Strongly Worded Letter

Strongly Worded Letter #11

Mr. Rod Arquette
Program Director
KIRO Radio
1820 Eastlake Avenue East
Seattle, Wa

Dear Mr. Arquette,

     Please accept my suggestion in the spirit in which it is offered - a sincere effort to improve your on-air broadcast product.
     Many of your news anchors seem to misuse some common terms to describe the weather. Just this morning I heard someone in your newsroom glumly describing the  "partly cloudy" morning but perk up at the forecast that later today would improve to "partly sunny."
     Is he not hearing what he is saying? If it is only "partly cloudy" in the morning then it is actually mostly sunny. And his excitement over the "partly sunny" weather coming later should be tempered by an understanding that he means it will be mostly cloudy.    
     This bad media habit of sometimes saying the opposite of what is meant reminds me of the exasperating expression used to describe two airplanes that fly too closely to each other. The reporter often refers to this near hit as a "near miss."
     Old business: I wrote to your predecessor last year requesting that your news anchors stop referring to "warmer" and "colder" temperatures as well. Since a temperature is a number used to describe the weather, it can only be higher or lower. Weather can certainly be warmer or colder though and that certainly makes more sense. I'm revisiting the point in this letter because the error still occurs on 710 KIRO several times a day.
     Thank you for your time in reading this note and my best wishes to you and your staff,

Strongly Worded Letter #10

 

General Manager
Seattle-Tacoma International Airport
P.O. Box 68727
Seattle, WA.

Dear Sir or Madam,

     I'm going to share my experience with you but in your head please multiply it by thousands of your other visitors to realize what a serious problem you've got. Fortunately, there is an easy solution to it.
     Tuesday night when I approached Seattle-Tacoma International Airport at about 9:30 to meet my wife's arriving Alaska Airlines flight I couldn't help but notice the traffic gridlock going toward the terminal. Construction? No, all lanes seem to be open. Accident or disabled vehicle? No, we're all moving as freely as we can. Police or ambulance distraction? Nope, all clear.
       It took me several minutes to travel the few hundred yards from the Cellphone Parking Lot to Gate 22, near the baggage claim area, where my wife was waiting curbside.
     As I inched closer to the terminal I saw why. Cars parked two and three deep in the arrivals lanes! Parked! Waiting! Not picking up. With more than half of the available lanes filled up with cars not actually picking people up it left precious little room for those trying to get near enough to do so. Also burdened was  all through-traffic and those cars trying to leave the arrivals area after a pickup.
     Mr. or Ms. Sea-Tac Decision-Maker, why do you not have either uniformed police or uniformed airport employees strolling a beat to prevent stopping or slowly cruising by the curbside pickup area? That gridlock could have been broken up in 60 seconds with someone walking the length of the curb and instructing drivers to move along.
     The passenger volume at Seattle's biggest airport is too large to allow visitors to behave as if its 1990 anymore. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that many other cities, some larger than ours, already pay attention to the traffic flow with the simple way I've described and with excellent results.
     The Cellphone Parking Lot is a good start to stop loitering in front of your doors. You should consider expanding on that as well as educating the public on its advantage to all visitors to the airport.   
     Please accept my thanks for your time in reading this letter and I hope you will consider my suggestion. I am, of course, available to you for any further discussion on the matter if I may be of assistance.

Sincerely,  

Strongly Worded Letter #9

12 June 2008

Target Store
301 Strander Blvd
Tukwila, WA

Dear Manager:

     I am a frequent shopper at your Target location but have been troubled by one facet of the store’s layout for some time.  I am writing you today for some clarification.
     Why do the doors to get into the store open automatically but the doors to get out require a manual push?
     It seems to me that most folks walking in have nothing in their hands to prevent them from easily opening the door but on the way out they are often saddled with a shopping cart or  have their hands full with shopping bags chock full of terrific Target merchandise. Either way can make it quite awkward to handle all that plus manage a heavy glass door.
     I’m really curious what the thinking was behind that decision.

Sincerely,

P.S.  Hey. while I've got you, is there only one Bullseye, the dog in your commercials? Or do you do like they did with the Olsen twins on Full House and have more than one dog playing the part?

