Strongly Worded Letter

A Sad Postscript

P.S. After several months of declining health, some of which I have chronicled here in earlier posts, our beloved cow Betsy decided to stop fighting back on Thursday.

She was only with us for a little more than four years but we loved her as if we had raised her from a calf. And even though we knew she was quite elderly when we took her in, we still always hoped we would get even more time with her.

I honestly expected yesterday's post would be my last for this cycle of StronglyWordedLetter.com but so many of you expressed well wishes for Betsy this summer that I felt I owed you this update. I'm sorry it is not better news.

When our dear friend Christine was visiting us over the 4th of July weekend she took this photograph down by the barn. I was not aware that she was even taking the picture but I vividly remember the conversation I was having with Betsy at the time. It was one Donna and I had often with her in recent months. We always told her that we loved her very much. We also told her that it was up to her when she wanted to go but we would do everything we could to keep her alive and comfortable until she was ready. Thursday she was ready. We will miss her so much.

End Of Season Two

Today's post will be the final one of StronglyWordedletter.com's second season. I want to thank you for your terrific support of this - let's be honest - retarded little blog.  I especially am grateful for the many of you who took the time to leave comments on some posts. That really increased the entertainment value of this project for me and I know it did for other readers too.

Since today's temporary farewell ends on a Friday I couldn't leave without one more look at Tater Tot, right? Here are a few shots from a wonderful afternoon in the front yard with the best dog in the world and the best wife in the world too. I want to thank them both for allowing this daily writing distraction over the past eleven months.

And for the last Tater Tot Friday, here's something completely different too. I am posting video of her for the first time. I hope she makes you happy just looking at her!

Thanks again and I hope we will be reading or writing each other again sometime in the future. Feel free to leave a comment with a link to your own blog in case others are looking for something new to read each day.

Oh, for the fraction of you that visit ChristmasMusicEveryday.com, there will be no changes on that blog at this time.

Best Wishes,

Bean

What The Hell Is A Cake Wreck?

Thank you to blog reader Maria who tipped me off to a blog called Cake Wrecks. It is apparently the site you have been waiting for to read about "when professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong."

Cake disasters are chronicled in many categories, like Harsh Reality, Sweet Messenger:

The next category is Why Are The Children Screaming? with the additional commentary of " I don't get it - we just brought out the cakes, and poof! Mass hysteria!"

The Celebrity Wrecks entry includes Hulk & Linda Hogan being so "greatful" for their son Nick, the one who is in jail for killing that dude.

Little Bindi Irwin had a picture of her dead father, the Crocodile Hunter, to spend her tenth birthday with.

And Michael Jackson was a cake wreck before he was a train wreck. Here's the cake for his sixteenth birthday party.

And I think my favorite, captioned with I Believe The Children Are The Future, is Li'l Derrick's cake for his 4th birthday. Nothing says being four like Grand Theft Auto and gangstas with guns.

Enjoy the rest of the blog, here!

The Naked City (NSFW, Sort Of)

I have been reading through the excellent Lonely Planet travel book on Finland this week in preparation for my trip Friday. Mostly, I will be winging it out on the highway but it will be nice to know something about the nearby towns to help me decide which road to take sometimes.

The internets have been helpful too and I came across an interesting page that only briefly mentions Helsinki. It is a picture page of some of the curious public art photos of Spencer Tunick.

I didn't know his name but have certainly heard about the man who has been traveling the world for more than twenty years taking pictures of dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of nude people.

Here are just a few of them, starting with Santiago, Chile.

Now London, England, not that you can tell.

Melbourne, Australia.

And Central Park, New York City, USA.

I like boobies as much as the next guy - more, if the next guy is Ryan Seacrest -  but these photos do not particularly speak to me at all. They are sort of interesting I guess but not really seem to be more effort than they are worth.

Here is the link to see more and some final thoughts from Mr. Tunick.

""A body is a living entity. It represents life, freedom, sensuality, and it is a mechanism to carry out our thoughts. A body is always beautiful to me. It depends on the individual work and what I do with it and what kind of idea lies behind it - if age matters or not. But in my group works, the only difference is how far people can go if it rains, snows etc.”

My Favorite Indian

You know how it is with those big budget epic historical movies. They come out and we all ooh and aah at the cast of thousands, the period costumes and scenery, and the running time of three hours or more. If it's long it has to be good, right? That'swhatshesaid!

Then come all the Oscars the picture inevitably wins because it is "important" and then comes the backlash and then those movies usually disappear to never be seen again. When you come across them on the TV years later you think, "Well, that was a good movie but I don't have that kind of time to invest in it again today."

What you would find if you did watch them again is that some of them hold up pretty well but some of them really suck. Titanic? Still great. Chariots Of Fire? Booooooooring. Amadeus? Awesome. The English Patient? Unwatchable. Some of the epics I never saw at the time and still haven't seen include Braveheart and Dances With Wolves so I don't know how they've held up. I suspect the Lord Of The Rings trilogy will be fine.

Recently Donna and I decided to invest 195 minutes in Gandhi, which was playing on AMC. Tip to old movie fans: Always watch them on the commercial-free channels. If Ghandi were on TBS it would have been five hours long.

For the youngsters in the blogosphere, Mohandas Gandhi was the spiritual leader of India who promoted civil disobedience to effect change in his country and elsewhere in the world. He fought racism, poverty, and against the British crown for Indian independence. So, of course, he was assassinated in 1948.

