstars  The Wiggles have an album named  Whoo Hoo! Wiggly Gremlins! 

One the other side, Woo Hoo is a 1959 rockabilly hit from a band called the Rock-A-Teens as well as a popular cover (Remember Kill Bill?) by the Japanese girl group The 5.6.7.8s.

More importantly, the great Homer Simpson has weighed in on this sudden until-now-unbeknownst -to-anyone controversy. And if it's good enough for Homie, it's good enough for me!

Pimps And Hos

By now you've likely heard of the controversy that arose this month over a remark MSNBC talking head David Schuster made while guesting on fellow commentator's Chris Mathews' show.

He was referring to former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton's role on the campaign trail for her mother's presidential bid and said, "doesn't it seem like Chelsea's sort of being pimped out in some weird sort of way?"

My first thought when I heard the quote was that he probably meant to say "pimped," not "pimped out."  If Chelsea were truly pimped out wouldn't she be wearing a full length chinchilla coat and drinking Cristal from a solid gold chalice? If she were being pimped, as I think Mr. Schuster was suggesting, then she would be being coerced against her will to give speeches, shake hands, and sit with her Dad while Mom gives boring speech after speech in state after state.

I think the suggestion is absurd, first of all. I mean, she's 28 years old, not 14 and she clearly isn't out there against her will. She's just pitching in to help out the family business. I also think the supposed outrage from Senator Clinton's people is even more laughable. Are they really so out of touch with contemporary language use in the 21st century as to be offended by the word "pimp?" This reminds me so much of the Rutgers womens basketball team last year suggesting that Don Imus accused them of actually having sex for money because he used the word "ho" in his now infamous description of the girls. "Ho" has other more colloquial meanings than the slang for "whore".

Unrelated to the mini-drama on the Democratic side,  it turns out that John McCain's daughter is not only on the campaign trail stumping for Daddy, and apparently willingly, but she is also blogging about it!

Check out McCainBlogette.com to read 23 year old Megan's daily account of the campaign grind.  First of all, see photo. Yes, please. Secondly, if McCain wins it will be the first time I imagine that music from Wilco, Sleater-Kinney, and the Decemberists will be heard in the White House, based on Megan's iPod shuffle playlist she posted on her blog  yesterday.   

Finally, here's the funniest of the pictures that she posted in the last week.

 

"Not The Way This Record Was Supposed To End!"

As I was posting my song-of-the-day on ChristmasMusicEveryday.com this morning, I realized the format over there does not allow me to write very much about today's featured artist.

Do you know the name Dickie Goodman? He has been recognized by Billboard magazine as the #1 Novelty Artist of all time. He is admired greatly by those who followed in his footsteps (Weird Al and Dr. Demento are both in Dickie's top 8 friends on MySpace) but the public at large (that's you) may have forgotten him.

Dickie invented the "break-in" record. Pretending to be a news reporter at the scene of a developing story, he would conduct interviews with witnesses or participants at the scene who would answer his questions with snippets of popular hit records at the time.

His first hit record, 1956's Flying Saucer capitalized on America's fascination with alien spacecraft. Between breathless news reports of a War Of The Worlds type invasion scenario, Goodman's on-the-spot reporter interviewed the visitor from space who responded with short clips of popular records by Fats Domino, Little Richard, Buddy Holly and many others.

You can guess what happened next. Lawsuits from seventeen record labels charging copyright infringement and unauthorized use of their material. The judge made a landmark ruling that is still enforced today: that the new work was substantially different from the original record and was a parody, protected by fair use laws. Dickie Goodman's precedent was referred to hundreds of times decades later when sampling older songs to make new ones became popular in the 1980s.

What I love about Dickie's songs is that they were all so topical. Santa And The Satellite, which you can hear for free today on my other blog, reflects the country's obsessions with both Sputnik and Elvis Presley, the top stories of 1957.

He did records on the Caped Crusader craze (Batman And His Grandmother, 1966), the  moon landing ( Luna Trip, 1969), Blaxploitation movies (Superfly  Vs. Shaft, 1973), the #3 smash on the blockbuster film Jaws (Mr. Jaws, 1975) and many, many more.