Strongly Worded Letter #8

Chairman Howard Dean
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St. SE
Washington, DC

Dear Dr. Dean,

     There were a large number of Democrats who would have liked to have seen you get the party's nomination when you ran for president in 2004, who felt that you got a raw deal being derailed by The Scream, and that you would have had a much better chance of preventing George Bush's second term than old WhatsHisName who ran and failed.

     You've lost whatever goodwill you had with this voter though with the way you're guiding the DNC through the 2008 campaign. Your current television commercial grossly distorting Senator McCain's comments about American involvement in Iraq for 100 years is something you should be very ashamed of, not just as the party leader but as a U.S. citizen.   

     I know you've seen the unedited remarks from the town hall meeting in New Hampshire where Mr. McCain answered that question about President Bush's belief that U.S. troops might be in Iraq for 50 years. He made it very clear that whether is 50 or 100 years it would be fine with him "as long as Americans are not being injured or harmed or wounded or killed." To further clarify his meaning he reminded the audience that we have been in Japan for more than 60 years and South Korea for more than 50. He was obviously talking about peacekeeping, not combat deployment.   

     The only people who could draw the conclusion your television ad does, that Senator McCain's intention is 100 more years of the kind of involvement we have had in Iraq the last five, are either stupid, dishonest, or both.

     What's most troubling for me is that you have two candidates vying for the Democratic presidential nomination whose positions both differ vastly from Senator McCain's on how to proceed in this war. Why not spend that advertising money to talk about what their plans are instead of making up policies for your opponent?

     Political ads like this one are not only unethical, they denigrate our democratic process. They are also insulting to the American people. If you can't see that then you prove yourself to be unfit to lead the party, much less a nation.


Sincerely,



   

   

Strongly Worded Letter #7

22 April 2008

NBC Universal
100 Universal City Plaza
Universal City, Ca.

Attn: Jeff Zucker, President & CEO

     Congratulations on the weekend's big box office for your new movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  I went to see it and as long as you keep giving Kristin Bell roles you'll be getting more of my business in the future too.
      However, I could not have been more disappointed with one completely unnecessary minute of the film. I know comedy is subjective and maybe others will object to the coarse language or the nudity but it's safe to say most people who go to an R rated  movie expect that these days.
     But how on earth did a scene where Jason Segal's character Peter knifes a pig to death end up in this movie? It came completely out of the blue and  was so tonally out of step with everything else in this otherwise light, romantic comedy as to ruin an otherwise festive outing. Is there anyone who finds that kind of gratuitous violence against an animal funny? Do you?
     Don't misunderstand me. I recognize that people eat pigs and I've even seen them, just like in this film, cooked in the sand at a Hawaiian luau before. But don't they deserve to die as humanely and as with as much dignity as possible, even in a movie, and not appear to be chased, caught and slashed to death for "entertainment?"
     Thank you for your time and attention to this customer's concern.

Respectfully,    

CC: Ron Meyer, President & COO, Universal
        Nick Stoller, Director, Forgetting Sarah Marshall
        Jason Segal, Writer, Forgetting Sarah Marshall
        Judd Apatow, Writer/Producer, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Strongly Worded Letter #6

14 April 2008

Jack In The Box
1127 128th St.
Burien, Washington

Dear Jack,

     Hey, I'm a big fan of your restaurant, Jack, and especially love your new grilled chicken strips.

     I have really pressing question though and would very much appreciate your answer by return post.  When the voice in the drive-through window speaker asks me what kind of sauce I would like with my chicken strips, what is done with that information? I mean, what is it for? What is the reason that question is asked?
            
     I'll tell you what you don't do with that little tidbit. Use it to direct anyone in your kitchen TO ACTUALLY PUT THE SAUCE I'VE REQUESTED OR ACTUALLY ANY SAUCE AT ALL INTO THE FOOD BAG THAT I THEN DRIVE AWAY WITH AND GET TWO MILES DOWN THE ROAD WHEN AT A STOP LIGHT I OPEN SAID BAG AND HOPE TO DIP MY CHICKEN STRIPS INTO SOMETHING ONLY TO FIND OUT I HAVE BEEN STIFFED AGAIN BY YOUR INCOMPETENT AND PROBABLY EVIL FAST FOOD WINDOW EMPLOYEES! OH, AND MORE THAN ONCE!!!!!