Director Richard Attenborough chose a virtual unknown for the title role, an Englishman of Indian heritage named Ben Kingsley. Both men won Academy Awards for their work. According to the AMC intro to the film, Dustin Hoffman and Anthony Hopkins were both considered to play Gandhi too. Fail!

I was really surprised while watching the movie unspool how many other notable actors are in the movie that I didn't even remember being in it.

Do you recall that Gandhi is also a Martin Sheen movie? And Candice Bergen. John Gielgud. Plus Nigel Hawthorne many years before The Madness Of King George. Do you remember a young Daniel Day-Lewis as a street thug? How about Cheers' favorite mailman  John Ratzenberger driving a jeep? 

It's always fun to see actors you now know in movies that came out before you knew them. I still can't get over that Seth Rogan is one of the high school kids beating up Donnie Darko in that film. Good times.

The Finnish Line

Like most, many, some folks I have a wish list in my head of countries around the world I hope to visit one day. There's always the question of getting the time off from work, not being committed to other projects at that time, and having the money to travel to and enough days to properly see the places you want to experience.

Last September I was lucky enough to see Italy and Monaco for the first time. I still haven't made it to Australia and New Zealand though. I want to see Japan, Russia and more of Alaska than I already have. India is at the top of my list but I want to wait until I've got about a month to attempt that one.

I am particularly drawn to the Scandinavian nations and have spent part of both a summer and a winter in Norway, one of my favorite places on Earth. The most fun vacation I ever took alone was my week in Iceland and I wouldn't mind getting back there either.

Next up for me though is Finland. In fact, I almost can't believe I leave for there on Friday night. I have about ten days to spend in country and plan to spend the first couple of full days and nights in Helsinki, a modern European capital of more than 500,000 residents.

After that I plan to hit the road and drive northward into the Arctic Circle and beyond. I have a rough idea of a few things I want to see, like the Sami reindeer herders and of course, Korvatunturi, the birthplace of Joulupikki, the Finnish name for Santa Claus. I hope to get really lucky and see some early Northern Lights too.

But here's where I need your help, dear readers. I know collectively you guys have been everywhere so I need to hear about Finland. Where else do I need to go? What else do I need to do, besides the obvious sauna with their Olympic women's volleyball team?

Thanks in advance for your advice and suggestions.

It's funny .... here is one of photos I found while poking around on some Finland sites. It's Lake Saimma in the eastern part of the country. Apparently I'm traveling thousands of miles to go to a place that looks almost exactly like Washington State's own Puget Sound!

 

Us Vs. Them

I've written before about the awesome website HowManyFiveYearOldsCanYouTakeInAFight.com.

On a related tip comes this extremely useful article from Cracked.com with advice on How To Win A Fight Against Twenty Children! From their page:

"I’m not going to ask why you’re fighting twenty children. That’s your own business, although most reasons are as old as time itself:

1) They started it.
2) You flipped over the table while losing a Magic: The Gathering game, and damaged several rare cards.
3) They stole your woman.
4) You stole their woman.
5) You’ve had enough of their bullsh**.

Whether you’re a good man who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or a dangerous maniac, we here at Cracked want to help. That’s why we’ve consulted with the experts (who did not wish to be named) on how to maximize your odds of winning a fight against twenty children. Follow these guidelines, and your opponents will wish they were never born 6 or 7 years ago..."

Read the whole piece here and do it soon, before you get attacked by those little bastards.... 

The Wings (And More) Of The Dove

Last night we watched  the movie adaptation of Henry James' The Wings Of A Dove on DVD thanks to Netflix. It stars one of Donna's favorite actors, Linus Roache, and one of her least favorite, Helena Bonham Carter, who got an Oscar nomination for the role.

I had never seen it before but if you like those other movies from the 1990s about the love lives and money obsession of upper-class British folks - like Sense And Sensibilty and Howard's End - then you'll enjoy it fine.  

In an unusual coincidence,  yesterday I also read the USA Today story about the new book called Superdove by Courtney Humphries. It's a book all about, no kidding, pigeons. From the article:

"The book's title refers to the fact that the words 'pigeon' and dove' were once used interchangeably....

Dove, she notes, is equated with peace and used as a name for chocolate bars and soap. Pigeon has no marketing appeal. Woody Allen dismissed them as 'rats with wings' in his 1980 movie Stardust Memories.

By way of defending pigeons, Humphries says, "rats are really smart and fascinating animals. These judgments we make about 'pests' are all about context. Pigeons annoy people because they're not easily controlled, and we love to be able to control our environment. It doesn't mean they're inherently bad or unworthy of appreciation."

Let me add an Amen to that, sister!  So many of the feelings humans have about animals, from pigs to spiders to chickens and beyond, are rooted in our own ignorance or customs and often have very little to do with the creature itself.

Superdove is a book I won't read but I enjoyed seeing some of the facts about pigeons in the newspaper piece. Here are three:

"Most feral pigeons live only a year or two. Domestic pigeons can live into their teens."

"Pigeons won't fly at night; their night vision is worse than that of humans."

"At its peak during World War II, the U.S. Pigeon Corps had 3,000 enlisted men, 150 officers, and 54,000 pigeons."        

If you do happen to read it, let me know where the term pigeonhole came from, won't you?

Another Reason Why Fridays Rule

It's Tater Tot Friday!!! I can't decide if Tater looks more like E.T. getting ready for a bike ride or Obi-Wan Kenobi just before surrendering to Darth Vader. Either way, she looks like a movie star!