Sadly, the man who brought so much laughter to two generations of record buyers took his own life on November 6, 1989. His son Jon manages his father's catalog now and there are several excellent CD compilations of hits in print, plus Jon's biography of Dickie called The King Of Novelty.

Like The Beatles Said, "Hey Bulldog!"

This is one of my favorite Tater Tot Friday pictures, from July 2006. I came across it recently and hoped some of my new readers might enjoy it.

Tater Tot Friday Bonus Bulldogs!!!

Reader Anissa rules for reminding me that this past weekend was the annual Bulldog Beauty Contest in Long Beach, Ca.. Click  here for the results or just sit back and enjoy lots of bulldoggy goodness with these photos from the competition. (Janice Harris photos)

Personal to blog reader Menard: I am retarded and  somehow lost the awesome photo you sent of of your little guys. Would you please re-send for a future Friday post?

Enjoy the holiday weekend, one and all!!

Move Along. There Is Nothing To See Here

Complaining about traffic is usually about as effective as complaining about the weather. It is so far out of our hands that I don't know why we would waste our own time with it, much less others.  But I have to get something off my chest today.

About once every six to eight weeks a small group of people in my business in Seattle get together for dinner. It's nice. There is lots of industry gossip, observations, and exchanging of ideas in a friendly, non-competitive  manner.  Smart, creative people whose company I really enjoy. 

Yesterday was the latest meeting and we agreed on a restaurant for dinner in Issaquah, a Seattle suburb on Lake Washington, about 15 miles east of the city. (Two unrelated notes: Issaquah comes from the Indian word for snake and the town has  become slightly famous in the last few years due to spawning the rock band Modest Mouse.)   

I am pretty diligent about being on time so I left with plenty of time to get there, even allowing for rush hour traffic. When I merged from Route 518 onto the 405 I was dismayed to see nothing but tail lights. I mean, it was a parking lot, if cars in a parking lot were actually moving, albeit at only about ten miles per hour.

Speed limit 55, actual speed 10.

For twenty solid minutes. Moving but very slow. 20 minutes at 10 mph means less than five miles in that time on the 405. Eventually I saw the cars ahead of me starting to break away from the pack but I couldn't see why.   In another minute I finally was in position to be able to see what had caused the quagmire. I saw something so shocking, so unusual, so mind bending that I now understood why the other drivers had not been able to zip on by. There was ... wait for it .... a car parked on the shoulder of the highway.

Not a police car with a radar gun showing out of the window.

Not an ambulance loading Britney Spears in on a gurney.

Not a fire truck hosing down a fiery, crashed alien spacecraft.

Not a vehicle with a tire being changed.

Not even a vehicle with its hazard lights on.

Not a vehicle even with a person in it. And it was on a well-lit shoulder, safely parked several feet off the lanes of travel.

Just a car. Much Like the ones driver after driver was pedaling at 10 miles per hour to have a look and then immediately flooring it up to 60 as they passed it.

There was nothing in the road. There was no need for a backup. I understand seeing the whole road and defensively driving and anticipating potential danger but if you can not effectively evaluate a situation like this one as you pass by without having to practically stop on the highway then you should not be driving on them. Word is bond.   

            

A House Is Not A Home

Donna and I got the chance to tour an historic old house on the island recently. I'm sure it was beautiful in 1906 when it was built but it has fallen into some disrepair in the short 102 years since. Some people just can't have nice things.

We enjoyed the visit though and I took advantage of the opportunity to snap a few pictures.

Awesome/Not Awesome

First, the awesome:

The St Valentine's Day porker: Piglet born with heart-shaped spots

A cute little piglet born with heart-shaped markings on his side is the centre of attention as lovers gear up for Valentine's Day this week.

The 10-day-old Gloucester Old Spot piglet christened Valentine - what else? - is one of a litter of seven born at Byford's Farm in Taynton, near Newent, Glos.

