"All Right. Embalming. First I Position The Body On Blocks..."

"First things first. Suiting up. As you can see from the pictures of me, we wear lots of protective gear. The picture doesn't even show the full extent of it. We also have surgical masks that we usually wear to protect our mouths and noses. The suit is essential. Blood, embalming fluid, and other assorted liquids get everywhere. And believe me, the times that I don't wear the face shield are the times that I splash blood on my face (do that once and you definitely wear the face shield for the next embalming).

All right. Embalming. First I position the body on blocks. The head rests on a concave head block. The feet are elevated on a body block. We typically put a body block under the butt and one under the shoulders, as well. The arms get propped up on blocks so that they are crossed on their chest or belly..."

That's an excerpt from an article called My Life As A Mortician written by a  funeral director here in the Pacific Northwest named Annie Forrester.

That's just one of the festive features in the new issue of Girls And Corpses magazine! I'll give you a moment to mentally confirm that today is April 2nd and not the first so this must be real.

Other highlights include an interview with comedian Mr. Deadguy  ("He's Mr. Rogers for maggots") who also sings a song called, It's Always Saturday When You're Dead in his act.   

Want a photo shoot that pushes the legal limits of blood, sex, and gore? Then you want the Satanic Sluts.  Or an artist whose images are all of torture. They call that piece No Pain, No Painting.

Music fan? How about the interview/photo shoot with Mistress Gen, a former organ transplant coordinator whose band's live show included  crucifixions, branding , sewing lips shut and more.  They're called the Genitorturers. And I thought the Wiggles were crazy with those wacky primary color sweaters!

You get the idea. The Lighter Side of Torture, the Wheel Of Misfortune, an article on Cutters, and advice from Dr. Necco Feelya are all included in this issue too.

No please.

Comments

[HeatherMichelle]

Bean, really? There is an article on cnn.com about the sex lives and murderous tendencies of wild octopuses and you blog about this? Usually I am in sync with, and truly appreciate, the eccentric nature of your blog subjects (I went to wikipedia to read more about the hijacking and still look at what the gummi bears are doing everyday) but this morning it was just a bit too much this early in the morning and I had just finished breakfast. Still, I love reading your blog and can't wait until tomorrow morning.

[Raul]

I guess this confirms that there is a fetish for everything

[brother john]

Back in the day, we didn't have magazines to bring blood and gore to our doorsteps in a clean brown wrapper. We had to go out and get our hands dirty, do our own stalking and killing.
Kids today have it too easy.

[Diane]

What is wrong with people.

[trish]

My brother's girlfriend just graduated from mortician school. She is a cute girl and the whole converstaion just stops when she tells people what she does for living. The best part are the gross stories she has shared with us. I think I am going to send her a link to this. She may become a columnist. Bean, you are always such a great source of info.

[db]

dude no...what is wrong with you? This in no way enhances the flavor of my breakfast you bastard!

[Melika]

what a disappointment!! everyday i get my lunch and visit your blog to see what you've posted... corpses and lunch do not go together!
no more pix of dead ppl please... or maybe a warning first.
yuck

[cathy g]

gross.... great way to start my lunch break.

thanks bean.

[your daughter]

yup, not loving this...

[Stacey]

Eewww - TMI, certainly more than I want to know...

[TandJ]

This is why I'm being cremated.
No chemicals being pumped into me
or body parts sewn together.

[LA]

So much hate. Didn't you people watch Six Feet Under?

[Rochelle]

Bean, you might enjoy a book called Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers. Amazon carries it... I've read it - it's really fascinating what happens to bodies "donated to science".

[victor]

when i die i want to be embalmed and buried embalming is cool i'm 27 and i'm dying from brain cancer some one told me that in the mortuary embalming room my body will be naked to head to toes in the embalming room but i don't care when my skinny naked white butt is on a embalming room with a embalming tube in my neck.i'm near death so i dont care.