Tater Tot Friday Bonus Bulldog!!! I'm a little late getting to this one but a belated Happy First Birthday to adorable little Lulu who reached that milestone back in late June. Thanks to blog reader Kelly for the announcement and the party photo.

Hope your weekend is worth celebrating too!

Death May Not Be Proud But It Is Honest

I often enjoy reading the newspaper obituaries - I've mentioned that before - and here's why.

People are interesting. Almost all of them. But since I'll never meet most people, obituaries are a way to hear the highlights without spending any time with the actual people. Because people are boring too.

Here's one I missed in the Vallejo Times-Herald, whatever that is, but thanks to blog reader Joe I got a second chance.

"Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008. Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.

"Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.

"There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, goodbye Mom."

Finally! Someone telling it like it is! I'm so over all the obits I read where every single person was a beloved family member and flawless citizen of the world who faced every minute of his final illness with grace and dignity. Someone out there has to have been a real son-of-a-bitch who lived a crappy life and then whined and complained every minute from the time he got sick so that the family was glad he finally croaked. Where are those stories? 

There are an awful lot of folks like Dolores who contributed nothing and will not be missed and it is refreshing to read about.

To enjoy the complete story of how this unusual obituary came to be published last week, click here.

 

  

Take A Picture, It'll Last Longer

Alfred Eisenstadt was perhaps the most famous photographer of the 20th century. No one reading this has not seen his most famous photograph, shown here.

Here's is what the master said about that fateful day where luck and preparation collided.

"In Times Square on V.J. Day, I saw a sailor running along the street grabbing every girl in sight. I was running ahead of him with my Leica looking back over my shoulder. Then suddenly, in a flash, I saw something white being grabbed. I turned around and clicked the moment the sailor kissed the nurse...I took exactly four pictures. It was done within a few seconds."

There are several other notable pictures from the hundreds Mr. Eisenstadt took in the decades he worked for LIFE magazine.

Here are some children watching the story of "St George and the dragon as the a puppet theater in Paris,1963.

"It took a long time to get the angle I liked, but the best picture is the one I took at the climax of the action. It carries all the excitement of the children screaming,"The dragon is slain!" Very often this sort of thing is only a momentary vision, my brain does not register, only my eyes and finger react. Click."

Headwaiter Rene Breguet brings aperitifs to English guests at the skating rink of the Grand Hotel, Saint-Moritz, 1932.

Though I have alway admired his work, I never got to meet Alfred Eisenstadt. He passed way in 1995 but I do count one of his photographs among our most cherished possessions. Last year we were fortunate enough to be able to acquire a signed copy of his magnificent Premiere At La Scala, 1934. It is my favorite of his pictures and made visiting the famous opera house last year in Milan all the more special.

"In Italy, I photographed a gala evening at La Scala. This was one of my first pictures with a Leica on a tripod. Suddenly I saw a lovely young society girl sitting next to an empty box. From that box I took this picture, with the girl in the foreground... Without the girl I would not have had a memorable picture."

To see many more of Mr. Eisenstadt's pictures, click here.

A Large Question

Hey Bean,

   I have something for you to hop up on your soap box about:  Target drink sizes.  I was at Target this weekend and went to the in store food service counter and ordered a soda,

The Target employee said:  "Small or medium?"

I looked at him funny I guess because he repeated:  "Do you want a small or medium?" 

I said:  "Don't you mean small or large?"  

He said: "No, small or medium"

I said: "Oh so you are out of large cups?

He said:  "No, we don't have large, just SMALL OR MEDIUM!!!!!" 

Needless to say, I did not try to educate him on the concept of both large and small being present in order for medium to exist, but I would LOVE if you took this up as one of your issues! 

Thanks Bean!

No, thanks to you, Colleen, for your excellent letter. I have fought the same battle myself and always lost. It makes no logical sense whatsoever.

If the reason they don't want to call a medium a large is because they don't want consumers to think it is as big as large drinks are at similar stores then they could rename theirs bigger and smaller. But I agree with you that small and medium needs a base line to be meaningful. Small or medium compared to what?

This reminds me so much of a conversation I had recently with a co-worker who has a "hot chick" scale with no 10. I say his 7s and 8s are not really 7s and 8s unless those numbers represent a relationship to a 1 -10 scale. In other words, if, say, Megan Fox is "only" a 9 but you have no 10s then Megan Fox has to be a 10 on your scale.

I welcome other readers to weigh in on any aspect of either point.

Fool Me Once.....

Here are the first four paragraphs of a story of great interest to me I found this week on AdWeek.com:

The company that manufactures Airborne, described as a dietary supplement whose vitamins and minerals help support the immune system, has settled its case with the Federal Trade Commission over the advertising and labeling of its products.

According to the FTC, Airborne, Bonita Springs, Fla., "Has agreed to pay up to $30 million to settle Federal Trade Commission charges that it did not have adequate evidence to support its advertising claims in which its effervescent tablet was marketed as a cold prevention and treatment remedy."

Airborne has denied wrongdoing or illegal conduct, but reached an agreement with the FTC and agreed to settle a class action lawsuit "to avoid continued expense and distraction from management of the business," according to a statement released by the company.

The FTC's complaint stated that there was "no competent and reliable scientific evidence to support the claims made by the [company] that Airborne tablets can prevent or reduce the risk of colds, sickness, or infection; protect against or help fight germs; reduce the severity or duration of a cold; and protect against colds, sickness, or infection in crowded places such as airplanes, offices or schools."