Farmer Eric Freeman, 75 - a founding member of the Gloucester Old Spot Pig Breeders' Club - said Valentine's mother Mandi Lou has already got used to her piglet stealing the show.

"Some sows get really annoyed and squeal but Old Spots are known for being quiet," he said.  "Mandi Lou was very good and didn't mind Valentine having her picture taken.

"I've bred thousands of Old Spot piglets over the years but this is the first ever to have such a clear heart-shaped mark. "It couldn't be more appropriate with Valentine's Day just around the corner."

Mr. Freeman has been breeding Old Spots at his farm for 25 years and said the breed has come back from near-extinction in the past few years.

"I think there are probably around 400 members of the breeders' club and they have spread far and wide," he said.

So far so good, right? Oh, wait, there is one more sentence in the U.K. Daily Mail article:

"There has been a lot of interest because they are a fatty breed and it's a different taste to the normal type of pig - it's much more succulent."

Not Awesome.

As The Numbers Get Smaller, The Hits Get Bigger

Most weekends I enjoy listening to rebroadcasts of the old Casey Kasem hosted American Top 40 shows on the radio. Satcaster XM airs episodes from the 70s on Saturdays and 80s countdowns on Sundays.  Yesterday I also stumbled upon a show from February 1978 on terrestrial radio too, on Seattle's B97.3.

I thought it would be interesting to get your vote on which survey from this week of the year in the last five decades has the "best" Top 10, whatever you interpret that to mean. It can be the one with the most songs you like. Or the list with the most songs you consider that are classics, that stand the test of time.  Or the list that is the most fun or best captures the era. It's not scientific but I enjoy lists (Hello, Aspergers!) and seeing some of these titles jogs some fun memories too.

   
Week ending February 10, 1968

10. Bend Me, Shape Me
American Breed
9.  Woman Woman
Gary Puckett & Union Gap   
8.  Nobody But Me
Human Beinz
7. Goin' Out Of My Head/
      Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You
Lettermen
6. I Wish It Would Rain
Temptations
5. Chain Of Fools
Aretha Franklin
4. Judy In Disguise
John Fred & Playboy Band
3. Spooky
Classics IV
2. Green Tambourine
Lemon Pipers
1. Love Is Blue
Paul Mauriat


Week ending February 11, 1978

10.How Deep Is Your Love
Bee Gees
9. Dance, Dance, Dance
Chic
8. Emotion
Samantha Sang
7. Baby Come Back
Player
6. Sometimes When We Touch
Dan Hill
5. Just The Way You Are
Billy Joel
4. We Are The Champions
Queen
3. Love Is Thicker Than Water
Andy Gibb
2. Short People
Randy  Newman
1. Stayin' Alive
Bee Gees


Week ending February 13, 1988

10. She's Like The Wind
Patrick Swayze
9.  Don't Shed A Tear
Paul  Carrack
8.  Say You Will
Foreigner
7.  Hazy Shade Of Winter
Bangles
6. Need You Tonight
Inxs
5.  What Have I Done To Deserve This
Pet Shop Boys
4.  Hungry Eyes
Eric Carmen
3.  I Want To Be Your Man
Roger
2.  Seasons Change
Expose
1.  Could've Been
Tiffany



Week ending February  14, 1998

10. Dangerous
Busta Rhymes
9.  How's It Going to Be
Third Eye Blind
8.  No, No, No
Destiny's Child
7.  A Song For Mama
Boyz II Men
6.  I Don't Ever Want To See You Again
Uncle Sam*
5.  Been Around The World
Puff Daddy
4.  Truly, Madly, Deeply
Savage Garden
3.  How Do I Live
LeeAnn Rimes
2.  Together Again
Janet Jackson
1.  Nice And Slow
Usher

Week ending February  12, 2008

10. Take You There
Sean Kingston
9.  New Soul
Yael Naim
8.  Sensual Seduction
Snoop Dogg
7.  Clumsy
Fergie
6.  Love Song
Sarah Bareilles
5.  No One
Alicia Keys
4.  Apologize
Timbaland & One Republic   
3.  Don't Stop The Music
Rihanna
2.  With You
Chris Brown
1.   Low
Flo Rida & T-Pain

So who wins, readers? Which decade has the "best" Top 10?