     Best of luck, Jack, and the new TV commercials are funny too.

Sincerely,





    

Strongly Worded Letter #5

Old Business first.

I was too tired last night to coherently write about my first jury duty experience yesterday but needless to say I fought the law and the law won.  :( 

Anyway, that will be the subject of my post tomorrow plus I should have a Godzilla update by then as Donna will be heading down to Oregon to visit him tomorrow too.

Thank you for all your warm wishes for our pig. Who would have ever predicted that he would start today healthier than Heath Ledger ?

Now, New Business:

Dennis Kelly, Program Director
KOMO Radio
140 Fourth Ave. North
Seattle, Washington


Dear Mr. Kelly,   

     First of all, let there be no doubt that I am a hardcore KOMO AM 1000 fan. Yours is the number one button on my car radio and I have you as a the default on every set in my home too.  And it's not just because I am a rabid Mariners fan and am already counting the days to the first pre-season game you'll air next month! No, I am a news junkie too and  appreciate the quality of both the ABC network content you carry and your local news team too every single day.
    
     You've been in the business long enough to know that a letter that starts off with such effusive praise, no matter how true, will always be followed by the word, But...   

     So here goes: Your anchors and traffic reporters use a word several times an hour that drives me crazy. It is "roadway." As in, "Let's see what's happening out on the roadway" or "The major roadways are clear tonight."

     Sir, do you know a single person in "real life," not on the radio, who uses the word "roadway?" Can you imagine calling home and  telling your wife you saw an accident on the roadway coming into work today? 

     In the 21st century it would be so refreshing to listen to people on the air who talk like real people talk.  While not as egregious as  "highways and byways," another old traffic reporter crutch phrase, I still think it is time to retire "roadway." The much more modern word for the same thing is the simple "road" and I'm sure no one will be irritated by that one.

     Please take this suggestion for what it's worth (possibly nothing) but do accept my sincere compliments on your excellent radio station anyway.

     All the best,

(end of letter)


Me again. What words or phrases do you hear on radio or television that drive you crazy? Please discuss.   

      

    

Strongly Worded Letter #4

Ms. Patti Labelle c/o
Universal Music Group
2220 Colorado Avenue
Santa Monica , CA 90404

Dear Ms. Labelle,

     I'm not a rabid fan but have always been impressed by your voice and your ability. I bought "Lady Marmalade" on 45* as a teenager, and just last month I bought your new Miss Patti's Christmas CD. May I ask for one minute of your time after my 35 years of support?
     I saw the photo in the newspaper of you with your friend Mary J. Blige at a record release party in New York last month, both draped head to toe in fur.
     You think you know what I'm going to say next but I am not an activist, am not deeply involved in this issue, and don't even agree with much of how PETA conducts their business.
     I know how slowly people's habits change but have been encouraged to see progress in recent years as the public has started to turn against eating veal and foie gras, recognizing that there is a difference between humanely raising and killing animals for food and unnecessarily torturing them for the entirety of their short lives.
     Just as there are moral trade offs in what we choose to eat, the same is true in what we choose to wear.
     You probably don't have time to privately investigate how chinchillas are killed for their fur but  you should at least be aware that they are commonly electrocuted, while they are conscious. Some are victims of what the fur industry calls "cervical dislocation," which is having their necks snapped, again, while conscious. These methods are documented as being used at chinchilla farms here in the United States but the animals in fur producing countries around the world suffer living conditions that are often inhumane as well.   
     The coat you wore that night to a party looks to me to represent the painful death of hundreds of little creatures.   
     If I could close with some good news for fashion icons such as yourself, it is that science has made impressive gains in the area of realistic synthetic furs. It is now quite difficult to tell the difference between faux and real fur and I think if you are a caring person you will look better in the man-made "fur" because you will feel better about the choice you made.
     That's all I wanted to say. Thank you for reading this and I wish you and your family a happy and prosperous new year.