Me again. Now I have a tough decision to make. Do I....

A) Convince myself that Airborne works as advertised but they got busted by the Feds because the company didn't have the proper scientific research to prove their claims?

or B) Accept that the product doesn't work and that millions of us who swear by it, and have much anecdotal evidence to support our strong faith in its effectiveness, are just victims of a placebo effect?

Can it really be all in my head? Here's all I know. Before Airborne: scratchy sore throat every time I traveled. After Airborne: healthiest man getting off the plane. Am i a sucker?

Number Nine ... Number Nine .... Number Nine

I've mentioned before how much I enjoy listening to rebroadcasts each weekend of the American Top 40 radio shows from the 1970s and 1980s that are now syndicated across the country.

Last weekend was Casey's countdown of the hits from that same week in August 1971 and I was surprised to notice the astonishing staying power of that Top Ten some 37 years later. By my count, nine of the top ten songs from that week are still regularly played on rock and oldies stations today. Wow. 

Here they are.

10. Mercy Mercy Me                           Marvin Gaye

 8. Beginnings                                      Chicago
 7. It’s Too Late                                   Carole King
 6. Take Me Home Country Roads         John Denver
 5. Draggin’ The Line                            Tommy James
 4. Mr. Big Stuff                                   Jean Knight
 3. You’ve Got A Friend                        James Taylor
 2. Indian Reservation                           The Raiders
 1. How Can You Mend A Broken Heart   Bee Gees

The one song that doesn't get much airplay anymore was the novelty song at #9 that had been put together by a popular radio disc jockey named Tom Clay. Moved by the turmoil Americans had been hearing every night on the news - race riots, assassinations, Vietnam - he decided to promote love and tolerance on his 45. Clay recorded a medley of two recent popular songs, then edited in interviews he conducted with some children and added audio from the news.

What The World Needs Now/Abraham, Martin & John peaked the following week at #8 and here it is, courtesy of Casey Kasem. Please enjoy.

P.S. Oooooooh, no winner yesterday but thanks for playing. I am not kidding you when I report her name was Breeyaunauh.

Black People Are Funny

Our African- American friends and families can be - shall we say - "creative" when it comes to naming their chilluns.

Here are some real life names of actual people who actually live on Earth right now:

Timnesia. Keleesha. Qwiyya. Naheim. Emani. Omani. Amani. Davoni. Tyasia. Queeta. Shoneeta. Natayah. Demyah. Diavon. Iverllizz. Qymir. Aniyah. And baby girl Cazmere.

Those are all great but my favorites are the more common names that are tweaked to make the baby seem more unique or something. My black friend Uniqua told me that. Take a "boring" name like Jasmine but spell it Jazmeen. Why be Michael when you can be Mychel?

That brings me to your chance to win something in our first ever StronglyWordedLetter.com contest!!

Thursday I went to the movies and the pretty young sista who sold me my ticket should have been named Brianna. But she wasn't. Her parent(s) put an extraordinary amount of thought into how to turn that regular name into something special. Your job: Guess what they came up with. I saw it with my own eyes on her name tag as she took my $8.00 (It was a matinee.)

One guess per person please. First correct answer wins something from the Bean Store, worth ten dollars or less.

Check the comments section below to see what others have guessed before you take a stab at it. I will post there myself once we have a winner or if no one gets it I will reveal the correct spelling here tomorrow. Have fun. Be creative and stay black.

    

Give Her The Gold Medal For Cute

Ears back, tongue out. Little dogs with smooshed noses spend a lot of their summer like that and Tater Tot is no exception.  Here she is trying to cool down while sitting in front of a table fan in today's Tater Tot Friday photo!

Bonus Celebrity Bulldog! Yesterday we talked some about Michael Phelps, the Beijing Olympics Swimming Wonder Boy. Today let's turn the spotlight on Michael's best friend, an English Bulldog named Herman.

Thanks to blog reader Molly for the link. Weekends are made for sitting on the couch with your dog and watching TV!! Hope you get to do the same....

Bean, Olympian?

Like most Americans, Donna and I were talking about Michael Phelps last night. I asked how many endorsement contracts the Golden Boy of the Olympics will be signing when he returns home from China. Her answer? All of them! I have to agree with her.

But not so fast, Mad Men! Michael Phelps and I have a great deal in common and I am far, far cheaper to hire as your pitchmen. True, I am not much of a swimmer and have not even won one gold medal - much less a dozen - but we are practically twins when it comes to training. 

At least the eating part. The New York Post just broke down what Phelps (and I) eat every day during these Olympic Summer Games.

"Swimming sensation Michael Phelps has an Olympic recipe for success - and it involves eating a staggering 12,000 calories a day.

"Eat, sleep and swim. That's all I can do," Phelps told NBC when asked what he needs to win medals. "Get some calories into my system and try to recover the best I can."

By comparison, the average man of the same age needs to ingest about 2,000 calories a day.

Phelps, 23, will swim 17 times over nine days of competition at the Beijing Games - meaning that he will need all the calories he can shovel in his mouth in order to keep his energy levels high.

Phelps' diet - which involves ingesting 4,000 calories every time he sits down for a meal - resembles that of a reckless overeater rather than an Olympian.

Phelps lends a new spin to the phrase 'Breakfast of Champions' by starting off his day by eating three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise.

He follows that up with two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes.