 

* Has anyone heard of this song? I sure haven't.

Cupid, Draw Back Your Bow

Valentine's Day is Thursday. All women know that already because they have the date stamp imprinted on their DNA. It's science. You could bring a woman back from a years long coma and her first words upon  waking up would be, "Only 191 days until Valentine's Day. Has he started shopping yet?"

Many gals are already starting to get furious about whatever it is their man is planning for that night that is not exactly what they are demanding hoping for.  They don't even know what it is but they know it's not enough. Important Disclaimer: Not my wife, of course! !!! She will be the first to tell you that ...uh.... everyday is Valentine's Day at our house.

If it helps with one aspect of your planned celebration, here is a partial list of Post Offices with Valentine's Day related names where you can send your cards and gifts for that special, romantic postmark. Some Post Offices also cancel the letter with hearts, cupid, or some other  related artwork.

Bliss, NY 14024
Bridal Veil, OR, 97010
Heart Butte, MT 59448
Juliette, GA 31046
Kissimmee, FL, 32741
Lovejoy, GA 30250
Lovejoy, IL 62059
Loveland, CO 80538
Loveland, OH 45140
Lovelands, OK 73553
Lovelock, NV 89419
Lovely, KY 41231
Loveville, MD 20656
Loving, NM 88256
Loving, TX 76062
Romance, AR 72136
Romeo, MI 48065
Sugar City, CO 81076
Valentine, NE 69201
Valentine, TX 79854
Valentines, VA 23887


Simply enclose pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelopes  and mail in a large stamped envelope to:
      
Postmaster
(Town Name) Valentine Re-mailing
City, State ZIP Code

This idea is probably too late to risk for this year but save this page for eleven months and you might be glad you did.
 

Not The Best Thing About The Job

The next President of  the United States was in the Seatttle area yesterday, ahead of today's Washington State caucus.

Senator Clinton was in Tacoma at the University of Puget Sound. Senator McCain blew into town in for a two hour fundraiser last night at the downtown Westin Hotel. Senator Obama addressed more than 20,000 folks at an overflowing Key Arena, far outdrawing our basketball Sonics who play there.

I was talking to Anel, my Token Black Friend, the other day and he remarked that he's heard talk in his neighborhood that if Obama is elected president they'd better just plan on burying him in the same suit he's inaugurated in. In other words, his term would last from about noon to 12:30 on January 20, 2009.

Ignoring how horrifying that would be, let's discuss it hypothetically for a minute. Say the shooter (just guessing) does the deed and is immediately killed on the scene by the D.C. Police. He (or she) didn't leave a note at home and never talked to anyone ahead of time to reveal his plan or motive. The world would probably assume race was the reason for the treason, I'm sure.

Not so fast! Did you know that there have been assassination attempts against at least fifteen U.S. Presidents and none of them were black?

Almost everyone knows the sad stories of Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Kennedy. At some point in high school you likely learned that President Garfield was shot in 1881 and died three months later.  President McKinley only lasted a week after he was mortally wounded in 1901.

Then there are all the ones who in some cases literally dodged a bullet.

Andrew Jackson beat down his would-be killer with a cane after the man fired and missed twice with flintlock pistols at the U.S. Capitol in 1835.

Teddy Roosevelt took a shot to the chest in 1912 and not only survived, but gave the speech he was in Milwaukee to deliver before he even went to the hospital. And you thought McCain was tough!

In 1933, Franklin Roosevelt escaped unharmed but the Mayor of Chicago was killed by one of the five  bullets shot at the stage they were on in Miami.

Harry Truman survived  an ambush attack at D.C.'s Blair House by two men  in 1950. One was killed by guards, the other convicted of the assassination attempt and awarded the death penalty. The President later commuted the sentence to life in prison.