Respectfully,





*(Not in the letter, but for my readers: a 45 represents what used to be the physical version of an mp3 download. "Records" were pressed onto vinyl, a sort of plastic. There would be one song on each side and the disc would spin on a "turntable" at 45 revolutions per minute. A needle would travel the grooves of the record and transmit the sound through a speaker.)       

Strongly Worded Letter #3

Best Buy Co., Inc.
Corporate Headquarters
P.O. Box 9312
Minneapolis, MN

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have been a Best Buy Reward Zone member for several years now and shop at your store almost every single week. As a frequent CD, DVD, and electronics buyer I appreciate your low prices on many items and understand you must operate the company efficiently in order to be able to offer such value.

Having acknowledged that, you simply must do more to make your service by telephone more customer friendly. It's no secret that Best Buy has farmed out its customer call center to India to save money, as have hundreds of other U.S. companies. It saddens me but I understand that this is just how the new world order works.

But at what price? My latest call to the customer service center (trying to correct an error you made with my reward zone membership) was just the latest in a long line of frustrating contacts with your company.

If I may generalize based on my own personal experience,  your Indian employees are under trained by half. They are able to read the company script in front of them but do not understand it well enough to go off the page and answer any relevant question.

Your computers or computer programs seem to be either too slow or too complicated to allow the phone answerer to quickly access account information, make changes, or offer referrals for more information.

I applaud anyone who is able to be conversant in more than one language - I certainly am not - but the level of English proficiency I have encountered when I call Best Buy  may be fine for giving directions to the train but is woefully inadequate for conducting business.    

On that same point, since we know you no longer hire Americans to answer phones and now expect to be calling India when we dial, please don't insult us by having the young woman answer the phone and tell me her name is Wendy.

Sincerely,

Backwards to The Future

15 November 2007

Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.
19001 South Western Ave.
Dept. WC11
Torrance, CA 90501

Dear Toyota Guy or Gal,

     I drive one of your 2007 Priuses...er...Prii. Wait, what do you call more than one? I am generally happy with it. So it's not a very exciting automobile to drive but it is comfortable  and more than 40 miles per gallon is welcome these days.

     I also like how quiet it is on the road and I sometimes drive up right next to a jogger or better yet, a blind guy, and lay on the horn right at the last second before he even knows I'm there. Hilarious!

     But I digress. I am writing with a question about one of your features on the car when it is moving in reverse. The little camera on the rear bumper that shows me what is behind me before I hit it is helpful and  I applaud you for that. What I don't get is the obnoxious "beep beep beep" that accompanies every backwards trip.

     You know the reason that garbage trucks make that annoying sound is so that vehicles and  pedestrians in the area are advised the truck is moving, right? Their beeping is heard on the outside of the vehicle and that makes it a safety feature

     Your beeping is only heard on the inside of the vehicle!  That means that literally the only person in the world who hears the warning signal is the one person who already knows that the car is in reverse. I'm the driver. I put it in R so why do I need all that noise?

     I would appreciate it very much if you could explain this seemingly illogical attribute of an otherwise sensible car.  Also, is there any way to disable it?

Sincerely,

 

 

Time (Clock Of The Heart)

Daylight Saving Time Returns Sunday at 2 a.m.

Those words were on the front page of the Island newspaper this week, prompting me to write them a strongly worded letter.  And here it is.

"Dear Editor,

It has turned into a twice-a-year event for me: sending a letter to the The Beachcomber to correct whatever mention of the time change is on the front page of the paper.

Like Charlie Brown approaching the football, every April and October I am so hopeful that your copy editor will have finally gotten it straight but this week I find myself flat on my back again.

Sunday, November 4th was this year's first day of the return to Standard Time. It is not the start of Daylight Saving Time as you informed readers. 

Daylight Saving Time (Not "Savings" as it appears in this week's Windemere ad) begins in the spring and ends in the fall. Standard Time begins in the fall and ends in the spring. Every year. 


Sincerely..."



This year was an improvement over one October a few years ago. That week the paper printed Daylight Savings Time Returns Saturday.  I'm sure they meant Daylight Saving Time Ends Sunday.   My letter that year was brief.


"Dear Editor,

Five words. Three errors. Nice.

Sincerely...."