At lunch, Phelps gobbles up a pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches slathered with mayo on white bread - capping off the meal by chugging about 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

For dinner, Phelps really loads up on the carbs - what he needs to give him plenty of energy for his five-hours-a-day, six-days-a-week regimen - with a pound of pasta and an entire pizza. He
washes all that down with another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks."

Me too! And by-the-way, I have that same body that Michael is forcing you to look at above. I just don't feel the need to walk around on TV all day with no shirt on. Sheesh, what a show-off!

Only 20 To Go!!!

I don't know who Marc and Angel are but their blog got my attention this week with their list of 30 Books Everyone Should Read Before their 30th Birthday.

They don't say why 30 books or why it matters that they be read by age 30 but here's what they do say:

"The Web is grand.  With its fame for hosting informative, easy-to-skim textual snippets and collaborative written works, people are spending more and more time reading online.  Nevertheless, the Web cannot replace the authoritative transmissions from certain classic books that have delivered (or will deliver) profound ideas around the globe for generations. The 30 books listed here are of unparalleled prose, packed with wisdom capable of igniting a new understanding of the world."

Since the accident I can barely remember where I've lived much less what books I've read but here are the ones on their list that I am certain I finished once upon a time.

1984 by George Orwell. I keep expecting the part about the Ministry Of Truth and the Thought Police to be announced for real any day now.

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. The book was great, the movie even better.

War And Peace by Leo Tolstoy. But I can't remember who won.

One Hundred Years Of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez. I don't remember why I read it. It's not usually my sort of thing. God, I hope it wasn't because Oprah suggested it.

The Origin Of The Species by Charles Darwin. Yet all I remember is that the ship was called The HMS Beagle. And that 'survival of the fittest' thing.

The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. Read it the same month I read his other classic Blink. They are both so illuminating about how people think.

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger. I was never as screwed up as that kid.

Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Made me want to live outside, if I recall.

The Republic by Plato. Old-school smart guy.

The Grapes Of Wrath by John Steinbeck. So sad yet so uplifting. And the movie? One of my ten favorites ever maybe.

Crime And Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Maybe the best book I remember. This one I read several times over the years.

Link to complete list here. What's the essential book you think they missed?

I Am Rich

Apple's Steve Jobs (or just God, to many of us) told the Wall Street Journal this week that more than 60 million iPhone applications have been downloaded from the company's website so far in about the one month that they have been available.

At this pace the company stands to bank at least 360 million dollars a year in new revenue from the AppStore. Jobs expects it to be a billion dollar marketplace one day adding, "I've never seen anything like this in my career for software."

Let me back up a step for non-Apple people which, inexplicably is most of you.

You've seen or heard of the iPhone, right? Well, an Apple App is a program you download that lives on your phone's desktop. It's like having a bunch of little internets on your phone working all at the same time.

So you can have, say, the USA Today news stories delivered continuously on your phone, or a permanent Soduku game at your fingertips, or an eBook reader loaded with all seven Harry Potter books if you want.

There are hundreds of applications, some made by Apple but many offered by third parties. Some are free, some are a dollar, some quite a bit more.

So far the most notorious App is one that Apple allowed, then deleted from availability after only eight sales. Here's the curious story, edited from something called www.CRN.com (links within the story are theirs.)

"Earlier this week the I Am Rich application went up, commanding a $999.99 price tag, the most a developer can charge through Apple's App Store. The program essentially loads a screen saver onto the Apple iPhone to remind users and alert others that the user has money to throw around willy-nilly. The 'status symbol,' once downloaded, does nothing but load a ruby red icon on the home screen, with the subtext  I Am Rich. When the user activates the program, a large, glowing red gem appears. That's all.

When I Am Rich first appeared in the App Store on Tuesday, the applications information page on iTunes read like this: "The red icon on your iPhone or iPod Touch always reminds you (and others when you show it to them) that you were rich enough to afford this. It's a work of art with no hidden function at all."

Apple introduced the App Store last month to coincide with the release of the Apple iPhone 3G. The App Store is designed to let iPhone users download third-party applications and lets developers sell the applications they've created.

As of Friday, the I Am Rich application was no longer available in the App Store, much to the chagrin of Armin Heinrich, I Am Rich's developer.

'I have no idea why they did it and am not aware of any violation of the rules to sell software on the App Store,' Heinrich told the Los Angeles Times in an e-mail.

The Times, however, said Apple was too slow to remove the high-dollar application. Eight people —six from the U.S., one from Germany and one from France— shelled out the dough for I Am Rich within the first 24 hours it was available.

Posts on several public forums and Web pages, however, call into question the validity of those purchases. In one instance, a screen shot of an App Store review, which has been circulating the Web, shows that one user mistakenly dropped the $1,000 for I Am Rich thinking it was a joke.

"I saw this app with a few friends and we jokingly clicked 'buy' thinking it was a joke, to see what would happen," the upset I Am Rich owner wrote. "THIS IS NO JOKE. DO NOT BUY THIS APP AND APPLE PLEASE REMOVE THIS FROM THE APP STORE."

The Black Death

I wasn't going to devote a blog post to comedian Bernie Mac's sad and untimely death this weekend but it was not because I did not admire him greatly - I did. But as is so often the case, I know there are many others who will do a far better job of eulogizing him elsewhere. My friend Frank wrote a personal tribute on his blog yesterday including links to some nice write-ups from Mac's hometown newspaper, the Chicago Tribune.