Did you see the movie The Assassination of Richard Nixon, starring Sean Penn? It depicts a true story of a man who, in 1974, attempted to hijack an airplane and fly it into the White House and kill the President. He ended up killing both pilots, then himself instead.

Know the names Squeaky Fromme or Sarah Jane Moore?  Each attempted to shoot Gerald Ford in California two weeks apart in September 1975.

Secret Service agents protecting Jimmy Carter arrested the gunman who came for him in Los Angeles in 1979. He claimed he was just there to create a diversion while Mexican hit men with sniper rifles did the killing.

John Hinckley, Jr. did not get the girl when he shot Ronald Reagan to try to impress actress Jodie Foster in 1981.

A few months after he left office in 1993, sixteen Iraqis smuggled a car bomb into Kuwait with the intent to kill George H.W. Bush as he spoke at Kuwait University.

Bill Clinton endured two assassination attempts during his long year in the White House of 1994; one when a Cessna 150 crashed  onto the grounds there and the other when a man fired a semi-automatic rifle from out on Pennsylvania Avenue.

A chance malfunction in its detonator kept a live hand grenade from exploding and potentially killing its target, President George W. Bush, when it was hurled by a man in Freedom Square in Tblisi, Georgia in 2005.

Sorry for the bad news, Barack, but you've got about a one in three chance of someone trying to kill you if you win the presidency, no matter who you are. Good luck with that.

 

Lampshade In The House

Tater Tot Friday!! It happens to many dogs at some point in their lives: the dreaded lampshade on the head.


Come to think of it, it happens to some people too.

Tater'll be fine. She's got a little scratch on her  eyeball so we're trying to keep her from rubbing her face and making it worse. She has a bunch of eye drops that are helping it heal and keeping her comfortable too but the plastic collar she does not dig.

It should be all cleared up by this time next week so no panic necessary in the Tater Nation.

Have a phenomenal weekend!

What A Deal!!!

I had an auto tire mishap the other day and stopped by my friendly neighborhood Les Schwab Tire Store to have it repaired. Unfortunately, a nail had ruined the  tire so it couldn't be fixed and I had to order a new tire that took a freakin' week to get here from Pennsylvania but that's not the point of this entry.

While in the store I saw this placard advertising the current Les Schwab  sales promotion in effect: Buy  some new tires and get some free beef. Huh? Yep. Buy two and get $7.50 worth of cow. Buy four and get $15.00 worth. Again, huh?

How do you suppose that meeting went?

"Guys, we've got to move some more tires. Whaddya got?

"Well, we could offer a free giveaway with purchase. "

"Great idea! How about meat?"

"Makes sense to me.  Let's do it."


Here's what the company website has to say, 

"It's that time again. FREE BEEF with the tires you buy!

A "thank you" to the farmers and ranchers of the West, and a way to show our gratitude to you, our customer. Party pack, or fresh from the freezer. Buy some tires, get some beef. It's a big extra at no extra charge. While your (sic) there, ask about Les Schwab's easy-pay credit, including 90 days same as cash.

Sudden Service, Supermarket Selection, On-the-spot Warranties, and right now FREE BEEF.

You'll find it at Les Schwab. Ask about it."

I did. I asked. The guy beyond the counter didn't know a thing about the farmers or the ranchers. Still seems weird to me.   

Snow Day

I mentioned a few days ago that my friend Marty, the best friend a guy could ever have, and I drove down to Oregon to bring my pig, Godzilla, home after a ten day hospital stay. On the road, we hit a few patches of winter weather which, while never fun to drive through, always makes me happy if I have a camera with me.

Here are a few snapshots that I took through the passenger side window of Marty's truck, while we were moving. I wish I had time to get out and compose them properly but we were on a pretty tight schedule to get all the way there and back in one day. Please enjoy.

 

You can click on any image to enlarge too. It was a winter wonderland!

Don't Worry, Be Happier

I wasn't going to blog about that new survey's results on happiness when I saw it last week but I got to thinking about it again yesterday.

