Death May Not Be Proud But It Is Honest

I often enjoy reading the newspaper obituaries - I've mentioned that before - and here's why.

People are interesting. Almost all of them. But since I'll never meet most people, obituaries are a way to hear the highlights without spending any time with the actual people. Because people are boring too.

Here's one I missed in the Vallejo Times-Herald, whatever that is, but thanks to blog reader Joe I got a second chance.

"Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008. Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.

"Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.

"There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, goodbye Mom."

Finally! Someone telling it like it is! I'm so over all the obits I read where every single person was a beloved family member and flawless citizen of the world who faced every minute of his final illness with grace and dignity. Someone out there has to have been a real son-of-a-bitch who lived a crappy life and then whined and complained every minute from the time he got sick so that the family was glad he finally croaked. Where are those stories? 

There are an awful lot of folks like Dolores who contributed nothing and will not be missed and it is refreshing to read about.

To enjoy the complete story of how this unusual obituary came to be published last week, click here.

 

  

Comments

[LS]

OMG! I love it!!! I feel like I could say that about a few people in my family--although one of them was elected Mayor in the San Francisco Bay Area so technically he did do something noteworthy even if he is a son of a bitch. But way to go family for telling it like it is! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for ritual and paying respect to the dead, but I think it's important to give voice to situations like this. Never thought I'd be happy to read an obit! thanks Bean.

[Phil]

Bean, I have to wonder, how would YOUR obituary read? Have you ever pondered writing it? I(and most of your blog readers) only know of you from your day job, and what we read about here...hmmm...I'm seeing a future blog!

[Raul]

Wow!!! HAHA a real Eleanor Rigby

[Ana]

Hey Bean, I love the obituaries, too. This is the hall of fame obiturary by far! lol. Awesome!!!

[brother john]

At the risk of being labeled a liar(again) for offering a personal opinion: Vic Rattler seems to be a real son-of-a-bitch who lives a crappy life and then whines and complains every minute. Maybe we'll all get lucky and he'll croak soon.

[db]

somebody is angry-time to let it go people if you can't say anything nice why publish it in the first place? Passive aggressive little weasels

[alisa]

the ultimate last word. i love it.
(and i'm growing fond of brother john)

[cathy g]

i think when my mom passes i may have to cut and paste into this obit!

i saw this a couple of days ago and was cracking up.

[Vic Rattler]

That made my day...
Although, a re-reading of the comment I think was being referenced may be in order. I was calling myself the liar. But hey, nuance not your strong suit, understood. :D

Anyhoo... the thing I intended to post:

De mortuis, nihil nisi bonum

But seriously, thanks for that buddy. Great stuff, hilarious.

[Sunny Days]

That could be my mother-in-law's obit!

[Suzy]

Bean, you speak the truth and this was very refreshing to read. I won't feel as guilty thinking badly about some of the deceased now. if they were a--holes, well, that's how they chose to live their lives... and that's how they'll be remembered!

[Ana]

I showed the article to my BFF's mom and this is her response:
EIGHT KIDS, AND A WIMP OF A HUSBAND---NO WONDER SHE WAS A "BITCH". TO BOOT, SHE WAS PROBABLY A "CATHOLIC" WHO HUNG ON EVERY WORD HER PRIEST SAID. I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT "THAT". PERSONALLY, HER HUBBIE SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR A DIVORCE, AND CUSTODY OF THE KIDS, FOR GODS' SAKE.

[Shae]

That is G D hilarious, but really sad, too. I hope my kids never hate me that much, hopefully I don't die while they are teenagers....

[John E]

Shoot, this isn't "Throw Momma from the Train" - this is "Throw Momma Under the Bus"!!

[Columnist]

I love it too, and oh how it might apply to a member of my family! Totally selfish. I have gone through my head what I might/might not say at his funeral, but if I had the guts it would be along these lines. I'll probably end up not saying anything on the back of "if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything".

[Rochelle]

From a quote inside a book I'm currently reading: "If you haven't anything nice to say, come sit by me."

The book is "Can't you get along with anyone?" by Allan Weisbecker (of In Search of Captain Zero/Miami Vice screenwriter fame)

I tell people what my mom did to my sisters and they tell me to stop talking; it's too much to process. She died when I was 15, and I felt spared. How do you communicate something like that to people who had good and loving moms?