Then came word that Oscar and Grammy-winning soul legend Isaac Hayes had also passed away. Depending on your age you might know him best for his 1960s music career as a songwriter and performer in the Stax Records stable or his 1970s successes as a popular soul singer or his more recent work as the voice of Chef on the popular cartoon South Park.

I'm sure many people will seek out actor Samuel L. Jackson for comment about working with both Mac and Hayes recently on a film named Soul Men, due for release November 14th.

One Of These Is Not Like The Others.....

Some will joke that Jackson should immediately lie down somewhere safe in his house and not leave until the Summer of Death is over. I'm not worried about him and have never bought into the dumb theory that celebrity deaths happen in threes. We just count them that way.

Actor Morgan Freeman already dodged the Grim Reaper this week by surviving a serious auto accident so I guess it wasn't his time. But just in case there is going to be another black celebrity joining the All-Heaven Squad soon, here are my more likely picks.

1. Harry Belafonte
2. Aretha Franklin
3. Mohammad Ali

Strongly Worded Letter #11

Mr. Rod Arquette
Program Director
KIRO Radio
1820 Eastlake Avenue East
Seattle, Wa

Dear Mr. Arquette,

     Please accept my suggestion in the spirit in which it is offered - a sincere effort to improve your on-air broadcast product.
     Many of your news anchors seem to misuse some common terms to describe the weather. Just this morning I heard someone in your newsroom glumly describing the  "partly cloudy" morning but perk up at the forecast that later today would improve to "partly sunny."
     Is he not hearing what he is saying? If it is only "partly cloudy" in the morning then it is actually mostly sunny. And his excitement over the "partly sunny" weather coming later should be tempered by an understanding that he means it will be mostly cloudy.    
     This bad media habit of sometimes saying the opposite of what is meant reminds me of the exasperating expression used to describe two airplanes that fly too closely to each other. The reporter often refers to this near hit as a "near miss."
     Old business: I wrote to your predecessor last year requesting that your news anchors stop referring to "warmer" and "colder" temperatures as well. Since a temperature is a number used to describe the weather, it can only be higher or lower. Weather can certainly be warmer or colder though and that certainly makes more sense. I'm revisiting the point in this letter because the error still occurs on 710 KIRO several times a day.
     Thank you for your time in reading this note and my best wishes to you and your staff,

End Of The World, Momentarily Postponed

There are more than a few people around the world who breathed a sigh of relief yesterday to learn that a scientific experiment planned in Geneva, Switzerland will now actually happen September 10.

The Large Hadron Collider is a new particle accelerator and the world's largest.  So on that date next month scientists will "make the first attempt to circulate a beam of protons around a 17-mile-long super-cooled underground racetrack."

The collider, 14 years and $8 billion in the making, has been built to smash together protons that have been accelerated to energies of 7 trillion electron volts, and examine the remains for clues to the origin of mass and new forces and particles in the universe." (New York Times)

Why were there people who cared so much about this complex experiment? Because of the possibility, admittedly remote, of that this doomsday machine will really be a black hole factory and that a stray one could "devour our planet whole. Black holes possess gravitational fields so strong that nothing can escape them, even light." (LiveScience.com)

So, planetary annihilation has been put on low heat for now but I'm going to be keeping tabs on what happens next, that's for sure.

The experiment hopes to answer many questions about the Big Bang Theory that some believe formed our universe, why there is more matter than anti-matter in space and more.  Just Google "Hadron Collider" and pick your news source.

One fascinating group of Collider photos can be found on Slashdot.com and I want to share a few here. In case you care to see the face of your new Master. 

 

Oh, The Weather Outside Is Frightful...

Here's something a little out of season for today's Tater Tot Friday photo. And here's why: I don't know about where you live but it has been brutally hot in Seattle this week. I'm talking north of ninety degrees with unusually high humidity in a town where very few of us have air conditioning. No please.

So Donna went to the Tot Archives, where she works as a curator, and found this action shot from one morning last winter. Tater loves playing in the snow so much and just looking at her makes it feel a few degrees cooler here today.

Tater Tot Friday Bonus Bulldog! Thanks to Heather, the first of several readers who sent me word of Napoleon, the Hero Bulldog. Here's the story from a terrific English Bulldog website called BulldogAbbie.com.

"English Bulldogs are notoriously bad swimmers. With a giant head and chest compared to a lighter tail end, they have a tendency to go bottoms up in the water. It’s hard to keep that head up above the waves when it’s the largest part of your body!

Most owners are very aware of this problem, and will take care to see that their dogs have a good life vest on if they’re going to be boating or there’s a chance the bulldog could end up in some deep water without someone right at hand to save them if they look like they’re starting to struggle.

Because of the breeds history of poor swimming ability, this morning’s news came as a bit of a shock to me! Napoleon, an obedient and well behaved two year old white English Bulldog in Michigan abruptly left his master’s side yesterday and raced out across a road and into a nearby lake.

Napoleon’s owner met him in the driveway as the bulldog came back up out of the lake dragging something in his mouth. It looked like a burlap sack, and Napoleon appeared determined to drag it up from the shore and back to his master’s side.

It was then that Napoleon’s owner heard the meowing and realized that there were abandoned kittens inside the bag! Six kittens in total, although two of them didn’t survive and the remaining four were in bad shape. Napoleon’s mom cared for the survivor’s for the next two weeks until they could be taken in to the city pet adoption center and found new homes.