In case you missed it, here is an edited synopsis from the Los Angeles Times:

"The road to happiness is U-shaped.

New research this week has found that happiness over the course of a lifetime follows a universal curve in which the greatest bliss occurs at the beginning and end of life, while misery dominates middle age.

The pattern was consistent around the globe, according to the report, which examined social survey data on 2 million people in 80 countries, including the United States.

The study, conducted by economists Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England and David Blanchflower of Dartmouth College in New Hampshire, set out to look at the relationship between age and happiness.

Researchers controlled for other factors that affect happiness, such as divorce, job loss and income.

The researchers, whose study will be published in the journal Social Science & Medicine, found that in the United States happiness reached its lowest point around age 40 in women and age 50 in men.

Oswald was perplexed by the results. He said it was possible that in midlife people learn to accept their strengths and weaknesses and abandon unrealistic aspirations."

I am perplexed too. Sure, I can understand the high levels of satisfaction among 20 years old, at one peak on the graph. They are optimistic, hopeful and stupid. But I guess I can't yet know why 80 years olds are just as happy. I imagine I'll be terrified about waking up dead every morning. That is if I even make it that far.

As for abandoning "unrealistic aspirations," as the researcher suggests to explain the low happiness levels for Americans in their 40s, I have left most of mine behind.  I've gradually accepted that I will not be an astronaut or a baseball player and I will never own a tapir.

I was also forced to examine just how little I have accomplished when I realized that Senator Barack Obama, who at this point in the '08 campaign is still a viable candidate to be the next President of the United States, is younger than I am. I have trouble working a can opener and this guy might run the country?

The Day After

Today's the day after the Superbowl but more exciting for me is that we are one day closer to the start of the Major League Baseball season. My beloved Seattle Mariners put their tickets for their Cactus League games on sale this weekend. I have not made it down to Peoria, Arizona to catch a game yet but my Dad and I did see the M's play the Cubs in an exhibition game in Las Vegas a couple of years ago.

Here's one football note though, not about yesterday's Patriots disappointment,  but a game played twenty years ago this month, a game that recently aired again on the NFL Network. My friend Frank Murphy wrote this about it on his blog recently:

"The other day I flipped past and got immediately hooked in by a classic Redskins victory. My wife and son watched with me. We were just in time to see Doug Williams' first touchdown pass of Superbowl XXII. The Redskins  went on to score 42 unanswered points, winning the game 42 to 10.

As Ricky Sanders caught touchdown after touchdown, I was reminded of his performance at the team's victory celebration back in D.C. This young broadcaster was there to witness Sanders catch a pass from President Ronald Reagan. My good friend Bean and I described it live on WAVA. (Editor's note: Washington D.C. radio station Frank and I worked on in the 1980s)

In the time leading up to the game, we did some anti-Bronco smack talking on the morning show. Management complained when we said "Denver Sucks" on the air so I came up with an alternative catch phrase by looking in the dictionary: "The Broncos draw liquids into their mouths by creating a partial vacuum with their lips, cheeks and tongues." A listener made us some "Denver Sucks" hats, which we ungraciously wore to the White House. I have a picture taken using some antique technology. As you can see, a flaw in this "film" makes it look like I have something coming out of my nose."


I want to include the photo Frank posted to accompany his story on his blog too. Let this serve as some of the best advice you will ever get. If you want to appear ageless, grow a beard if you can. Frank looks nearly identical today as he does in this 20 year old picture. I, however, look twelve years old here and seventy today.

Thoughts On A Giant Rat

As a guy who likes to stay informed on breaking news I am a frequent visitor to Google Trends, a site I've mentioned it in this space before; it's like a record chart of songs bubbling under the Hot 100. 

Don't misunderstand. These aren't the most common searches for that hour. Those are almost always the usual suspects, Britney Spears, Hannah Montana, Jessica Alba, etc. No, this is a constantly updated web page of the Google searches with most new upward action.

I clicked on over yesterday around noon and was surprised, perhaps naively, that Groundhog Day was still as popular as is was. Seven of the top ten search terms related to the holiday.

