So I'm at the Safeway store Thursday afternoon and although I drove away satisfied with $71.26 worth of Yummy, I also left with some questions . Fortunately, I had my cellphone camera with me so can just put them out there and forget about it.
1. Look, I get the concept of store brand knockoffs. They're cheaper than the name brand and they taste sort of the same. But do they have to rip off the name of the major label product too? I'd have more respect for this soda if it just were called Safeway Pop and they put on the label, "Comparable to Dr Pepper."
2. Seriously, what's this deal? How can Grape Jelly be so freakin' awesome and Grape Jam be the unholy spawn of Satan? Why do they even make jam? The Oreo Company doesn't sell regular great Oreos but also offer Oreos made of dirt and hair.
3. It took more than 35 years but I finally found something sadder than the Tears Of A Clown.
4. What is it, my Jewish friends? Beer? Barbecue Sauce? Paste?
5. Who are these people? And why do I care if they know each other, much less are Good Friends? And what does that have to do with cereal? My head is puzzled.
Jew here to enlighten you about Malta Goya, it's a spanish product that's a non-alcoholic brew. The people on that Good Friends box are smiling because they're regular (high fiber).
Posted by: Muhlyssa | July 26, 2008 at 05:38 AM
OMG, you have me laughing out loud at 6:30 in the morning with your Smokey Robinson comment! Too funny Bean...and truly, WHAT is UP with Smokey's face?
Posted by: cathy | July 26, 2008 at 06:39 AM
Bean, I have a question. #4--Malta Goya, isn't Goya from Central/South America. Why are you asking the jewish friends what this is??? Confused.
Posted by: Ana | July 26, 2008 at 06:43 AM
Goya is a Puerto Rican food company. I can usually find their products in local spanish markets. I've drank Malta India (also from PR), but never seen it from Goya. I have a hard time describing the flavor - but it is sweet. Of course I could be completely wrong and Geraldo Rivera has created a new product!!
Posted by: DIB | July 26, 2008 at 07:11 AM
The people on the Good Friends box have always kind of creeped me out. When I pass the box at the store I end up looking away. There's something very odd about it.
Posted by: IHeartBean | July 26, 2008 at 09:57 AM
I'm laughing my ass off about your jam/jelly question because it is SOOOO true.
Posted by: EditThis | July 26, 2008 at 10:43 AM
6. Are cashiers required to ask each other "what hours are you working today" as they ignore you when you're in line?
7. Are stores required to give you 50% more plastic bags than you actually need?
and how was the Dr. Skipper?
Posted by: Fred G. | July 26, 2008 at 11:11 AM
I am always put off by people on boxes of food. I find it kind of gross. I'm sure that kashi is delicious, but I can't help but imagine the old man naked rolling around in the cereal before they box it and ship it out.
Posted by: | July 26, 2008 at 02:24 PM
Every time I've seen the Malta Goya, I've always figured it was some sort of malt liquor that some guy invented after looking at too many Goya paintings.
I've never seen grape jam in my life, only jelly. Are there grape preserves out there, too?
As for the Good Friends cereal, I really don't think I'd want to eat a cereal made of good friends. I know food costs are increasing fast, but me thinks it's a little too soon for Soylent Green.
Posted by: Stacey | July 26, 2008 at 05:11 PM
I've been laughing about the Dr. Skipper for years! The one from the 99-cent store has an even worse name (which I can't remember now)
The Smokey Robinson dinner is really good!
Posted by: mary | July 26, 2008 at 06:02 PM
Dear Andy Rooney, please bring back Bean.
Kidding, good entry today.
Posted by: Vic Rattler | July 26, 2008 at 08:01 PM
1. Yeah, I think they have to mimic the title/logo design. Reason: simplicity. I know it's not hard to read "compare to whatever", but a lot of people just want to look and go. I think also they're trying to get a few additional sells off of people that aren't really paying attention when they grab something.
The name /is/ pretty retarded though.
Posted by: | July 27, 2008 at 06:57 PM
I love you, Bean. please come to The Bad Place and let's have some fun in a 99 Cent Store sometime. if you found all this shiz in a Safeway store, oh the possibilities...
As for the jam, I never even knew exactly what the hell it is and I don't care to find out.
Posted by: Suzy | July 28, 2008 at 03:29 AM
They should just go the porn title route and call the soda 'Not Dr. Pepper'
Posted by: Chris Kiefer | July 28, 2008 at 09:33 AM
#4 forget the damm people what about the trio of flakes, TWIGS & granola?
thats tooo much fiber for me. the box makes me wanna crap my pants.
Posted by: karlee | July 28, 2008 at 10:30 AM
Mary, the name of the .99 Dr.Pepper is Dr.Thunder....why??????
Posted by: Briana | July 29, 2008 at 06:20 PM
I've been reading without commenting up to now, but the jam/jelly issue demanded a response. I've been telling my husband and anyone else that will listen that grape jelly is the only way to go and I'm so glad to know someone else out there gets it! Thanks Bean!!!
Posted by: dawn | July 31, 2008 at 10:18 PM
Regarding the Kashi box, any two people in the same house eating that crap better be "Good Friends," 'cause they're gonna be fighting over the toilet all day long. Any cereal that contains "Twigs" is bound to blow your colon half-way to Kingdom come.
Posted by: Leann Donovan | August 08, 2008 at 02:57 PM