Napoleon got a much deserved hero’s welcome at the adoption center as crowds gathered to praise the brave bulldog and cuddle the rescued kittens."

I have not seen any follow up on the bastard that threw the kittens into the lake but hope Napoleon gets to use him as a chew toy somewhere down the road. Happy weekend, y'all!

But Hu Is The President Of China?

I would say I am "moderately" interested in the 2008 Summer Olympics from Beijing. I haven't heard much buzz in my crowd but am guessing it would not be difficult to find friends who are more eager for tomorrow's big day to arrive and also easy to find some who have even less interest than I.

With almost non-stop TV coverage on NBC for the next two weeks-plus, it will be tough to see everything. The time difference certainly works against convenient prime time broadcasts here in the U.S. and each year that we get deeper into the 21st century it is becomes less acceptable to air sporting events on a delay of several hours.  Sorry, the internet doesn't care what time it is.

One thing I do like about the Olympics every two years is the virtual guarantee that someone I have never heard of today on the eve of the Games will do something that will amaze or inspire or maybe even crush me before the closing ceremony. 

Looking past the LeBron James-Michael Phelps-Tyson Gay-type star athletes I will already be watching, here are 5 other Olympians whose stories make me want to search out their events too.

1. Jake Deitchler, just the third high school wrestler to make an Olympic team. He graduated from Anoka (Minnesota) High School in April, finishing with an 111-match unbeaten streak. What was I doing 4 months out of high school? Planning on getting around to filling out that McDonald's application probably.

2.  Natalie Du Toit, on the South African swimming team, is an amputee. She lost her left leg below the knee in an auto accident. And she swims without a prosthetic limb. Hmmm....seems like a disadvantage to be down a flipper.

3. Dara Torres, the first U.S. swimmer to qualify for - wait for it - five Olympic teams. She set two American records in the 50 freestyle during the U.S. trials. Did I mention she is 41 years old? And kinda hot?

4. Eric Shanteu, on the U.S. swim team, diagnosed with testicular cancer in June and has been undergoing treatment. No word on whether he got the Lance Armstrong surgery. I'm guessing not or he would only swim in circles.

5. Amnat Ruenroeng, released from a Thai prison last year after serving less than two years of a fifteen year prison sentence for burglary. Authorities commuted his sentence after he unexpectedly won the nation's light flyweight boxing crown. I need to find out how he was able to enter the tournament from jail.

Opening Ceremonies air (tape delayed) here on the West Coast at 7:30 tomorrow night. 

"Garfield" And "Good" In The Same Sentence?

The Garfield comic strip is one of the worst, least funny cartoons ever published. If you are the type of person that disagrees with that, then you are not likely to be reading this blog or anything else that strives for humor.

That evil creator Jim Davis can make a living off his stupid cat who likes stupid lasagna is a mystery. That Garfield is the most widely syndicated newspaper comic in the world is an indictment of humankind.

So I'm not a fan. That's why i am so excited about this new site with an ingenious way to make Garfield funny. And interesting. And thought-provoking. And all the other things it never usually is besides sucky. Take out the Garfield!

"Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb."

Here are a few to show you the magic. A new comic is added daily at the site! Please enjoy.

You Do Not Want To See This

I didn't notice it. I didn't care about it. I probably would have never even thought twice about it. But Donna insisted I one day ask a doctor what the hell was going on with my freaky belly button.

Mine is not strictly an outie like I've seen on other people and it is certainly nowhere near an innie. So what is it?

I was in a medical office a couple of weeks ago on an unrelated matter and decided to ask. Dr. WhiteCoat poked his finger in my stomach knot and then licked it. Okay, he didn't lick it. i made that up. But he did very casually remark, "Oh, you have a herniated navel."

I went to the Wiki and here is the gist of a herniated navel:

"Umbilical hernia is a congenital malformation, especially common in infants of African descent, and more frequent in boys. (Ed. note: Check and check.)

A hernia is present at the site of the umbilicus (commonly called a navel, or belly button) in the newborn; although sometimes quite large, these hernias tend to resolve without any treatment by around the age of 5 years. 

Babies are prone to this malformation because of the process during fetal development by which the abdominal organs form outside the abdominal cavity, later returning into it through an opening which will become the umbilicus."

I had to read that twice but I think I got it. Body stuff that formed on the outside was supposed to go through my belly button to live on the inside for the rest of my life. Not all of it made it through. What's left is what I see.

The doctor mentioned I could have a procedure to "fix" it. Look, if I'm not going to have surgery on this face i am certainly not going to have it for my belly button.

I warned you in the very headline of this post that you do not want to see this.  Remember that? Then why are you even thinking of clicking here?  Don't do it!  And if you ignore my advice, the complaint desk is closed. We have lint to manage.

Humorous Today Words Internet

Hollywood Gets Lost In Translation was the headline of a very entertaining piece in Friday's USA Today. It was all about new titles American movies often get when they play in foreign markets.

For instance, Get Smart might not mean anything in countries where the TV show never aired, So in France it was called Max The Menace, in Italy it was Agent Smart: Casino Totale, in Taiwan Is The Spy Capable Or Not? and in China, simply Confused Spy.

There were numerous examples given in the article along with reasons for the translation, ranging from "it just sounds better in that language" to "it provides a hint of the plot to audiences who might be skeptical of what is, to them, a foreign film." Here are some of my favorites mentioned:

Knocked Up became Slightly Pregnant in Roman Catholic Peru and One Night, Big Belly in China.