1. "groundhog day 2008"
2. "punxutawney phil"
3. "did the groundhog see his shadow"
4. "puxatony phil"
5. "ground hog"
6. "punksatony phil"
8. "groundhog phil"

other mentions on the list included

15. "punxsutawney pa"
33. "groundhog video"
38. "groundhog results"
48. "groundhog prediction"
51. "groundhog news"
68. "gobblers knob"

In case you are wondering which is which, search #15 is the correct spelling of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania where the Groundhog Day event takes place each February 2d.

Every year I keep expecting it to be the last for this charade. To me, it's like the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon, something that transfixed America at one time but is now barely hanging on thanks to a few old people. Once they die, is this a tradition that young people are really going to continue? Pulling a rodent out of a box and and using it as a cover to be wrong more often than not in trying to predict the weather? No please.

P.S. By the way, Phil did see his shadow which means you should take the Giants and the points.

Snail Mail

Dear Bean,

I have an important postal question, and after receiving conflicting information from various devisions of the post office, I decided I would ask the one person who is sure to know, and will also care.  Let me give you a brief history of my situation: 

During filming of UA Films' recent feature, Ray Bradbury’s Chrysalis, in the El Yunque rainforest in Puerto Rico, three *huge* snails climbed into the Panasonic camera bag and managed to live for TWO weeks in our edit bay until we discovered them.   We nursed them back to health with lettuce, mushrooms, and bottled water, and now they are living in a miserable plastic storage container.  I feel bad for these little guys and I desperately want to send them home. However, I do not feel comfortable smuggling them back and do not have the resources to send them via a private flight.  I would like to get them back to the El Yunque rainforest before they become too dependent on me and forget how to forage and ooze on their own.   I do not know if it is a relief, in their estimation, to have the safety and convenience of the entrapment with an endless supply of food, but I can only imagine the beautiful and refreshing rainforest is a preference for any creature, which is why we are desperately trying to avoid a sanctuary. 

Over the past week, I've managed to pull together a campaign to get them back to Puerto Rican rainforest safely, and enlisted the help of PETA activists, The US Department of Forestry and Fish and Wildlife, El Yunque Biologists and Puerto Rican local government involvement.  I am told it is imperative that the snails are returned the general location they originated from, and we definitely have the connections on the receiving end to ensure they are placed properly.  Everyone has been extremely helpful and willing to assist in every way, but no party has the ability to ensure a safe arrival of the snails to Puerto Rico.  The main concern we face now is that simply mailing the snails via USPS, UPS, or Fed-Ex would subject them to the transportation process (which can be freezing temperatures in the airmail cargo) and the same Customs regulations as any other mail item.

Bean, you are the only existing expert on animals, the US Post Office, *and* National Parks and Forests.  I am sure if there is a resolution to be found, you can help us discover it.  We welcome any suggestions or information regarding animal shipment and transportation that could be a feasible solution to this problem. 

Also, since the story has become somewhat of an interest in local and national press, we will be posting updates in the Discussion forum of the new website for Ray Bradbury's Chrysalis, starting with this one.  Please refer your readers to www.chrysalismovie.net  to see updates on the gastropods as the process unfolds.  I would love to be able to write how Bean's Blog was the turning point for the plight of the snails, and will include a link to your blog as well.   Thank you again, Bean, for your compassion and assistance. 


Kindest regards,
Cana

(end of letter, edited for length)

Okay, team, what advice to you have for Cana? How can she get these snails home? Please discuss.

Shhhhhhh......

Hey, it can be exhausting being a dog!

Tater Tot Friday Bonus Bulldog photo today is......Tater Tot!!! Here she is at age 3 months. This photo was taken on her very first day in Washington in 1999.

Godzilla Update: After three nights sleeping apart we put Sophie and 'Zilla in their stall in the barn and told them to work it out. We stayed down there with them for about an hour as she sniped at him and he oinked at her. They are still not sleeping yin and yang like usual but at least they are touching now.