When Grease was re-released for it 30th anniversary recently it was Vaseline in Argentina.

American Pie transformed into American Virgin Man in China.

Alien played Poland as The Eighth Passenger Of The Nostromo.

Much Ado About Nothing showed throughout Latin America as Lots Of Noise And Not Many Nuts.

The current Dark Night in Mexico became The Knight Of Night.

The classic comedy Airplane! got the way better German title The Unbelievable Trip On A Wacky Airplane.

After I read the article I did a little poking around online and found a few more worth sharing, including this batch of Japanese translations of U.S. films. They sure love to put the word love in their titles.

Something To Talk About was When Lost In Love.

Sleeping With The Enemy became When Love Is Broken.

Final Analysis turned into The Suspicion Named Love.

Out of Africa? The End Of Love And Sorrow.

An Officer And A Gentlemen, The Departure Of Love And Youth.

And, my favorite, As Good As It Gets turned into A Romance Novel Writer.

And a couple more from Mexico before the credits roll:

There Will Be Blood became Bloody Oil.

No Country for Old Men was No Place for the Weak.

Juno grew to Juno: Grow, Run and Stumble.

And the most accurate of all, in Germany Woody Allen's angst classic Annie Hall was renamed Urban Neurotic.

Dear Bean...

Amy Dickinson is a name you might not know but she replaced the late Ann Landers as the advice columnist of the Chicago Tribune a few years ago. Like her predecessor, her column is also syndicated to newspapers all over the country. I frequently read her work in the Seattle Times and chuckled when I saw this exchange in yesterday's paper:    

DEAR AMY:

I have been following the letters in your column about dogs that are named after people. There are two dogs in my neighborhood, one with my granddaughter's name and one with my nephew's name.

     Dogs are not the same as people. I can't bear to hear them called by names of my family members.
                                                                                                               ------- UPSET                                                                            

DEAR UPSET:

     Yes, dogs are not the same as people, and that is why you shouldn't take this personally.
                                                                                                              ------------AMY

Oooooh, I wished she'd asked me instead. I would have explained to her that nobody gets to own names. Whatever her precious granddaughter and nephew are called they are not the first and they won't be the last. And she doesn't get to be the decider of who or what gets to be Chip or Muffy or whatever.

I can't tell you how many Sophies and Daisys I've met over the years and it is no insult when I share that I have pigs with those same names. It doesn't reflect one whit on the humans with the same names except I am inclined to like them more upon first meeting.

I wish Amy had added a sentence to her reply and it had appeared this way:

DEAR UPSET:

     Yes, dogs are not the same as people, and that is why you shouldn't take it personally. But if you meet a dog in the neighborhood named Uptight Bitch be sure to ask if she was named after you.

                                                                                                          ----------------AMY

Attention All Deaf, Dumb And Blind Kids...

I make it to Las Vegas, the one in Nevada, a couple of times a year on business and while I am there I always enjoy seeing my Dad. Once in a while we will take in a local attraction but it's hard to keep up with all the tourist sites as infrequently as I am there. I still haven't been to the Liberace Museum, the Clown Factory, or the Neon Museum for instance.

Add another one to the list. I just found out about the Pinball Hall Of Fame at 3330 E. Tropicana, at the corner of Pecos.

Hundreds of pinball machines, from the 1950s to the 1990s are all available to play in the 4500 square feet museum. Here is something else fascinating about the place, from their website.

"The PHoF is run by Tim Arnold, a veteran arcade operator who made it big in the 1970s and 1980s during the Pacman era. In 1976 Tim and his brother opened Pinball Pete's in Lansing, Michigan, and it quickly became a gamer's mecca. At the height of their success, the Arnold brothers weren't counting coins, they were counting shovelfuls of coins.

When Arnold sold his part of the business and moved to Las Vegas in 1990, he picked up the phone and started talking to the Salvation Army. Midge Arthur, the administrative assistant of the Las Vegas branch of the Salvation Army says, 'I got a telephone call from Tim about 15 years ago, and he said, 'If I had money to give, what would you do with it?' We had a long discussion about our different rehabilitation programs. He was, I think, kind of skeptical of all organizations. He wanted to make sure the money was going to help people.' Not long after that conversation, Midge Arthur started receiving checks for thousands of dollars from the man she says is, 'one of my strangest, out-of-the-ordinary donors we have ever had....'"




Me now: How cool is that?

My interest in playing games ran out very soon after the pinball machine's popularity started to wane in the 1980s. The last video game I ever played was probably Ms. Pacman - no kidding. I've never played Wii or Playstation or Nintendo or anything else in the modern vein.   

Question though: As fondly as I think I recall playing the ol' silver ball back in the day I do not remember anything about the differences between the machines. Was the game strategy the same if you were playing the KISS machine versus, say, the Charlie's Angels one? Was there anything to make some pinball machines more challenging to play other than where the flippers and bumpers were positioned? I don't remember. Do you?

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

It's Tater Tot Friday!!! Here the Tot is in deep training for the U.S. Olympic Napping Team. Once I tell her the Games are in China this year, though, she probably won't want to go.  Fear of being soup, you know.

This is not the first Tater Tot Friday Bonus Bulldog we've spotlighted named Lily but she is just as cute as the last one. Thanks to blog reader Chip for the note, and this picture.



And finally today, thanks to blog reader Stephanie for the tip on this YouTube video of a man singing his puppies to sleep. It's like magic! Have a restful weekend your own self.....